Posts by Bendrr

8

Strange U.S. Sex Laws

by Xandria in

jw
friends

from the 'lectric law library's stacks.

strange u.s. sex laws

also, since the official library position is that all sex should be outlawed - unless our beloved head librarian ralf is a participant - we urge all patrons to use all means at their disposal to have the laws below enacted in their localities.

Bendrr

Ok, first of all I'd like to see a link to this website.

-- In Bakersfield, California, anyone having intercourse with Satan
must use a condom.

Are they saying that Satan has to wear the condom or the other person?

-- In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while
hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

Make love with who? (or what?)

-- In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse
with a live fish.

What about a dead one?

-- No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic,
onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife
so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.

I agree wholeheartedly.

-- Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't
allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with
you -- or holding you in his arms.

Kinda kills the whole romantic mood doesn't it?

-- Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between
members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown --
if they're nude.

But while the sun's out Bozeman is quite a sight!

-- In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to
have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart
when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make
love on the floor between the beds!

At least the carpets stay clean!

-- A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called
master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.

I could get used to that.

-- In Romboch, Virginia, it is illegal to engage in sexual activity
with the lights on.

Bad idea. Sometimes you really need to see what you're getting into.

-- In Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets
because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of
a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American
male."

Welcome to Scenic Merryville.

-- Anywhere in the U.S., it's illegal to use any live endangered
species, excepting insects, in public or private sexual displays, shows
or exhibits depicting cross-species sex.

Insert Alabama joke here.

-- In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in a
parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as the car or
van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking in.

Box lunch.

-- It is illegal for any member of the Nevada Legislature to conduct
official business wearing a penis costume while the legislature is in
session.

What if the guy's a dick anyway?

Mike.

104

Whom Have You Seen In Concert....

by berylblue in

jw
friends

...and what was your first concert ever?

Bendrr

I've only been to a few concerts that were here in Macon at the Cherry Blossom Festival Street Party. Did I say street party? What a crock! Welcome to Macon! It's over by 11, and they make it so confusing to buy alcohol that the last one I went to I turned around and left.

But they do book some pretty good shows *sometimes*

38 Special.

Molly Hatchet. AWESOME show!

Joan Jett. I was right up to the stage. She was SO hot!

I took a girl on a date to see a Greg Allman & Friends concert a few years ago. We really didn't pay much attention to that show tho. But the folks sitting around us got a pretty good show of their own.

Mike.

p.s. Wednesday, when did you see David Allen Coe? Did he do any of the songs from his 2 underground albums? I've heard that once in a while he will. I've got both of them on CD, "Nothing Sacred" and "Underground". Nasty but funny! (well most of them)

25

Did something even more drastic!

by Bendrr in

jw
friends

refer to a previous post of mine, "thinking of doing something drastic", regarding cutting my hair.

well i did it and everyone was happy.. yesterday i happened to be in the hair care aisle of kroger buying some shampoo.

and happened to see *something else* on the shelf that sparked an idea.. care to guess what?.

Bendrr

Thanks Hamas.

But.......angst rock? You really don't know me do you? Don't worry, nobody else does either. I keep it that way on purpose.

Mike.

65

Ever feel like this?

by Aztec in

jw
friends

i would really like to fall in love with someone.

i've been close a few times but, something in me always shuts down before i make that leap.

(please do not insert dirty response here okay?

Bendrr

coming in late on yet another thread! (I really need to rig up an internet connection at work!)

{{{{{Aztec}}}}}

Mike.

30

The 10 point resolution adopted at the 2003 District Conventions

by crownboy in

jw
friends

as most of you probably already know, from time to time the watchtower society likes to use district conventions as a platform for adopting silly resolutions, which more than likely are forgotten by the people who gave their approval to it by the time they leave the parking lot of the convention.

this year, during the final talk of the convention (talk entitled: "keep bearing much fruit to jehovah's glory"), a ten point resolution was adopted, with all the baby seal-like clapping following its adoption.

here's the main jist of the ten points (i didn't copy it word for word):.

Bendrr

1) Glorify ~~Jehovah~~ The Organization by continuing to ~~manifest "the fruits of holy spirit"~~ put on a good show. Cooperate with the spirit and The Organization.

'Nuff said.

2) ~~Offer "fruit of lips"~~ Keep up the "token service" since that's the best we can expect now to ~~give a public declaration of Jehovah's message~~ sell our cheap publications and keep the money rolling in.

"fruit of lips"? Remember their other term, "lip service"?

3) Continue to denounce ~~untruths~~ everything that are[is] not in line with ~~god's word~~ The Organization. Included were: evolution, idol worship, the trinity, etc.

"etc." meaning the internet, TV, radio, books, magazines, and spoken word that in any way disagrees with The Organization.

4) Bring up children in "discipline and mental regulation of ~~Jehovah~~ The Organization".

Beat the hell out of your kids daily. Lay the guilt on them mercilessly. Don't let them have friends, fun, or anything other than a steady diet of meetings and field service. And if they get molested - no, I'm not going there. (that last part not edited out in order to be brutally honest, but not continued because it's not something to joke about either)

5) Praise ~~Jehovah~~ The Organization by means of ~~our conduct~~ the show we put on for others in the Organization. This applies to all times and circumstances in our life when anyone is watching. When no one is watching, let guilt be your guide.

Act happy! Even if you're on a diet of every anti-depressant in the book and chasing them down with a fifth of scotch, please at least act happy!

6) Do not attribute to creatures what belongs to god. Don't give undue admiration to athletes, movie stars, etc.

On the other hand, The Organization speaks for God so should be treated as Divine therefore continue the worshipful ass-kissing of elders and other "heavies" and keep laying the gifts on them so we don't have to fork out the dough ourselves.

7) Maintain "Christain neutrality" in world affairs, even if it means being hated by the world.

WTF? You can vote, but don't. You can accept alternative military service, but don't. And just ignore that stuff about the U.N. We know you don't understand but just go along ok? Uh....the light gets brighter? Ok here's the deal: things are the same as they've always been, this is just "theocratic warfare" and you wouldn't even know about that if you had done what we told you a few years ago and not gone on the damn internet in the first place!

8) Give god glory by reading his ~~word~~ Organization's publications daily. Reject ~~propaganda~~ everything that is not with his Organization's word; make sure statements conform to the pattern of ~~"healthful words".~~ the Organization's rules.

Stay off the internet and don't read anything that isn't published by The Organization. But especially, stay off that damn internet! We'd have killed Al Gore years ago if we knew what was going to happen but the light didn't get brighter quick enough on that one.

9) Praise The Organization and Jehovah with "one mouth" in the Christain brotherhood. We should preach in unison.

<yawn!> Is anyone else getting an extremely bored sense of deja vu? That one I won't even touch, it's self-explanatory in it's bullshitness.

10) Give Jehovah glory by keeping his kingdom Organization first in our lives. We should use our energy and give all our "valuable things" to The Organization to reach this end.

We come first, understand? If you've got time to support yourself and spend time with your family, you've got time to get your lazy ass out there and sell some more magazines. If you've got the money to actually buy a house instead of renting, or send your kids to college, or buy a decent car, or take a vacation, or not be on welfare, or afford food every day then you're not contributing enough so let's get those dollars flowing people!

Mike. (and to think, I still haven't eaten dinner yet. Think I just lost my apetite!)

25

Did something even more drastic!

by Bendrr in

jw
friends

refer to a previous post of mine, "thinking of doing something drastic", regarding cutting my hair.

well i did it and everyone was happy.. yesterday i happened to be in the hair care aisle of kroger buying some shampoo.

and happened to see *something else* on the shelf that sparked an idea.. care to guess what?.

Bendrr

You look heaps younger. You're sure to attract twice the number of girls now

Thanks Prisca! (you're such a sweetie! )

I've got my hopes up too. Twice the number? Whats two times zero? Well, maybe it was the mullet. Now if I can just do something with that Camaro.......

Mike.

139

WTS Addresses Child Abuse - er, kind of...

by iiz2cool in

my wife, who is intent on re-activating herself as a dub since i da'd myself, went to the convention this past weekend.

she showed me this new publication entitled "learn from the great teacher", and placed great emphasis on these two pages i scanned and am posting.

it makes a poor show of telling children what to do when confronted by a child abuser.

Bendrr

I came in late on this thread but after reading the scanned pages from the [un]Great Teacher book I'm so mad right now.....oh damn am I mad!

JUST WHO IN THE HELL IS THE FUxxIN IDIOT THAT WROTE THIS SHxT?

Oh man I just want to grab whoever is responsible and slap them in the face and ask them have they never loved a single child in their entire life! Oh wait they say "it comes from Jehovah" well fine then.....Jehovah, just what were you thinking? Have you completely lost it?

The more I think about it the more angry I get.

I actually want to write a letter to Brooklyn I'm so mad.

And I don't even have kids!

So they write a chapter about molesting. THE FIRST DAMN THING they start to talk about is how kids who are molested learn......I don't even want to say it. I can't. FUxxING GUILT! THEY'RE MAKING THE KIDS FEEL GUILTY IF THEY GET MOLESTED EVEN BEFORE IT HAPPENS!!!!!

The first part of that chapter doesn't even belong in the book. The kids don't need that kind of information! All they need to know is that if anyone ever .......I can't even say it, "does that"....... you try to get away, you fight, you scream, and YOU TELL because IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!

Brooklyn I hope you're reading this thread! Just remember that when you turn your Bethel computer off you have to go look at yourselves in the mirror. And when you do, you think of all those kids.

Fuckin' assholes!

Mike.

37

Do you like cops?

by JH in

jw
friends

i know many people who don't like cops and even give them all kinds of names.

some may be nice, but many think they are superior to the ordinary citizen.

i see so many doing radar on bottom of hills where automatically you will go over the speed limit.

Bendrr

I like cops well enough. I've always gotten along with them pretty well. When I was younger and delivering pizzas, the cops all knew me. I made sure they always had dinner hot and fresh, not to mention free, and they showed a little understanding when I went a little over the speed limit. One took me aside one night and told me to keep my speeding to 10 mph or less over the posted limit and I'd never have to worry about it. I got to be pretty good friends with a few of them, even one of the "assholes" who really didn't like me much at first. And they'd tell me about their jobs and what they had to go thru.

Once I became an auto technician, I found that when cops see my uniform they're generally more than cool with me. I remember one time I was riding to work on my motorcycle and got pulled over by a state trooper for doing 80+ in a 45 zone. With a .44 magnum on my hip and a .380 backup piece in a waistband holster. Needless to say he was pretty cautious at first, his right had was on his gun immediately. He took both my guns and unloaded them and laid them on the hood of his car and told me "you damn well better have a Georgia firearms license!" I handed him my driver's license, insurance card, and gun permit. He asked where I was going in such a hurry (80 in a 45). I told him "Well's Tire and I'm late". Trooper: "You mean William Wells?". Me: "Yes sir". Trooper loads my guns for me and hands them to me, hands me my licenses and insurance, and says "tell your boss thanks for fixing my tire this morning!".

Had one pull me over last year going to work at my current job. 61 in a 45. He sees my uniform, doesn't ask me for my license, and asks why I was speeding. I told him I was trying to get thru the lights, "you know how these damn lights are, either you make all of them or you stop at every single one." He laughs "yeah, I know they suck, but slow it down a little because some idiot could pull out. And have a nice day".

Thing is with cops, they're going to react to your attitude when they pull you over. If you're calm and polite and a little apologetic, you stand a better chance at a little leniency than if you're overly nervous or confrontational.

As far as how much they make, well they don't get paid enough. At least around here. Not too long ago, the police union paid for a few large billboards around town that said "Welcome to Macon, home of the lowest paid Police in Georgia" (or something like that).

Mike.

p.s. I want to point something out to those who complain about seat belt laws. If everyone wore their seatbelt like they were supposed to, or for that matter if the majority of drivers wore them, then we wouldn't have to hear the complaints about cops enforcing seat belt laws. Yes there are more important things they could be doing besides making sure your immortal butt has that seatbelt buckled or that you're following the speed limit or that your brake lights are working properly. Well guess what? Ever watch the Fox TV show "Cops"? Routine traffic stops frequently help the cops get actual criminals off the streets. I don't like them using a traffic violation to search my car any more than you do, but I don't have anything in my car to hide. There's no drugs, I don't drink and drive, my driver's license and insurance are both valid, and the gun in my car is legally registered to me and I do have a license for it. And yes if you don't want them to search your car you do have the right to say no. That's why they always ask your permission to search. Of course if you so say no, chances are your ass is going to sit there and wait while they get a warrant and do you really want to spend that time with a bunch of pissed off cops? Plus I always wear my seatbelt anyway. 11 years ago a seatbelt saved my life in a head-on collision with a drunk driver. So there!

25

Did something even more drastic!

by Bendrr in

jw
friends

refer to a previous post of mine, "thinking of doing something drastic", regarding cutting my hair.

well i did it and everyone was happy.. yesterday i happened to be in the hair care aisle of kroger buying some shampoo.

and happened to see *something else* on the shelf that sparked an idea.. care to guess what?.

Bendrr

Blond noooooooooooooooo don't do it!!

Oh yeah! It's been done! Maxim X1 Bleach Blonde for Men. I just got done washing it out after I let it do it's magic for about an hour.

Now keep an open mind here. I mean, remember the *first* before picture:

And now the current *after* pic:

So what do you think? Personally I like it.

Mike

25

Did something even more drastic!

by Bendrr in

jw
friends

refer to a previous post of mine, "thinking of doing something drastic", regarding cutting my hair.

well i did it and everyone was happy.. yesterday i happened to be in the hair care aisle of kroger buying some shampoo.

and happened to see *something else* on the shelf that sparked an idea.. care to guess what?.

Bendrr

Refer to a previous post of mine, "Thinking of doing something drastic", regarding cutting my hair. Well I did it and everyone was happy.

Yesterday I happened to be in the hair care aisle of Kroger buying some shampoo. And happened to see *something else* on the shelf that sparked an idea.

Care to guess what?

Mike.