IP_SEC
I feel for you and I don't doubt your motives at all. I've felt like a hyprocrite just doing alot of small parts in the TMS like talks #1 and 4 and the highlights. Even then I tried to push some small outside source on things - and later got questioned on them. But I couldn't imagine having to conduct!
Hope this tip will work for you. Sure its a little embarrasing but know how to work the systema dn the system wil work for you. Even though I was made an MS, I've never been made an elder because of my obviously mediocre (even by dub standards) effort at assignments. They gave me a part in the KM ONCE...it was so flat and boring and mechanical that I was never given one of those parts again. They mostly used me for paper work for the secretary, mags, accounts from there on in with occasional announcements and bible highlights. If you keep up the lame @$$ approach I'm pretty sure the BOE will be relieved if you tell them you want to step down.
Take care and keep sane.