Posts by myauntfanny

You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

LMAO

23

Why men are happier...

by IT Support in

your last name stays put.

the garage is all yours.

chocolate is just another snack.

Godammit, why does stuff just disappear from a post sometimes? That has the potential to get really embarrassing, only not this time, thank goodness. The following responses are missing from the previous post.

You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.

We never have to piss in an icky petrol station. And we never have to worry that the guy at the next urinal is checking our our dimensions, either.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Quite right, someone else will always do it for us, it's called delegating.

23

Why men are happier...

by IT Support in

your last name stays put.

the garage is all yours.

chocolate is just another snack.

myauntfanny

IT Support

You'd BETTER duck, I have an unopened jar of depilatory leg cream here and it's flying straight at your head. Okay, this riposte is all in a friendly spirit, no hostility here.

Your last name stays put.

No longer relevant.

The garage is all yours.

Yup, that's why you're the ones who have to sleep there after a big fight.

Chocolate is just another snack.

Chocolate is a religious experience.

You can never be pregnant.

We never have to worry that ten years after a one night stand some guy is going to show up asking if we want to meet the child we never knew we had.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.

Concede

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

We know that car mechanics lie to EVERYBODY and therefore do not allow our husband to take the car out on the freeway when it?s making a funny noise, just because it had a tune-up recently.

The world is your urinal.

We never embarrass ourselves standing by the side of the freeway pissing while all the passing children point and laugh.

You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky

.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Can?t argue, that?s a big one.

Wrinkles add character.

Just wait till you have them, and you?re still staring lustfully after young woman who actually don?t really THINK so.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

Concede.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

When it?s not expected, it?s so much more effective.

New shoes don't cut, blister or mangle your feet.

Concede, although women don?t have to do this, but you guys like it, and hey, we?re big-hearted.

One mood - all the time.

Yeah, and if it?s a bad one, that?s you for ever, too bad.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

Granted.

A three-day vacation requires only one small suitcase.

That one's silly. We don?t HAVE to pack a lot, we WANT to.

You can open all your own jars.

We can open our own jars, but you just like doing it for us so much, we don?t like to disappoint you.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

I?ll give you that one, definitely.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

We can wear skimpy little drapey things that don?t wrinkle at all.

Everything on your face stays its original colour.

I don?t know what that means, actually.

The same hairstyle lasts for decades.

Only if you keep your hair, which we do and you don?t.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

We don?t have go to work with a face covered in bloody bits of toilet paper anytime we wake up too hungover to manage a razor. We can COVER our legs if there?s a massacre.

You can play with toys all your life.

We could too, but we generally get more interested in boys than toys, lucky for you.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

Seems like kind of a mixed blessing, but okay.

One wallet, one pair of shoes, one colour for all seasons.

Boring.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

Well, so can we, there?s actually no rule about this.

You can "do" your nails with a pen-knife.

So can we, who could stop us?

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

Not if your signicant other doesn?t like mustaches, you don?t.

Here?s a few to balance up the ones I had to concede.

We never have to worry about getting a woody at the swimming pool.

We can get everything we need into our shoulderbags instead of having to give it all to our girlfriend to carry.

We can stop and ask for directions when we?re lost and in a hurry.

We get to wear skirts in hot weather. I know this is a big advantage because I've seen you guys shifting around desperately trying to get all those sweaty things unstuck without touching yourselves in public.

We?re much more likely to marry up.

We have a lower mortality rate from the womb on.

17

Have you ever?

by got my forty homey? in

this morning i woke up to go to the doctors office because of a terrible gout attack i had over the weekend and i just didn't feel like waking up.

i relly felt like commiting suicide because my life is somewhat hopeless.

the pain i'm going thru, the amount of time i'm missing on my job, the debt is increasing, i just didnt; feel like getting up and doint anything but taking my shotgun and shooting my brains out.

myauntfanny

homey

I got that far down once or twice. I find it helps to concentrate on very small sensory pleasures. Get some pretty flowers that smell nice (okay, you're a bloke, but nobody has to know what they're for, pretend they're for your wife). Go swimming. Exhange back massages with your wife. Stuff like that. Little things that feel good. I also find it helps very much to do something completely new, that I've never done before, something that might be a little scary for me. Then once I've done it I get a feeling of achievement and the spiral turns upwards again.

When I was young and really depressed, a therapist told me that THINKING about suicide as an option can make the depression worse, because you're adding the fear of death to all your other problems. She suggested that I make a promise to myself (not to her) that I never would, and I agreed as an experiment, and surprisingly enough, I immediately felt better. I think maybe if you let yourself be drawn to escape solutions, it keeps you from looking at other possible solutions.

40

Carl Jung and the Collective Unconscious,,Myths and Archetypes.

by frankiespeakin in

.

leolaia...recomended to me carl jung so i did a little search,,i find his theory of the collective unconscious fasinating here is a neat essay on the subject:.

http://lcc.ctc.edu/faculty/dmccarthy/engl204/seven-lecture.htm

myauntfanny

I wish I had more stories of my own. For a person who believes in all this stuff, I really don't get to experience much of it. My own best personal story is that I was sitting in a car with my husband and said to him "man, I really need some magic to happen" and this car pulled in front of us at that instant with the license plate "magic1". I tried to calculate the odds on that, but I couldn't figure out how to do it.

I saw a really cool art piece in London once, called the Institute of Coincidence, outside the South Bank Centre. This guy just had all these people write down coincidences they'd experienced in a book and I think he illustrated some of them. It was fascinating.

103

Jehovah Will Get His Ass Kicked Really Good By Thor God of Thunder!!!!

by frankiespeakin in

i mean they are both imaginary, so do you think this wank-hovah god, who is so jealous, so pouting, so insecure that he needs our worship to be made whole.

could this loser in ever win a fight with thor???

he's pathetic,,i really mean it,,, what a loser!!

myauntfanny

I really shudder when I see threads like these that could really 'stumble' (sorry -- the word fits) new and curious people. Seeing stuff like this, could just convince them the WTS was right in warning JW's away from these site

I do think there's tons of other stuff on this site that would send JWs running away screaming, like the endless flirting (when they've been told that Internet sites lead directly to fornication), loads of foul language, ALL the stories about bad personal experiences, disrespect of the org, etc. This is only one thread of hundreds that would instantly alienate any true-blue dub. Not that I'm complaining, just observing.

Also, I know that we all long to get everyone out, but I thought this was a support site for ex-JWs, not a deprogramming site for current JWs. I would really hate to think that I had to worry over my posts in case they might not give the right impression to JWs visiting here. I wouldn't be able to post at all, because let's face it, you can't say NOTHIN' right with those people. I thought the great thing about being out, and what frankiespeakin is celebrating, is the freedom to say whatever you like about your religious beliefs.

Also, JWs have no problem at all with ridiculing other people's gods and calling them evil, so turnabout's fair play there.

And finally, we don't know which, if any, of our posts is going to liberate a JW. Okay, frankie's perspective may piss off people who want to remain christian, but it may speak directly to the secret pagan or atheist heart of some other JW. You never know, right? There's nothing like a good laugh for lowering defenses, and seeing someone disrespect a god they're getting sick of might be just the ticket for some people.

Sorry to be so serious on a mostly funny thread.

23

I am sitting here eating...

by myauntfanny in

jw
friends

something that is really vile but i am wondering if i'll acquire a taste for it.

i went into a very posh gourmet chocolate shop today, and feeling cheap got the cheapest chocolate in the shop.

it was still expensive.

myauntfanny

simplesally

I guess Aunt Fanny would if it was rolled up in chocolate and the only thing in her house!!!!!!!!!!

Mmmmmm mmmmm good. (You're mean, girl).

snapdragon

Hey, welcome. I'm not sure if this particular thread is a shining example of what you've been praying for, but I hope you find it here somewhere.

23

I am sitting here eating...

by myauntfanny in

jw
friends

something that is really vile but i am wondering if i'll acquire a taste for it.

i went into a very posh gourmet chocolate shop today, and feeling cheap got the cheapest chocolate in the shop.

it was still expensive.

myauntfanny

Oh no, really, have some, I insist.

Anybody remember Ellen Degeneres and her bit about "eeewhh, this is really disgusting, here, try it"?