My ramblings
I was a very active MS always saying yes to whatever assignment the elders gave me, I did it all, Field Service, P/Talks, group, TMS, Service meeting talks, the lot, and I shepherd my group. All this on to of bringing my children up, earning a living and also setting up a new trade.
I was wearing myself out, I was burnt out, and I asked the elders for help on many occasions, guess what? No help at all, just more to do.
I look back and feel this was too much for any person to do, my head was ready to blow just like a volcano but in the troof you not allowed to show you feelings as you are seen as a disrupter, belligerent or a weak person, I even was counselled for how I felt.
My whole week was mapped out for weeks ahead, there was no time for living, just theocratic stuff, this went on for ages, and what upsets me now is I didnt know what was happening to me, my mind was set do more, I never gave it a thought that I was driving my mind to madness.
When my depression got the better of me and could not cope because of years of abuse (from the gong), I was nearly DF'd, but had a Public reproof (staying over night with op sex (just to get away from it all), but no immorality). The elders promised to help me, guess what they only gave a token attempt at helping, at one time I was so distraught with threats and lies from my wife, I just cried and cried rolled up like a ball on the floor, I rang the PO for help, could you over a prayer for me, I asked, sorry too busy give so so a phone call, I did sorry Im busy, phone so and so, I got the same answer each time. BTW Im still waiting for a visit from the elders.
One day I will tell my full story, but now Im on my own trying to put my life back again, in this world you have to do it yourself (DIY), forget elders, forget the WT, they do not care, I even spoke to the CO about this and other wrongs within the elders, he showed little interest, did nothing.
Now Im on the fence, I love God, but how can I worship him?
I feel that there must be some loving elders somewhere, reading all your comments about the horrid unjust treatment at the hands of supposedly Princes in all the Earth, loving shepherds!!!!
frogit