Another female opinion here, but you are always going to remember the first time. If she's already waited to the point she is talking to someone logically about devirginization, then I am assuming she's not 15 and he doesn't drive his father's station wagon. If she's waited past her early teen years, then I can guarantee you that she has high expectations. She might even think in soap opera romance terms, meaning she wants candles, possible roses delivered the next day, some sweet pillow talk.
Your idea of "straight sex" and nothing else basically boils down to, let's do it get it over with, no one spends the night, and I'm not going to call you the next day and coo into your ears about how wonderful it was. That has the potential of devastating her and scarring her idea of what sex should be. She can tell him all she wants that she just wants to get it over with, but she has picked him out, there is a reason. If she wanted anonymous sex to get it over with... she'd go pick up a guy in a bar. She is talking from her head in guy terms, but probably is feeling it with her heart in girl terms.
If he wants to make it special and do it, then it's up to them.... but I don't believe she isn't going to want to pursue a relationship if she's already taking it to the sexual level. Although there is always the possibility that she feels most comfortable with this guy and yes, she just wants to get it over with, so in the future when she meets the guy that she wants to date, fall in love with, she won't be terrified out of her wits.
As for being "in love" and the term love, for sure it has many different meanings and many different forms. I love my dog, I love my husband, I love my new kitchen pots that were a gift. I love my girlfriends and would do almost anything for them. I have loved other men in my life, I have been in love before. Every single experience of love teaches us something new. I don't have children, but parents tell me that the most pure form of love is the love you have for your children. I don't know.
I have been in love and loved a person that I knew I didn't want to spend my life with. I have been in love with people who were horrible wrong for me but felt so horribly right at the same time. I think in the end you can only listen to yourself and come to your own conclusions, but maybe as I did you will come across someone that you not only love but feel absolute contentment with. I think contentment is what leads to monogamy, not being "in love." It's just as easy to fall in love as it is to fall out of love. Once you find absolute contentment, it's hard to even think of letting anyone else into that perfect equation. There isn't room for more than two.
When you get there, you realize you've reached your destination and the sex is above anything you've ever dreamed. Physically of course everyone has the same parts and they fit together the same way, but that indescribable intimacy is there and you feel as if all the questions you've ever had in life have been answered.
