Dear SY,
I'm terribly sorry to hear about the recent loss of your father, I wasn't aware of that. No doubt you must be going through an intense period of grief right now, and are in much need of support. I am extremely close with my father these days, and I frequently think on how hard it would be to lose him. There's are probaby many things I could say in response to your post, but I fear that anything I do say could be miscontrued as interfering in your marriage affairs, something I know nothing about, or have experience in.
You did you though mention that you believe that posters such as myself are complicit in induging the false realities of others on this forum, which is a point I have to largely disagree with, and I will explain why. I likewise came from a very abusive and highly disfunctional witness family, whose parents were attracted to the org in an attempt to magically solve all their ails, and have come to the conclusion that this factor has played an equal part in my residual issues. However, there are quite a number of us from similar backgrounds on JWD, who were raised in similarly lethal home environments. I think it is fair to say that it is impossible to separate the 2 issues once they intersect, as they play off eachother. And while I realise this may be difficult for you to hear, as cleary you and your family have your needs as well, that older long-term posters provide an essential support base for this forum, without them I don't believe this forum would exist as the thriving metropolis that it is. There are a number of such posters who are highly valued for their continued contributions. I appreciate though that this fact may be difficult to accept if you felt that others needs closer to home were being sacrificed in the process.
I do agree though that internet based modes of communications are not without their many failings, and it is true there is a great deal of fluff discussed that some do find offensive. It is also my opinon though that such matters are essential for deriving a balance on this discussion board, as I've learnt that if you don't learn to laugh about things you'll spend far too much time crying. I also think they serve a useful purpose in prompting newly left ones to search out their own feelings on issues, especially moral ones, that were once passively dictated to them.
Well honey I do hope that you soon find some mentalpeace from such thoughts that are clearly distressing and causing you much frustration and grief. Perhaps in 20years I will look back and think to myself what rott I spoke back then, and who was I to comment, but until such a time comes I can only stand by what I've said here and now as it was meant sincerely and without bias.
luv frog x