I can say now, with a lot of years under my belt, I wasn't born with the genetic makeup of person who plunges into belief. The stress and paranoia of imprisonment, I believe, drove me into the delusion as an escape.
I also simultaneously focused my entire attention on acquiring expertise in my religion. When I was paroled, I was railroaded into Regular Pioneer work.
There was so little of my life left with__time__to be a person, I was swallowed up in a kind of rushing torrent of servitude and commitment. Call it active inertia, if you will.
But eventually on a conscious level, I knew I had to escape the prison of belief or risk losing myself and my sanity. By physically uprooting my family and moving fifteen hundred miles away, I managed to salvage my mental health, create a meaningful career and break loose from the superglue of social engineering, which is the lifeblood of the JW scam.
Now what does all that have to do with my belief in LIVING FOREVER on a Paradise Earth.
Nothing and everything!
It was the "reason" I gave for doing what I was doing. But, there wasn't any reality attached to it. I never ever visualized experiencing it. I didn't long for it. I was not convinced of it intellectually.
I'm not very good at believing things by nature, you see. I'm skeptical of happiness connected to wishful thinking, I guess you could say.
Religion is a lot of wishful thinking, imho.
From my study of the Early Church Fathers, I do know that Papius (who interviewed the remaining eye and ear-witnesses of Jesus) related a belief in the 10,000 year reign of Christ on Earth.
What that means is beyond my reckoning. The Church held him to be dangerous to the faith and branded him a heretic!
Heck, I can identify with THAT!