Posts by Check_Your

I don't know that this is any great breakthrough in her exit... rather it is at best a moment of clarity and willingness to admit that she is not happy. The challenge is to get her to deal with that fact, instead of running back to get her fix, only to put off the inevitable repeat of this conversation.

Her faith lies in the ritual to provide her with discipline and structure. Her bouts of exhaustion with the jw regimen always coincide with bouts of self loathing and re-activation of her bulimic behavior. When she is doing everything right "spiritually", that is when she feels good. She is in control. She is on top of things. She is working out, eating right, keeping the house orderly, going out in service. It all goes together.

The reality is my wife's problem is not that she is a jw. Her problem is that she is psychologically unbalanced... she has unresolved issues and experiences. She has experiences that she has not put in proper perspective. She has experiences that she has not rationalized. She has behavior resulting from those experiences that she has not recognized and understood, and therefore cannot control.

My problem is she has no desire to deal with those things. She isn't comfortable digging around upstairs. She sees such things as weaknesses. She only wants to make the symptoms go away. She only wants to feel in control. She doesn't want to deal with the ultimate causes of her problems. That has always been, and remains my challenge.

CYP

34

Ok, so how big of a deal is it when a jw tells you this:

by Check_Your_Premises in

jw
friends

"i just don't feel like being a witness anymore".

naturally i was intrigued.. she assured me she still believes it is the truth.

she just isn't happy.

Check_Your_Premises

If you take this opportunity then be gentle, don't dive in though if i heard my mum say that i'd be tempted to. Listen as much as you speak and show yourself to care about individual as much as them not being witness, that way your not views as a bitter person but genuine and that can only be good right?

Yeah, when she said that to me, I really felt the pressure. I saw that such an admission would allow for a coup de grace for the masterful amatuer exit counselor. ON the other hand, I also recognized that any ham-handed attempt to force this opening to a sudden and ill-timed acceptance of the falsehood of TFDS doctrine would result in a total destruction of trust.

Mostly I tried to listen, and my questions were mostly diagnostic. I broached the subject of believing if it is the truth, mostly to sense her openess to that idea. I don't think she is open to it. We weren't able to finish the discussion because it was time for her to go the meeting. I was extra attentive in helping her to get ready. I also re-iterated that although I have practical objections to the behavior that results from her religion, I ultimately want her to do what she thinks is right, and will always support that. I reiterated that I would never want her to leave if she thought it was the truth, and I would always support her in that.

I think what I need to do now, is take the conversation outside of religion. This isn't really ultimately about the religion. The religion is simply an attempt to acquire control and happiness that has thus far eluded her. I doubt she will want to continue the conversation, since she went to her meeting and got her fix. Nevertheless, I will remind her that this is a conversation we have had before, and we will have again. Maybe that will open her up a bit. WHat made this conversation unique from past ones is that she admitted she felt like chucking it, and she wasn't happy. Those things have never been admitted.

Thanks all for your input. And any additional insights or advice on how to take advantage of this opportunity to help her regain some control over her life would be greatly appreciated.

CYP

34

Ok, so how big of a deal is it when a jw tells you this:

by Check_Your_Premises in

jw
friends

"i just don't feel like being a witness anymore".

naturally i was intrigued.. she assured me she still believes it is the truth.

she just isn't happy.

Check_Your_Premises

diehard lifer would never admit that to an ex-jw.

Just for the record Tet, I have never been a jw. As far as I ever got was to be impressed with their dedication to their faith, and to consider that it might be remotely possible, no matter how ridiculous it sounded, that they might be God's organization.

Other than that, thanks for the input.

CYP

34

Ok, so how big of a deal is it when a jw tells you this:

by Check_Your_Premises in

jw
friends

"i just don't feel like being a witness anymore".

naturally i was intrigued.. she assured me she still believes it is the truth.

she just isn't happy.

Check_Your_Premises

it's just that they're tired and looking for support to keep going in the religion

Yeah, I think you are probably right. On the other hand, if it were carefully, and skillfully manipulated I figure it could be something cultivated into doubt.

CYP

34

Ok, so how big of a deal is it when a jw tells you this:

by Check_Your_Premises in

jw
friends

"i just don't feel like being a witness anymore".

naturally i was intrigued.. she assured me she still believes it is the truth.

she just isn't happy.

Check_Your_Premises

Keep in mind, she is not even 1 year into her baptism.

She is not very comfortable avoiding her spritual regimin. If I were to suggest alot of alternatives, or I tried to entice her, it would likely backfire.

I told her I "want her to do what she thinks is right". I play that one up a lot. I figure it will come in handy when she is ready to face the fact that this ain't right!

CYP

15

"Are Jehovah's Witnesses a sect or a cult?"

by Cognitive_Dissident in

the following is taken directly from the reasoning book, page 202, under the heading jehovah's witnesses.

parentheses are mine .

are jehovah's witnesses a sect or a cult?".

Check_Your_Premises

They aren't a cult because of what they beleive. They are a cult because of how they behave.

The way they behave is to take control over the individual's life, from the individual, and transfer it to the group.

The way they are able to acquire this control is through tried and true mind control techniques.

CYP

34

Ok, so how big of a deal is it when a jw tells you this:

by Check_Your_Premises in

jw
friends

"i just don't feel like being a witness anymore".

naturally i was intrigued.. she assured me she still believes it is the truth.

she just isn't happy.

Check_Your_Premises

Thanks Scully.

Actually your post pointed to how I really should be thinking about this.

How do I use this moment to help her get some control over her life?

Give her permission to take a break. That is interstintg.

I kind of did that. I told her whenever I feel like I should be doing more as a Christian, I always take a step back, realize I shouldn't be thinking as my relationship as a duty, and try to figure out why I don't want to do something.

I would love to hear from anybody who had similar feelings. Please!

CYP

34

Ok, so how big of a deal is it when a jw tells you this:

by Check_Your_Premises in

jw
friends

"i just don't feel like being a witness anymore".

naturally i was intrigued.. she assured me she still believes it is the truth.

she just isn't happy.

Check_Your_Premises

"I just don't feel like being a witness anymore"

Naturally I was intrigued.

She assured me she still believes it is the truth. She just isn't happy. I danced around the subject of wondering whether or not it really is the truth. She didn't seem comfortable talking about that.

What do you think? What were your experiences with these feelings? What about others you knew?

Could this be a light at the end of the tunnel?

or is this standard stuff even among the die-hard lifers?

CYP

15

Could this be HOW they ban the internet?

by AK - Jeff in

jw
friends

i posted this idea to unclebruce's thread - i deceded to repost as it's own thought here.

i would not be surprised this very kind of article could come out of brooklyn someday soon.

coming soon to a watchtower near you!

Check_Your_Premises

You kind of got me goin here.

I know it would probably infuriate my wife to no end, but it would be funny to write a fake wt... you know get it printed and everything to look like a new one only with a phony article in it. Let her read it and agree with it all because it came from the slave.

Eventually she would figure out it was a fake, but it would have to mess with her some that she beleived it all.

I wouldn't do it, but it is fun to think about.

CYP

Check_Your_Premises

Posts by Check_Your_Premises