Vivamus

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Posts by Vivamus

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  63

  I am having a bad day

  by Vivamus in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  it is wearing me down.. my constant companion in life, my skull-breaking- mind-blowing- daily migraines finally got the better off me six months ago.

  i broke down, i cried and cried and cried.

  not only cuz of the pain, but more for the fact that painkillers were not helping me anymore.

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  Vivamus

  Hello everyone. I just woke up and am reading all of your replies and wanted to thank each and every one of you. Much calmer today, and much less headache wich gives me a breather just now. I think / know, that I just did too much last week. I did not want to change my Christmas plans, and so I just had too many fun things for me right now. Resulting in too much migraines and just too much of yukkyness. Like I said I have been home for the past 6 months, and when I have 2 appointments in a week (1 for psych and one for a friend), that is just on the edge of too much. I did have a burn-out cuz of the migraines, and that also resulted in just too much tension, and too big reactions on every thing.

  Sparkplug, when I read things you say, it's like listening to myself. I never had any sympathy with anyone staying home cuz they had a migraine. I was filled with contempt for them. (How the mighty have fallen ...).

  Brooke, I did do the migraine diet a while ago. Where you leave everything out that can cuz it (coffee, cheese, nuts etc). It did not work however. I will try the gluten-allergy in a while. But I am detemined to do the psych thing first, so I know what I am left with in the form of migraines. Not wanting to try too many things and not knowing what is the thing thats helping :)

  As for the medication... I am having a bit of difficulty translating it. I do know most medications by Dutch name available. I am on preventive drugs for the migraines. They help - the intensity is 40% less. The only preventive drugs that are left for me to try, are also anti-depressiva, and my doc is relucttend to try that (as am I still).
  
  I did have rebound headaches cuz of the painkillers. That was also a reason for calling in sick months ago. However, since I was ready to kill myself because of the pain after 3 months of detox - I got leave to take migraine painkillers - and when that doe snot work - I take a combo including codeine. It is not at all a satisfactory solution so I will make a new appointment with the docter to talk of paintreatment.

  Again, thank you all for the respones
• 
  63

  I am having a bad day

  by Vivamus in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  it is wearing me down.. my constant companion in life, my skull-breaking- mind-blowing- daily migraines finally got the better off me six months ago.

  i broke down, i cried and cried and cried.

  not only cuz of the pain, but more for the fact that painkillers were not helping me anymore.

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  3. 
• 

  Vivamus

  I just wanted to thank you all for the responses and also for the tips here and in PM (will respond better later). Right now i have been able to stop crying but naturally I have induced myself into a more intenser headache - so I am off to bed as sleep is still the most effective remedy, and I hope tomorrow will be better.

  Boo, that's just horrible

  Odrade, I understand what you are saying. I have had many tests over the years. Last year the doctors found that my nose-bone (translation??) was pressing on a nerve cluster under my left eye - thus possibly causing the pain. I had surgery and afterwards the headaches did lessen. I did see a pain-specialist after months of surgery and he told me that the pain has been stored in my brain - and thus will never leave. I was not too happy with that one. As I do react with inteser headaches to stress e.g. the therapy does make sense to me. I'm just not sure, and am losing hope that it will cure me completelyof them. But as responses here showed me, there are also still some options I have not tried ...

  Thank you all, your words do me good.
• 
  63

  I am having a bad day

  by Vivamus in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  it is wearing me down.. my constant companion in life, my skull-breaking- mind-blowing- daily migraines finally got the better off me six months ago.

  i broke down, i cried and cried and cried.

  not only cuz of the pain, but more for the fact that painkillers were not helping me anymore.

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  3. 
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  Vivamus

  I will be right there with you.

  Oh gawd, thank you. I cannot stop crying today and feel so alone and so very lost. My friends are being understanding, but really I cannot break down in front of them and they really cannot understand how it hurts. And I am so worried how to go on, I try to believe I will be able to get working again, and make my own money and be independent, but right now that seems so unbelievable.

  Thank you all or responding, I am gonna curl up on the sofa and have some tea.
• 
  63

  I am having a bad day

  by Vivamus in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  it is wearing me down.. my constant companion in life, my skull-breaking- mind-blowing- daily migraines finally got the better off me six months ago.

  i broke down, i cried and cried and cried.

  not only cuz of the pain, but more for the fact that painkillers were not helping me anymore.

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  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Vivamus

  Sorry, i could not get it to post the first time, forgot about the needing to use wordpad and not word for copying..

  Sparky, no, right now I am not okay
• 
  63

  I am having a bad day

  by Vivamus in

  1. watchtower
  2. medical

  it is wearing me down.. my constant companion in life, my skull-breaking- mind-blowing- daily migraines finally got the better off me six months ago.

  i broke down, i cried and cried and cried.

  not only cuz of the pain, but more for the fact that painkillers were not helping me anymore.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  Vivamus

  It is wearing me down.

  My constant companion in life, my skull-breaking- mind-blowing- daily migraines finally got the better off me six months ago. I broke down, I cried and cried and cried. Not only cuz of the pain, but more for the fact that painkillers were not helping me anymore. And my stomach was aching due to those same painkillers. I took enough to kill a child, enough to kill my liver, enough to kill me in another few years.

  My career, based on painkillers and an iron will not to let the pain get to me, was over.

  Six months ago my own doctor send me to a psychologist. So that I might learn how to deal with the headaches. Personally I think he knew that the crying miserable human being – me – sitting in front of him had a break down.

  For the past 6 months I have been nurturing my aching head. And I have been in therapy, will my therapists told me that it might just go away. If I dealt with all that I had suppressed, the pain would go away.

  I can’t take it anymore. I feel so ungrateful for hating this life, I have wonderful friends, and family … but I cannot live like this. I am beginning to loose the little hope I had left in me, that it would be okay. I don’t think it will be okay. I can’t see past this pain, past this feeling so horrible, puking my guts out either from pain or from inadequate painkillers, or from my broken stomach.

  I am so tired. I cannot have a Christmas meal with friends, without being too tired to talk at 21.00 hours, and spending the subsequent two days in agony cuz of a blasting migraine.

  I am so tired of this. And I feel so ungrateful about it, cuz there are people having so much more difficulties that I, and some people being really sick. But right now, I cannot see past all the bad to see any of the good.

  I put up a smiling face to my friends, but I cry in the dark, or in the shower. I feel like a baby and wish I could be grown-up about this. But I cannot feel past the pain, the very real throbbing, constant pain. Some days are worse than others. Some days are even okay and bearable without drugs. Some days feel as if my teeth are being slammed out of my jaw and the stumps of my teeth slowly being drilled back in. Some days I cannot take it and take painkillers, if I take enough I feel like walking under water, sick and miserable but pain free. And some days, like this day, I loose hope and feel the need to be told it will be okay, that I will be okay. That even if I loose my job, my career, my home – I will be okay. I need to be told that I will be okay.
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  9

  What did you buy in the Boxing Day sales?

  by katiekitten in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i bought two half price books:.

  my booky wook by russell brand.

  i can make you thin by paul mckenna.

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  Vivamus

  Well, since we don't have Boxing Day, but only have the Christmas decoration stuff for 50% off - I only bought Christmas ornaments, lots and lots of em
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  32

  Without using the Bible.........

  by searcher in

  1. watchtower
  2. bible

  .

  .

  .......prove that the bible is true.. .

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  Vivamus

  My boss once asked me to research the internet and compile a list of mermaid facts.

  Somehow, that just disturbs me
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  32

  Without using the Bible.........

  by searcher in

  1. watchtower
  2. bible

  .

  .

  .......prove that the bible is true.. .

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  Vivamus

  As any historian would be able to argue: "there is no truth".
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  18

  What if You Could See 10 Years Into The Future?

  by new boy in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  isn't life crazy?

  i just spent 30 days selling christmas trees.

  i set there in the rain and cold playing christmas music helping people buy their tree...blessing each and every person who did.... i looked up into the sky and wondered where i will be 10 years from now.

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  Vivamus

  Well, it would either depress me into oblivian, or give me hope all would be ok. Either way, it would lull me into inactiveness as every decision I would make would bring out the question "is this what will get me into that state in ten years, or not?".

  So no, I'd rather not know.
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  55

  What's Your SUPER POWER?

  by AWAKE&WATCHING in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  my super power is that i can size people up rather quickly.

  i also am the one even people i hardly know come to for advice because i can usually figure out exactly what to do in any difficult situation.. .

  i like my super power.

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  Vivamus

  My super power is to identify, in any store, the most expensive object to buy