by Check_Your_Premises 34 Replies latest jw friends
"I just don't feel like being a witness anymore"
Naturally I was intrigued.
She assured me she still believes it is the truth. She just isn't happy. I danced around the subject of wondering whether or not it really is the truth. She didn't seem comfortable talking about that.
What do you think? What were your experiences with these feelings? What about others you knew?
Could this be a light at the end of the tunnel?
or is this standard stuff even among the die-hard lifers?
CYP
"I just don't feel like being a witness anymore"
This is the perfect opportunity to offer the person a chance to do just that. You can suggest a "vacation" period, where they don't have to think about going to meetings or out in service, and can focus on doing things that she wants to do for herself or her family.
Usually other JWs either totally nag you about doing this [they can get pretty ugly about it too] or they completely forget that you exist. Either way, this is another great opportunity for you to point out that you were led to believe that JWs were supposed to have "love among themselves" to prove that they are Jesus' true disciples, and you can ask the person if the behaviour they are experiencing really feels like that kind of love, or if it is more like emotional blackmail, or even worse, fake love.
It sounds like the love bombing has stopped, and the JWs have moved on to fresh meat.
Good luck!
Thanks Scully.
Actually your post pointed to how I really should be thinking about this.
How do I use this moment to help her get some control over her life?
Give her permission to take a break. That is interstintg.
I kind of did that. I told her whenever I feel like I should be doing more as a Christian, I always take a step back, realize I shouldn't be thinking as my relationship as a duty, and try to figure out why I don't want to do something.
I would love to hear from anybody who had similar feelings. Please!
CYP
I would think that now might be the time to do some fun things that take up the time usually spent at the kingdum hall.
Also a good time to express your love for her and your children and other family members with visits etc.
Let her get a breath of the fresh air away from the jw's
Outoftheorg
Keep in mind, she is not even 1 year into her baptism.
She is not very comfortable avoiding her spritual regimin. If I were to suggest alot of alternatives, or I tried to entice her, it would likely backfire.
I told her I "want her to do what she thinks is right". I play that one up a lot. I figure it will come in handy when she is ready to face the fact that this ain't right!
CYP
In my experience, when a witness says that they don't feel like being a witness anymore it's just that they're tired and looking for support to keep going in the religion. I had a number of friends who were more than tired of being a jw but in the end, weren't interested in leaving. Once I questionned the religion in any way, their defences went up and I got the "It may have problems but it's still the truth" line. They may like to rant about the problems but they will defend their "mother" to the death. Sadly, they may have to.
I hope your friend is different. It's possible. I haven't seen it though.
tall penguin
it's just that they're tired and looking for support to keep going in the religion
Yeah, I think you are probably right. On the other hand, if it were carefully, and skillfully manipulated I figure it could be something cultivated into doubt.
CYP
Could this be a light at the end of the tunnel? or is this standard stuff even among the die-hard lifers?hey bro,
i would vote for 'light at the end of the tunnel'. a diehard lifer would never admit that to an ex-jw. when i was die hard the most that i would admit is that i just wanted the end to come, and didn't care if i made it or not.
i would certainly vote for light at the end of the tunnel.
good luck man,
ts
I felt like her when I left. I thought it was the truth, knew I was doing wrong by falling away but also knew that I couldn't go on being so unhappy.
If you had tried to convince me that it wasn't the truth back then I'd have ignored you like she did. I think people need to fall away at their own pace.
Maybe you should have asked her why she was so unhappy and then worked on that.
Actually I have had two witnesses tell me this. One was the girl I should have married. One day she visited and we were just kickin it and she said how she never thought she would not want to go out in service or to the meetings. At the time I was married (to someone else of course) and feeling the same way. Of course instead of really digging out these feelings, we did what good witnesses do buried them and pretend they dont exist. I heard she got DF I would love to run into her again.
The other time was just two days ago, a good friend of mine who normally spends time trying to figure out why I dont go to the hall anymore, confessed 'sometimes I feel the exact same way you do.' He was telling me how the bro he gets a ride to work with told him he will have to find another way to work. Never mind that the distance between there houses is less than a mile and they work essentially the same shift. yes it must be nice knowing there are bro's like that who will have your back once persecution begins. Alas by the end of the night he was back to his mantra of he must continue to wait on Jehovah and he will bless him.
It is amazing what the human pyschi will allow and dis-allow.
