My JW buddy's wife has always been a bit on the slow side. For their 30th anniversary he decided they would open the fine bottle of wine given to them on their wedding day. But--he could not find it. He asked his wife where it was.
She replied: "Oh that? I threw that away. It's been so long it probably went bad."
When their next door neighbors were moving, Johnny and Carol purchased their water bed. In trying to assemble it, Carol injured her middle finger.
A week later the circuit servant and his wife were in the car with Johnny and Carol. The circuit servant mentioned that he couldn't sleep on a water bed because it hurt his back like crazy. Carol spoke up and said, "We got rid of ours too". The circuit servant asked why? Carol replied by holding up her hand and flashing her middle finger at him. The Circuit servant's wife stared for a second and nodded her head while looking at Johnny. "Ohhh, yes I know what you mean."
There was a lady I worked with who only planted her garden during the Full Moon. She told me this. I had to ask why. She replied, "Well, everybody knows when the moon is full the gravitational pull is greater and makes them grow faster."
Funny, I didn't know that.
Another lady I worked with was a mystically religious person and very nervous. She would use the telephone several times a day to call the Dial a Prayer number. She told me her great grandmother, around the turn of the century had died and the doctor pronounced her dead. The pastor of the congregation prayed over her and she woke up! "How do you explain that?" she challenged me.
I replied: "Wrong diagnosis on the part of the doctor!" After all it was the year 1900.
Once at the Kindom Hall, the brothers were instructed to move the folding chairs a row closer to the platform. One of the brothers started moving each chair individually forward one space. I stopped him. "Hey, why don't you just take the back row and move it to the front?" I asked. He stared at me. "Because it AIN'T what the overseer asked us to do" he replied defiantly.
When I go to the local fast food they have three sized cups for coffee. The refills are free. The clerk tries to get me to buy the most expensive one. I tell her the refills are free, so why should I? The clerk says, "So you'll have more coffee to drink." Huh? "The bigger the cup," she explains slowly, "the bigger the refill."
Speaking of cup sizes....Why has "small" vanished from the face of the earth?
I asked for a small drink the other day. The guy at the counter tells me, "We don't have small. We only have Tall Medium and Large. I asked him which one was the smallest. "Tall". So I looked at him and said, "I'll take the small one". He just shook his head. "I told you, we don't have small."
Sigh