fairchild

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Posts by fairchild

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  24

  very lonely

  by paul2 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  perhaps i may find a friend out there in gods peaple.

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  fairchild

  Welcome, Paul2!
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  32

  having doubts..

  by fairchild in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have not been on this board in a while for various reasons.

  the main reason being that my best friend died on march 11th, and things have been different since that day.

  i don't have words to describe how the void feels, so i won't even attempt.

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  fairchild

  Maybe what you are feeling is a need deep down to have a relationship with Jehovah again.

  I think I had a relationship with him *before* I joined the WTS. Yes, I do feel that need, but only for selfish reasons. I don't want death to be the end of everything. It's like wishing you found a bag of money. You could wish you found all that money, just so that you could be rich and never have to work again, or you could wish you found it just to help people who really needed it. Either way the chances of finding a bag of money are as slim as the chances of really finding God. But as they say, the journey is much more important than the destination. I don't know what my destination will be, but I do know that my journey is selfish and I feel guilty about it. That's a reason why I consider going back to the meetings. Now I am just sitting here, waiting until something falls into my lap. I'll die waiting.

  I echo the earlier thoughts on reading the New Testament. It provides a much different picture of God.

  It does, and I will read some, but it is still the same God they are talking about in the NT.

  Thank you Fleur, for that link. I will definitely read it when I get home from work tonight. Am in a hurry now, got to get ready for work. You are right, there are no easy answers. None. And sometimes I wonder.. are there even answers?

  Test your assumption of a "loving God". Does the world you experience really support that characterization?

  Absolutely not.

  but your friend would surely want you to live your life and be happy without having to lie to yourself.

  We had countless conversations about religion. One of our favorite things to do was to sit by the bonfire and read the bible. He was catholic, but went to the meetings with me every once in a while. I think we were both searching. When I was at the hospital with him during his last days here on earth, I don't know why, but one of the saddest things to me was seeing the rosary in his hands. Somehow it looked cruel, and I can't get the picture out of my mind.

  bizzybee, gosh, your words made me smile. Yes it is true that they have an answer for everything, and actually, that was one of the things that drew me to them in the first place. But the answers are not necessarily right, I know...

  Read "Life Before Life" - it's written by a doctor about children's stories of reincarnation

  Who's the author?

  Pretending something is true doesn't make it true. You can believe and wish and hope and pray as much as you want but you will not change a single atom of the universe by doing so.

  sigh, yes I know.

  Will returning to what you know was wrong when you left really help?

  I honestly don't know, but I am at a point where I would try just about anything. I can't even begin to tell you what the past few weeks have been like. The feeling of this loss being completely irreversible is just killing me. It keeps me out of my sleep and perhaps for the first time in my life, I understand the meaning of the word "depression". In a way I have been *blessed*, having had a very fair chance to say goodbye. But in spite of that, so many things were left unsaid. So many things were left not done. It is one thing to die of old age after a good life, but it is another thing to see a life cut short. No, I don't know if it would help, but anything beats sitting here and doing nothing to help myself. Perhaps there is "a god" out there who is trying to tell me something, because I was going to go to the bookstudy today, for the first time in over a year, and I woke up because the phone rang, I got called in to work tonight.

  I say find comfort and solace in nature. Look around. What do you see?

  I see everything that belonged to him. (we lived in the same house). I see the rosebush that died two years ago, until he decided to pray for it and miraculously it came back to life. I see too much of him right now.

  What happens to us when we die? Will we ever see our loved ones again?

  My gut feeling tells me that we will not see them again. That when we die, it is really over, but I desperately don't want to believe that.

  Thank you all so very much for the support. I am aware that a day will come when I can look back at this time without crying or feeling a burning pain inside, but I don't know when that day will come. It sure isn't here yet.
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  32

  having doubts..

  by fairchild in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have not been on this board in a while for various reasons.

  the main reason being that my best friend died on march 11th, and things have been different since that day.

  i don't have words to describe how the void feels, so i won't even attempt.

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  fairchild

  It feels like a Pandora's Box

  It sure does!

  As for grace, I think the opposite happened here. Not many good things have come my way since I left the WTS. However, I do consider this to be a coincidence.
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  32

  having doubts..

  by fairchild in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have not been on this board in a while for various reasons.

  the main reason being that my best friend died on march 11th, and things have been different since that day.

  i don't have words to describe how the void feels, so i won't even attempt.

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  fairchild

  Thank you for that link James Thomas. I started reading one of the links within that post, and this struck me "Science can neither deny or confirm the existence or works of a creator". It kind of made me stop right there for now. Besides, I'm very tired, will read some more tomorrow.

  Thanks misspeaches, I sure would welcome someone to hang out with, but I would be bad company, no fun. I live in a small community and have had much support from neighbors and friends, especially the first couple of weeks. But there isn't really anything anyone can say or do, I guess time, and only time can bring some relief, I just don't know how much time is needed. Due to the frozen earth, he could not be buried after he died. Now we had a sudden thaw and things have warmed up nicely. We are scheduled to bury him this coming Friday, much sooner than expected. I am hoping to somehow get some kind of closure after the burial. His body will be put to rest at the Fairchild cemetary, which is less than a mile down the road from here.

  Thank you candilynuts, and w-a-c, I prolly will take your advice and do some reading in the NT. I recently bought a different bible the NIV.

  osmosis, it is true that I don't have to believe in god, but somehow it feels easier to believe. If there is no god at all, then we really are done when we die, and I don't know if I could handle such thought.

  hi bebu, long time no see. Yes, it can rock one's world indeed. It's been many years since I had to deal with such a loss, and I have not been myself at all, I don't think that I am handling things all that well.

  I have never believed that the reason for allowing suffering had ultimately to do with God 'vindicating' his name

  What do you think the reason is?
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  32

  having doubts..

  by fairchild in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have not been on this board in a while for various reasons.

  the main reason being that my best friend died on march 11th, and things have been different since that day.

  i don't have words to describe how the void feels, so i won't even attempt.

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  fairchild

  I have not been on this board in a while for various reasons. The main reason being that my best friend died on March 11th, and things have been different since that day. I don't have words to describe how the void feels, so I won't even attempt. His passing away has made me think a lot. I have not gone to the meetings in well over a year now, and all of a sudden so many doubts have been popping up in my mind. Did I really do the right thing by leaving? I think I did, because I don't "love" Jehovah, and believe me, I have tried. But what if I didn't try hard enough?

  I started reading the bible again, am currently working my way through 2 Samual. So far I have not seen evidence of a "loving" God. Serve me or die, that is what it comes down to. "You must love God with your whole heart". Is that a command, for crying out loud? How can someone command you to love?

  But what if the bible is just another book, where does that leave us? I have a hard time accepting that a loving God would make the whole world suffer century upon century, just to vindicate his name. That is selfish, is it not? Then there is the story of how Saul consulted a medium to talk to Samuel. But the bible says that the death are conscious of nothing. Heh, according to the Saul and Samuel story, Samuel was not exactly "conscious of nothing". I am so confused. And when someone explains one thing to me in an acceptable way, I am starting to question something else.

  Then there are days when I think that I should just go back to the KH and make myself believe in a paradise on earth. Does it really matter what we believe in? Does it? Wasn't life easier when we believed that all our tears would be wiped away eventually, that we would see our loved ones again and we would never be sick or grow old?

  Maybe I am not thinking the right things because of the grief which has come to consume every hour of every day, but I need answers, I really do. All thoughts are appreciated. Thanks.
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  23

  Is Jehovah a God of love?

  by SickofLies in

  1. watchtower
  2. bible

  "o you lovers of jehovah, hate what is bad.

  "if anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own soul, he cannot be my disciple.

  (luke 14:26)

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  fairchild

  Have you ever read the book of numbers?

  Yes I have, many times, and it profoundly disgusts me. Even when I was still desperately trying to "love Jehovah", I just couldn't make myself love him. I do not believe for a single second that the bible depicts a "loving" God. I have read the bible with an open mind. Just imagine for a second that the bible is not about God, but about a very mighty man who rules over the whole earth. Would you consider this man a "loving" man?

  I almost hate to write this, because I STILL want to love God. But in my honest opinion, God is jealous and vindictive. If Moses hadn't bargained with him as much as he did, I doubt that a single Israelite would have survived. Oh, speaking of Moses.. he was a God fearing man, and he did everything God told him to do. He spent 40 years of his life, leading a stubborn people through the wilderness. But he was never allowed to enter the promised land. He got to climb on a mountain and take a peek at it, but he never entered it, because of a mistake he made. In all my attempts to be a good human being, I will not even come close to the God fearing and God loving attitude that Moses had. So if even Moses didn't qualify for a little reward, then why should I?

  The old testament is drenched with war, war, war.. were all those people, killed in all those wars bad people? Were they? Or were a lot of them good people who worked hard and honestly to provide for their families? Maybe they didn't serve God because they had chosen to serve other gods. Free choice? What if I put a caramel bar and a chocolate bar in front of you and tell you that you have a free choice as to which one you want to eat. But hey, if you choose the caramel bar, I will certainly kill you. Where exactly is the free choice in this? If you have a choice between option #1 and option #2, if it was a true FREE choice, then no punishment and no reward should be attached to what you choose. Yes, we have a choice, but we do not have a FREE choice.

  No, I do not believe that Jehovah is a God of love. I truly wish I could believe it, but I can't.
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  16

  Lyrics that make you think

  by lostlantern in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i am listening to sinead o'connor and one song really struck a cord with me.

  i just finished 'crisis of conscience" and i have a lot of thoughts in my head about the governing body, organization, etc.

  this song today made me think of the organization.sinead o'connor.

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  fairchild

  Grandpa (Tell Me 'Bout The Good Old Days)

  ( The Judds )
  
  Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days
  Sometimes it feels like this world's gone crazy
  And Grandpa, take me back to yesterday
  When the line between right and wrong
  Didn't seem so hazy
  
  Did lovers really fall in love to stay
  And stand beside each other, come what may?
  Was a promise really something people kept
  Not just something they would say?
  Did families really bow their heads to pray
  Did daddies really never go away?
  Oh, Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days
  
  Grandpa, everything is changing fast
  We call it progress, but I just don't know
  And Grandpa, let's wander back into the past
  And paint me the picture of long ago
  
  Did lovers really fall in love to stay
  And stand beside each other, come what may?
  Was a promise really something people kept
  Not just something they would say?
  Did families really bow their heads to pray
  Did daddies really never go away?
  Oh, Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days
  Oh, Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days
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  27

  I am pregnant!!!!!

  by snarf in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i just found out that i am pregnant and just wanted to share the exciting news !!!

  !

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  fairchild

  How exciting! Congrats!
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  32

  you wont believe it if I tell you now

  by moa in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i am who i am that is my name, born among you as the son of mankind, my name i know it now for sure is jehovah

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  fairchild

  1. Why are you such a dick in the 1st testament.. I mean, killing babies, raping women, chopping foreskins off, wtf???
  
  2. What's up with Satan? I mean, is your ego so huge as to let him wreak havoc for millenia on us poor humans just to vindicate your sovereignty? As if we didn't know you are all powerful?
  
  3. Why can't you just solve your own problems with disobedient children yourself instead of constructing hugely convoluted dogma to explain it all?
  
  4. Why don't you perform any more miracles? Because it might actually help us to believe you?
  
  5. Where the fuck did you come from? And can you please return there before screwing anything else up?

  Daniel-P, We need to get married ASAP. I have been asking those same questions over and over and over again, especially question number 1 and question number 2.

  Jehovah, Thanks you for posting at JWD, we feel extremely honored with your visit. I was unaware of the fact that you had a computer. When did you create a computer for yourself, and what brand is it? Do you have high speed connection, or just dial-up?

  *gets the popcorn out*
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  39

  We can sent e-greetings to Ian in the hospital!

  by Alleymom in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hey, everyone ---.

  gumby suggested that i start a new thread with this information.. we can send e-greetings to ian while he is in the hospital.

  volunteers at the christie hospital will print and deliver our greetings from 9-5 from m-f. so let's surprise ian (and the hospital volunteers!

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  fairchild

  Yeah, I did too. It's great to have such a service where you can send e-greetings.