Ok, after going about it in my head and reading the post written by everyone for a bit now, I guess I will venture into the jungle and see what "this doo's".
Personally I hate that the statue of limitation has run out for some. Often most in these cases cannot be prosecuted it seems. I for one have a burr in my shorts when it comes to all of this and all of the complications. For instance What Tex Wrote here is huge, "My motivation was to help anyone avoid what I went through. In many ways it was worse than the original event, if you take my meaning. " For he is absolutely right. From my experience, and that is all I have to go by one of the worst things to build up your courage and once again have it shot down by the offender.
An example of such is having confronted my one brother who is still in the dubs in another state about his having told me that the one child he abused was not the only one. Then as if I were not there and as if I did not hear what I heard nor discuss it with him, he will lie to me and say he did not say that. It is bullsh*t!
He still goes to meetings, assemblies, crosses state lines all amongst the congregations without registering in each state he goes into. He has access to people I love and I do not.
It is hurtful and raw to know that he is guilty and won't have to pay. Not that I want revenge. But if he is lying, then I don't see that he has changed. Repentant? A person who has stopped a pattern of abuse to children...I think not. He walks about and has free reign of whosoever he pleases. Heck he brags of taking vans of kids to the assembly. No damn joke.
I even handed the elders letters he wrote me from prison that showed he was still WAY messed up. How he wanted me to be his second wife and all kinds of messed up things. NOTHING was done. Those letters disappeared off the face of the earth and I will not see them again. I am sure they were in a trash can years ago. Now that I think about it, it was odd how the brother that came to get them from me was alone, met me at MCD's and was not in a suit. Just trying to be a regular guy. No witnesses. I was young and did not make a copy. (really young) I am sure it was all demised that way. So now my one brother walks around free and clear and his review among the parole board passed with flying colors.
I am all for getting professional help. And I have to say that as HS says yes professionals are the correct one to do the job. BUT, I also must say that as far as Flipper said. The first thing they tell you is go to the ones that support you. I even was told to not loose contact with people from here that I had made friends with because of the intricacies that arise and not a lot of people understand them except for a peer group like the people here. Ones who have been through it. BUT again I say that with knowing and having done it, professional help is a must also.
I also was played recordings of the transcripts and such of the professionals that handled my brother that he is fine. Well I don't give a shit. Just because a person has a degree in something or another does not make them good at what they do. Even if they are good, still someone slips through the cracks. It is narcissistic personalities like this that think they are smarter than the professionals. For the moment, yes he was. But people like him do not hide the color they try to keep in front all the time and people who have been on the receiving end slowly start to spot people such as him. Some are more skilled at it while it takes others going to a professional to see what is right in front of their face.
Hell imagine my horror at trying to wrap my head around a personality I cannot even remember much. The damage left is there. I respond to crap due to situations I was put in very young. My mind is a actually a wiped slate when it comes to these events I lived through. I even called my sister who was older and has told me something happened to me. She remembers it all. Now mind you, we don't talk, she is a witness. But she will talk with me about these things. So I am distraught. Life was messed up for a while there and I had these dreams creeping in. I could have puked on the floor when I started to tell her a dream and she finished it for me. To the detail. She said they are not dreams and these are things that happened.
Now what to do with that? Furthermore, what to do with the knowledge from professionals that I will continue to be attracted to and attract these personalities until I face these issues that I cannot remember. Talk about a messed up plan. So somewhere in me, I have this training to be freaking terrified of, and in awe of something horrible that I need to address or I will keep making the same mistake. WTF?
A nightmare does not a full memory make and an aspect of someones personality does not make them a pedophile. BUT I not even knowing my step dad that well have to deal with the damage he did to my head. Damage I did not know existed, and yet, I keep repeating over and over. So yes, professionals will help you sort it all out. And support from friends, this place, and lots of other places that you have people will help put it all in its correct place. I realize there is bad advice out there, but that also is part of cognitive therapy. When in a group and you have to hear someones bad advice...part of getting better is to realize it is bad advice. You know? Perhaps part of what that person needs is to hear that they give bad advice!
Now here is the kicker, when you do go get help, and then loved ones start to become condescending because they do not understand what you are going through. Often they have their own demons they have not faced. When people around you don't have a clue or can't possibly imagine the damage they do to your love for them, and yet at the time act so smart because they have read or have heard this or that. Or perhaps just don't want you to be so screwed up in some areas...well it hurts. You lose loved ones. You lose friends and you lose closeness to your kids sometimes because they cannot wrap their minds around where you are at.
You want to be happy that they don't have a clue, but the more you learn with the professionals, the more you learn how much they don't know and how truly things will never be the same. Once you are empowered, even if just a bit...you cannot see them the same. Your kids, yeah. For me it was that. But friends...It was like losing my new family all over again. First you lose a childhood. Then you lose innocence. Then you lose faith, then you think you have it right just to find out how misinformed you were. Then you find out choices you made are not good and not healthy. Then you lose all over again. Here and there you gain insight to people and they into you and some actually seek help for themselves and even if it is to do a litle research as to why they reacted how they did, you have to be a bit happy that they cared enough to do it.
Suddenly that crazy person you know is not so crazy. Suddenly they are really freaking smart and you see how even after having left the dubs (getting kicked out and not going back) that you still were looking at things askewed. Then the kicker is to realize people you thought were the smartest are not even close to smart.
Your world is turned around and everything is turned around and if you are a person who thinks too much, or are told you do, it is hard not to run each of these things through your mind like a Catholic grasping at rosary beads. When it all has settled, you often see that there is not a lot to be done with old cases. Help people you know with what you have learned, help ones going through it as youngsters by being attentive and not doubting what you see. Don't ignore that voice you hear in your head when you see something or experience mind control and get more faith in yourself. HEll even if you thought you had enough as I did you can be shocked.
This world is FULL of monsters. They walk about and look like you or me and they look normal. Hell that is their aim. They have shit they don't want you to see and they keep it tidy. That is what they do. That is how they exist. They pull things a person with a conscience as yours may never pull. Then they walk about still with a clean conscience. It does not bother them. The criteria they have for conscience is different than yours or mine. (I speak to people having sat where I sit) So if you think that you can get about and keep up with them, you are fooling yourself. You can only catch some and usually it is things that are happening now. Not then, and you have to get over it. Keep informed, and keep others informed, but keep your behind and your kiddos and loved ones away from them.
Hell I had one friend tell me that there is more than one way into a little girls panties. She was so right. The looks one gets from older men/women that are not appropriate and the freaking hunter prey game that goes on does not go unseen. The best I would think, that one can do is inform your kids that they feel that way for a reason. Stay clear from them. A person ogling your daughter or son that is above age is justifying it in their minds somehow. But the damage they do to the ones they gaze upon or play games with is harmful. Even when they never touch. It makes the kid feel bad about themselves. Heck as far as I know, my brother by marriage never laid a hand on me. Others he did, but I know that when prolonged exposure to him was happening, I felt so awful about myself. Confused and reacted in ways that now I cannot change. It just messes with ones head. And the sad fact is that they LOVE it! They are getting what they want just by looking and they don't care. Selfish and predators. Just waiting for anything that feeds the needs they have. (wants)
So I know I am writing thoughts out fast and having had several and horrible experiences in my life...some I remember, some I don't, I am sure that this may not make sense to many, but to those who have been there. They will know exactly what I am writing of.
Each case is individual. Some may get justice, some may not. But please don't ruin the rest of your life pouring hatred into something you cannot fix. By all means fix it if you can, but most of all...fix yourself. Because ain't nobody going to do it for you.
