Posts by Daizzy

33

Lost, Confused, and Hurting .....

by Daizzy in

hi everyone, i don't mean to burden anyone with my problems, but hope that i can get some feedback.

in sept. i met a guy whom i assumed was happily married.

we worked together for 4 weeks at the first job and became pretty close friends.by then i already knew how much i was liking him.

Daizzy

To Guest77,

Hi and thank you , I am probably confusing everyone since to me in a way he seems very open to me about where he stands on the whole JW thing, and upfront about what he needs to do and that he wants to be with me. But at the same time he has me so confused like if he knows he is doing wrong and what he has to do to fix it then why doesn't he ? Or the fact that he is an active JW and I am not but he believes in this whole thing like nothing else , then why not just come out with it all, why keep the lying to everyone up? And if he knows it is stressful on me and the unborn baby, and truly does want too be with me then why doesn't he start right now by making everything right? I think that if all of this JW stuff wasn't involved, he would not only be able to do what he has to do to be with me quicker but also that we are very great for one another. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him- literally, 5, 10, 20 or more years. Whatever it may be. I thank you for listening. It sure is helping me to be able to let some of this out. He tells me to talk to him about it when the situation bothers me but sometimes he gets defensive and frusterated about it. Thank You,

Daizzy

33

Lost, Confused, and Hurting .....

by Daizzy in

hi everyone, i don't mean to burden anyone with my problems, but hope that i can get some feedback.

in sept. i met a guy whom i assumed was happily married.

we worked together for 4 weeks at the first job and became pretty close friends.by then i already knew how much i was liking him.

Daizzy

Hi Balsam, and thank you. I am starting to see more and understand more for what is going on. I never expected this many replies all in one day !! He has talked to me actually quite a bit about this whole JW thing. I know he knows that the congregation will DF him, and as far as I understand it bothers him a great deal but is ready to deal with it. He will get very quiet some times like something is wrong, and we have been able to read each other from day one. I kept asking him what it was getting too him and he finally told me that sometimes when he is quiet it is because he is thinking of how much wrong he is doing. and so on. His wife stopped going to the meetings like 6-7 years ago and has held something against him for that long by saying things like " we have only been married 10 years, not 16", I even heard her for myself on the phone several occasions bring up the past. Which she obviously has not gotten over.I heard her say like 3 times that she was going too the brothers and telling them that she cheated on him and she is filing for divorce. But she never follows through with it. I never intended to get involved with a married man because of all of this, but went through the same thing with my ex- husband and being miserable with no love, intimacy, talking, anything for over 2 years, and when I found out the real situation of his it changed me because he has been going through it for 6-7 years now. I was ready to pack and leave my job behind just so I wouldn't subject myself to him, due to knowing how I was feeling about him. He said and agreed that how can 2 people who are soooo very right for and good for each other let a chance pass them by and not make a go for it. This could be my soul- mate , the one man who is right for me, and me for him, despite the situation. I was under the impression that he was going to make everything right by leaving her asap, but as time goes by that does not happen. I get 2 different lines of what he is going to do back and forth. I love this man more than I could ever imagine in so little bit of time, I wanted to go about all of this the right way. Fix our problems, spend some more time together getting to know one another, then get married and have a child. Now it is all backwards and there isn't anything I can do to stop it, except leave him and go about my life , raise my daughter and his child by myself, and hope I don't ever run into him at another job site. We work Nuclear Power Outages and are even scheduled for 2 more together starting in March. But here is what has really got me: he agrees that I do not need this stress being pregnant and all, or regardless. And everything he has done so far proves that he loves me in not so many ways. He left our job in Virginia to drive all the way to Illinois and back with me in a matter of 3 days just so I could pick my daughter up whom I had never left with even my own dad while Iwas away working. He took me with him and put me up in a hotel in North Carolina just so he could still see me everyday while he would go home and spend time with his kids, he took my daughter and i around the Wilmington area so she could see the Ocean for the first time and such. He is now supporting me kinda while I am laid off and he isn't. I get monthly disability checks as I have had two transplants in the past year and a half. Him and I have went to New York Skiing over New Years and instead of letting me drive all the way back to Illinois myself from Ohio he drove me so I could pick my daughter up from my dads. He kisses my tummy and talks to the baby all the time, is always telling me just how much he loves me, and so on, but at the same time tells me that he has to wait for his wife to start the big fight so he can end it , and that his mom and sisters will love the baby no matter what , and will eventually grow to like me . i didn't want any of this. I want people to like for whom I am , not have to grow too like me. I wish I could start all of this over or just end it until it is right on his end. I love this guy so very much and just can't seem to break myself away from him even for the few times I have headed home to visit my parents and sister and brother. I just want to tell him that he either gets the cat out of the bag and end all of the lies or I will be gone for good.I am not and have never been a JW but I think it doesn't matter if you have already told one lie already or not. Just because he has already told one gives him no reason to tell more until time is good for him. I am sorry I wrote so much, i think I am finally relieving some of this stress. Thank you for your help and for listening. Talk to you soon.

Daizzy

33

Lost, Confused, and Hurting .....

by Daizzy in

hi everyone, i don't mean to burden anyone with my problems, but hope that i can get some feedback.

in sept. i met a guy whom i assumed was happily married.

we worked together for 4 weeks at the first job and became pretty close friends.by then i already knew how much i was liking him.

Daizzy

Hi Jez, I appreciate you and everyone who is trying to help me. First, let me answer your questions.....

He says that he loves me more than I could ever know- we became like best friends a good almost 2 months before we decided we had these feelings to let out. He says that he wants to be with me, marry me, all of that, even before I knew about the whole JW thing. He does have 2 children with his first wife - a 15 yr. old son and a 12 yr. old daughter., whom also are brought up as JWs, I guess his wife used to be a JW but hasn't been in a good like 6-7 yrs now. She just gave up and decided that Jehovah was the reason for all of her problems- both her and in marriage. She has hung on to something that happened some 6-7 years ago and when he told her happy 16th wedding anniversary she said he meant 10, that it ended 6 years ago, and that she loves and cares for him, but isn't actually in love with him. And as far as I know most of the family are active JW's . As for the doing things in a certain way- he says that he has to wait for her to start the big fight on the phone, then he could use that as a way to end it . Because there are a certain way to do things so he doesn't hurt his family and all. But that it is going to happen. He says one minute that it isn't fair to me to be going through this and all the stress especially being pregnant, that he is just going to have to come forward and tell the brothers what he has done and everyone else. That then he can let her go and make things right with me. That she stopped believing in that way and that it takes 2 too make this work ( which I believe that ) but then it makes me think is he trying to convert me by telling me we would have to make it right and both people have to believe. Hope I made some sense. And I appreciate your kindness and help. I am starting to see more the more I read and talk. Thank You, Daizzy

33

Lost, Confused, and Hurting .....

by Daizzy in

hi everyone, i don't mean to burden anyone with my problems, but hope that i can get some feedback.

in sept. i met a guy whom i assumed was happily married.

we worked together for 4 weeks at the first job and became pretty close friends.by then i already knew how much i was liking him.

Daizzy

To upside/down: Thank you for that very open honest reply. I have to say though that it eats at me everyday. That is why I am writing and studying and trying to figure everything out. I have never cheated in my life on anyone, that is until now. That 1 time kills the never though I do understand that. I left my husband and divorced before we actually opened up about our feelings towards one another. I went to work to work, not to find somebody. I never in a million years thought that what happened would happen or that I would ever even get involved with somebody this fast. Those were not my intentions. Now, with him it is strictly about his JW beliefs and I don't know much about the JWs except for what I have read and studied. But even to me what he is doing wrong with all the lies and all is eating at me day and night. And I have been ready to just say forget it all and head home until all has been fixed. But I really do love this guy and despite my beliefs and everything I have done wrong I can't just do that, as badly as I want too. Believe me, I am not a bad person. I got myself mixed up in a crazy situation but I want too fix it. As for my ex husband, I left him and a month and a half after it was over with him and I is when I met this guy. 2nd: I became nothing but friends with him, was even going to leave my good job because I didn't want to let myself get into this kind of mess.So i had been legally seperated and then divorced for some time before I had even came to reality how I felt about this JW. Never once did I go home to my ex to give him sloppy seconds or what not. I haven't even seen him since I left him. But I am trying to fix the mistakes I made that I tried not too. I do thank you for your open opinion though. NO OFFENSE taken. honestly.

33

Lost, Confused, and Hurting .....

by Daizzy in

hi everyone, i don't mean to burden anyone with my problems, but hope that i can get some feedback.

in sept. i met a guy whom i assumed was happily married.

we worked together for 4 weeks at the first job and became pretty close friends.by then i already knew how much i was liking him.

Daizzy

To confusedjw : thank you for your reply. What you said about his 'sins' with me resulting in the ultimate death and damaging his relationship with God is in not so many words what he has said. But he also says that the only way he can fix it is by fixing the problems he has now , and making things right with me. Do you know anything about this?

33

Lost, Confused, and Hurting .....

by Daizzy in

hi everyone, i don't mean to burden anyone with my problems, but hope that i can get some feedback.

in sept. i met a guy whom i assumed was happily married.

we worked together for 4 weeks at the first job and became pretty close friends.by then i already knew how much i was liking him.

Daizzy

hi everyone, i don't mean to burden anyone with my problems, but hope that i can get some feedback. in sept. i met a guy whom i assumed was happily married. we worked together for 4 weeks at the first job and became pretty close friends.By then I already knew how much I was liking him. Awesome personality, so much in common, we hit it off the very first day. Then the next job came around 3 weeks later and we were all at the same hotel and partying together the first week. Everyday we found out just how much we had in common and so on. He even told me how pretty I was and how I turn everyones head when I walk into the room. So now I knew I was falling in love with this guy, and was ready to pack up and head home . I had been unhappily married for over 2 years, and he was married , just not as happily as he was leading on. So to make a long story short. We ended up realizing just how good we were for each other and that we couldn't let something this good that could be our one chance for happiness pass us by, we began sharing a hotel room together and such that comes along with all that- sex , everything. We went on a road trip for the last Nascar race of the season,and on the way home we got into a discussion about some stuff that has happened to me - weird stuff, And that was when I found out that he was a JW. Didn't bother me, really didn't know much about it. Until now that is : now I know that everything he is doing and what we are doing is wrong. We are now living together. His wife is the way he explained her down to a T. Horrible, degrading of him, you name it, and for something that happened so long ago. But my family all knows that we are together despite me being in the middle of a divorce, but he says he has to take care of his problems at home in a certain way so things don't get really bad. I am confused. Why , if he has every reason to end it with her, does he have to do it in a certain way, and keep on lying to everyone in his family except his 2 cousins that do know about me? He is okay with me being who I am, and I don't think he is trying to convert me, we both talk about it but I don't believe in alot of the ways of the catholics, lutherans, baptists and so on. I do believe in God more than I can explain or show, but besides that I am not sure what is going on. I really love this guy and know beyond 100% that he does love me, but why the hesitation? He says it bothers him that he knows he is doing wrong, and he needs to fix it but at the same time he just keeps waiting on his ex to make a wrong move. She already said that she is divorcing him twice and that she has cheated on him. That his family would be hurt and such. We have been living together since that 2 nd job started back in Oct. and now I am pregnant. I went and am still going against everything I believe in, but I have come straight with my family so there aren't any lies making it worse. He says that he has to come straight with everyone and marry me to make things right. And marry me not because it is what he believes god wants but because he really truly does love me. I don't know what to make of this situation and I have already told him that I am ready to go stay at my Dad's until he does take care of his part of the problems . After reading some posts and replies last night, I am truly starting to wonder what he isn't telling me. People make this JW thing sound so much different than what he is stating he believes and they believe in. I don't want too leave him but do want him to just come forward with everyone and fix things if he truly loves me as much as he says he does. Everything he has done in the past few months has proven he has done it all for me and that he loves me. Somebody please help - I am so lost and confused, and this is the only thing that is keeping me from being truly happy with him.

Daizzy