A few years ago I began meditating. Nothing special, just simply lying back and relaxing. I was attempting to relieve stress and do some simple self-improvement, which I heard meditating could help.
At first, not much. Over time, I began to feel sensations. Vibrations, etc. They were very real, and very physical. I thought it was interesting, but had neither the time nor resources to fully appreciate and understand what was happening.
About 6 months ago, one night I fell asleep as I was meditating. I awoke some time later to the sight of my girlfriend with a surprised look on her face. I asked her what was wrong and she said "Do you know what you were doing?" I said no. She mentioned I had been doing some type of tai-chi movements with my arms, combined with weird breathing and doing some sort of sign language with my hands. I told her I had no idea what she was talking about.
The next night, I tried meditating again, except this time I did not fall asleep. As the meditation wore on, my hands and arms began to move on their own, assuming strange positions. My breathing radically altered, and it seemed another part of me was operating, not the usually conscious part of me that crosses the street and worries about batting averages.
I started coming home early from work to try and instigate these experiences. They gradually came on sooner and soon I was doing what I thought were spontaneous yoga movements. Then, something extroardinary happened.
As I was in the midst of the mediation, I began having this gagging sensation. After a few minutes of what almost felt like choking, I chanted something:
"Sah Man"
I had not chanted this, that was my first reaction, yet I had...What the hell did it mean? I wanted to find out. But before I could, the shit hit the fan.
Hours later I lost all conscious control over these experiences. I began chanting OM and AHM and HRIM and other what I now know as Bija mantras uncontrollably, followed with the strange hand gestures known as "mudras", as well as yoga movements. Not to mention uncontrollable crying.
Needless to say I was a wreck. Part of me was witnessing all of this, and was thouroughly afraid due to my JW upbringing. I called a few friends, but could hardly talk to them. I went to the JW website in fact, so concerned was I of demonic attack. I thought I'd really screwed myself with this meditation bs. My girlfriend and I were a mess. We didn't know what to do.
By morning the symptoms were still occuring, though they had died down somewhat. We went to a Buhddist monastary, hoping they would have some answers. They didn't. Although when i was in their meditation room, I unleashed a whole bunch of more experiences. I was again crying. I had no answers. I'm a white guy with a decent job and life, and all the sudden this strange shit is happening and I have no idea how to control it. I thought my life was over.
We went to an ER and talked to psychologist. I was afraid it was a form of dementia or schizophrenia. I checked out ok. No drugs were given. They put me in touch with a psychologist to talk to. After several weeks of seeing her, there was nothing more for her to help me with.
It was then that I ran across the subject of Kundalini. In fact, there was a Kundalini guru living nearby.
I learned my experience was a Kundalini awakening. Something that Hindu and Buhddist tantric philosophies are extremely well-versed in, but which the west has little or no knowledge of. Apparently, due to a past life experience in this area or simply because it is time for a soul to become enlightened, the kundalini will rise and "jump-start" this process.
For me, knowing there are forces at work outside our normal physical world view is not a matter of speculation, but rather a known reality. This is something that I simply can't explain or show to someone, it is something that rather has to be experienced. I wish I could help skeptics understand and realize the reality of other consciousnesses at work, but only when they can experience these things for themselves will they know. For me, I had no choice in the matter.
