by Introspection 25 Replies latest watchtower medical
I'm gonna go for the direct approach here. So do you?
It's kind of strange to identify yourself as an ex- anything, to define yourself using a former identity as a point of reference, one that IS no longer. In some cases you might use it to clarify your relationship, (I'm Jane's ex-husband, or whatever) but again it gets weird.. I mean we don't think of ourselves as ex-kindergarteners or something do we? Oh well. Thoughts?
You betcha, as ex as they get. We went to a worldly wedding today and ran into a couple of witnesses who are relatives of the groom. They were pleasant but it really helped me to clarify that I am never going to return. This was a wedding in a church and while the bible was quoted a couple of times, it wasn't a 45 minute witness. It was about a young couple, their relationship with God and what they needed to do in order to survive as a couple.
Afterwards the witnesses remarked "at least it wasn't as long as a witness wedding" and my wife said "it was much more pleasant wasn't it".
Heh heh heh
Never Squat With Yer Spurs On
Intro,
Why of course I consider myself and XJW. I am also an ex-teenager and an ex-worker because I am retired. I do not consider myself an ex-kindergartner, because I never went to kindergarten.
Intro, life is full of ex's, irreverible journeys and the final end of a particular era. Some of these end time moments are happy, some are sad, and some are bitter sweet, both happy and sad. Do you remember when you graduated from high school? You were excited about the future, but sad that you were leaving the past, and many of your friends. You were now an official ex-student.
We don't define ourselves by these ex-moments, but they certainly are a part of our lives, and there are defining moments, that we will never forget.
Well Larc, my high school graduation was a bit different, I would have waited for my diploma in the mail except everybody else seems to think it's a big deal. I can't say I was excited about the future or sad that I was leaving the past. (maybe a little glad, but I can't remember) I understand what you're saying of course, but frankly my recall isn't very good. I know I have the memory, but it's really just a memory to me now. Does any of this have something to do with what they call a Kodak moment?
LB: Were those JWs actually in a church and they didn't blow up?
I am an Ex-sympathiser.
A penetrating question. I understand that an alchaholic, even though he/she may never toucn another drop of booze, is still alchaholic. They never become ex-alcholics.
It seems to me that even though i'm not a jw, and never will be, there is still a big chunk of me that was built/moulded by the wt. It wiil probably be there till the day i die, even though i work to totally eradicate it. Unlike other phases of my life which left memories, but whose effects aren't felt much, my jw time has left very strong brain patterns. So, i would have to answer yes.
SS
Hi Introspection,
Why would we choose to define ourselves by a label which emphasizes something we 'were', rather than something we are or would like to become?
I don't know about others, and I am fairly new to this ex-jw status myself, having only realized the truth about the 'truth' about a year ago, and having attended meetings (though under duress) semi-regularly up until a few weeks ago.
But, I think a possible reason is that being a JW (in my case, 27 years)is one of life's experiences which marks us in a way that trickles, or in some cases, floods, through our lives ever afterward. Of course, we are all the sum of our past experiences, but having been a witness permeates my soul in a way which kindergarten never did. When I was in school, whatever grade, I knew that it was, by it's nature, a transitory stage. And though I might have used my grade level as an identifier in certain situations, it was never all I was about.
But 'being a JW' is what a JW is all about. It is THE defining characteristic of the faithful JW. Whatever else they may be, married, job status, parent, hobby, ...all are disposable in the face of being one of Jehovah's Witnesses. For the faithful witness, all future hopes and prospects, current relationships and activities are either filtered through or actually defined by the WT world view.
When leaving such an all-encompassing, insular culture, how can one help but be somewhat defined by their WT legacy, or at least occasionally view life from the perspective of an escapee?
Besides, being an 'ex', to me is one way of taking my self back, out of their hands. It means I have made a conscious decision to free myself. It also allows immediate empathetic understanding, with those of similar background, to take place.
On the other hand, I don't proclaim ex-jw status as a beginning fact about myself in general, but seek to redefine myself in new ways which have nothing to do with that.
PS. I have been reading some of the information on the link you sent me. There is a lot to assimilate there, but I will keep working on it.
I have been in many life-defining experiences. They define me in different ways but they are not the sum of who I am.
I am a university graduate - a happy one. In education we focus on the accomplishment
I am divirced - I am somebody's ex but I only define identify myself as such when needed. It certainly doesn't define all of who I am - especially since I am remarried now. But in the beginning it was very important.
I was a victim of childhood abuse. For a while when I was going through therapy this is about the only way I identified myself. Recovery and abuse overwhelmed my life. But it was a stage I needed to go through to come out as a survivor. Then for a while I was a survivor of abuse. I needed the label to define an important phase of life I had passed through. Now I only use the term in specific situation. It does not define all of who I am although at one time I felt like it did.
I am an ex-JW. Same thing goes here. People are ex-JWs for different reasons. The walk-aways may not feel the intense need for the self-identification as a person who was DFed and traumatized by the borg. Part of the healing process is to identify what is wrong. In my case identifying myself as an ex-JW helps me process a traumatic experience. In here it helps me distinguish myself as different from those who never were JWs and who still are JWs. In everyday life I only use the term when needed for specific situations. It certainly does not define all of who I am.
I think too that for many the need for a frame of reference - where I was and where I am now - is important in defining where they are in the stream of life in any given situation. At the moment the silent lambs issue is very important to me. So being an ex_jw is an important way I will define myself. It will always be a part of me but certainly won't be on the front burner as it is now.
A not-so-silent lamb
Aspire to inspire before you expire
If someone asks me what religion I am, I tell them I am not a part of any organized religion. If they press the subject (few do) I tell them I was raised as a JW, but stopped attending about 5 years ago.
Sometimes I say I am a Christian, only because I live in a predominantly Christian nation, and in my business, with certain customers, it seems necessary. I guess I follow the Christian way, mainly, but don't want to be classified as a Christian technically, because so many religions use that as an identifier. I don't want to be classed with any religion ever again.
Marilyn (aka Mulan)
"No one can take advantage of you, without your permission." Ann Landers
Absotively Posolutely! Mimilly is an X-JW. I choose to be an individual with rights, not a clone needing orders from the mothership.
btw - very well said Lady Lee! I ditto that.
hugs,
Mimilly
"Our lives begin to end, the day we become silent, about things that matter" ~~Martin Luther King
