End, I can relate.
Wow, I was feeling really down for the last few days, part of it has to do with my JW mother and sister with whom I used to be closed pretty much shutting me out. Although it’s heart-wrenching to hear other’s similar (or worse) stories, it is somewhat helpful to know I’m not alone. Sometimes I feel like such a freak. Like no one could possibly understand the weirdness of my upbringing. And the deep emotional disappointment that the love parents have for their children can be so incredibly conditional. And that a man-made organization can brainwash them into thinking that shunning their children/family because of their religious beliefs is the right thing to do.
I’m basically DA’d (in a few blowouts years ago, I told my mom exactly what I thought of the JW beliefs: I made sure she knows it’s not “weakness” and inability to “live up” to the JW beliefs which caused me to leave--which she tried to convince me of (more like herself of). Our relationship has been hot/cold/weird since I left. She’s the kind of enabling personality that only seems really interested in people when they are needy: then she can come to the rescue. I’m not particularly needy, so she’s not particularly interested in me. Plus, I think she goes up and down with whatever the JW org “interpretation” du jour is on exactly how to treat it’s former members.
My dad’s never been a witness, but his support of it and his willingness to let his children be raised in it, quite frankly, disgusts me. He’s supported my mom fully, and I’m sure she’s given him a great story of how/why she’s managed to have very measured contact with me (on her terms, mainly). She runs the show. I think he’s just thankful to have a wife in “subjection.” Right, lol.
Anyway, my mother and I had a big blowup when I became pg without being married (with my very long-time partner). Finally, about a month before the baby was due, my JW sister (married to an elder) contacted me. Then a couple weeks later, my dad called and said he and mom want to be “part of my life,” so let bygones be bygones, etc. Mom got on the phone briefly (she was headed off to a JW meeting…)
After the afterglow of a new grandchild/baby wore off, it’s like my sister and mom were scarce again. I’m now pregnant again, and I can see them working up to the same routine. New baby, excitement. Excuse to come by (even JW’s wouldn’t really object to that, necessarily). Then almost nothing. What gets me, is when they do call me/talk to me, it’s like they mention functions they are going to (which of course, I’m not invited to); neice/nephews graduations/weddings, etc. I say basically nothing. Part of me wants to just not take their occasional calls; part of me wants to tear into them making it clear they are excluding me.
You know, I’m kind of sickened by the whole thing. I feel like somehow I’m “prostituting” myself, if you know what I mean, with the relationship. I want my children to know their grandparents, but frankly, the relationship is weird. I’m almost thinking it’s better to just cut bait. I’m not looking forward to the awkwardness of the birth of my upcoming child. I know my sister (and mother) have mentioned being at the hospital. I’m wondering WHY? They’re not really a part of my life. Although it WOULD be such a normal thing for them to be there/to want them there. I’d almost just like to exclude THEM from the whole thing. That's supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life: why mar it up with the strain of pretending my mom/sister are loving relatives? Maybe I should exclude them, now that I think of it. I'm getting these engraged feelings of late...
I want to raise my children somewhat normally. I want them to know that their arents' love for them is not conditional, certainly not conditional upon stupid religious doctrine. I want them to love and care for their family/friends and develop strong, healthy relationships. I see those goals and JW’s being mutually exclusive. I feel like you, End, that there's a "fakiness" to my mother's treatment of my son. When he comes of age, I'm sure she won't hesitate to attempt to indocrtinate him one way or another.
Ah, well. Thanks for the opportunity to vent.
