When I was disfellowshipped, I felt it was justified, in fact I told on myself 3 different times. I was really looking for help, I had an addiction problem. It wasn't a spiritual problem, there was no question as to my love for God to me, but the brothers did not understand nor did I at the time. They were intent on disciplining me for disobedience and telling me to stop sinning by reading the bible, WT, Awake and going out in service. I felt the decision was justified because I expected it, also because they trained me to expect it, they made me think I had a disobedience problem and also lack of love and respect for the cong & God. I knew deep down that I didn't have those issues. So after the disfellowshipping, I started to try to figure out why I was doing the things I was doing. It was simple, I had an addictive personality, and that was the source of disobedience, not lack of love & respect for the cong & God. I was really hurt because I had given the organization so much of my time and energy and I was faithful, and the moment I admit that I have a serious weakness that I don't know how to deal with, they casted me out like a devil. I was only 18 years old at the time, but I viewed JW's like my mother and father, because my real mother and father neglected and abused me.
I still blamed myself for a year or so after, and I didn't even start researching "Apostate site's" until about a year and a half afterwards. I started researching these "sites" because deep down in my heart I knew I wasn't wrong, I was sick and needed real help. I only blamed myself because they taught me to blame myself, after researching the "sites" I started to realize that for all the energy I put into the organization, they owe me as my brothers help with my addiction without judging. They did neither. I was left on the streets with nobody to help me, no family or friends and had to overcome my addictive personality on my own.
I now know what love really is and what it means to be a friend and to really want to help somebody you care about. JW's never really wanted to help me, they want to use my energy's, talent's, and time to fulfill their organizational goals, the moment they felt I was to weak or unavailable to them, they got rid of me. I lost some people I care about including my closest friends and family members.
I definitely don't think that the disfellowshipping was justified now.
