Check_Your_Premises

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Posts by Check_Your_Premises

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  19

  How will JW's and the Society deal with the upcoming 'Centennial Season'?

  by nicolaou in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  okay so we're still a good seven years away but before they know it the watchtower will have to deal with all those centennials, the 100 year anniversaries they hoped and prayed would never come around.. how do you suppose they'll handle it?

  how should we handle it?

  what on earth are any long time dubs going to be thinking?.

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  Check_Your_Premises

  Jeff,

  You are disturbingly good at writing this crap.

  CYP
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  43

  1992 murder conviction is upheld - William Carlson

  by Dogpatch in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  remember this guy?.

  1992 murder conviction is upheld.

  by barbara bell.

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  Check_Your_Premises

  Wow that is a really disturbing story!

  I am from that area, but I was living elsewhere at the time so I don't recall this at all.

  Even if his dad buggered him, he had to be pretty disturbed to rape his dead mother?! Which then makes me wonder if he was disturbed enough to claim his dad buggered him.

  Hey the dubs get on my nerves too, but they sure never made me want to kill and rape my mother.

  I will sleep better knowing this guy is behind bars.

  CYP
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  6

  Police Convinced "Brochure Murders" the Work of Badly Dressed Serial Killer

  by Check_Your_Premises in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  apupi - sheboygan, wi.

  police made a significant breakthrough this week in a perplexing string of murders with the help of forensic science.

  for years now police have been befuddled by a series of murders that have followed the same pattern.

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  Check_Your_Premises

  Sucks the life out of you and turns you to dust? Pretty accurate description then, hey cal?

  The real funny part is I cut and pasted the profile from a standard sociopath description. I knew I would find a few things there, but I was amazed how well it fit! I only cut a couple!

  CYP
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  6

  Police Convinced "Brochure Murders" the Work of Badly Dressed Serial Killer

  by Check_Your_Premises in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  apupi - sheboygan, wi.

  police made a significant breakthrough this week in a perplexing string of murders with the help of forensic science.

  for years now police have been befuddled by a series of murders that have followed the same pattern.

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  Check_Your_Premises

  APUPI - Sheboygan, WI

  Police made a significant breakthrough this week in a perplexing string of murders with the help of forensic science.

  For years now police have been befuddled by a series of murders that have followed the same pattern. The victims are all found at their door in a very advanced state of decay with a brochure filled with inane, indecipherable gibberish in their hand.

  "At first we focused on the brochures. We brought in experts of cyphertext, encryption, and even dead languages to see if they offered any useful information. They never were able to. In fact, everytime we thought they were getting close they would simply fall asleep out of sheer boredom. We didn't know what to do!", explained Detective Harris.

  The breakthrough came when renowned FBI profiler John Douglas came in to review the case. Despite all his experience, he was particularly disturbed by the diseased mind of this cold-blooded killer. The profile he produced is as follows:

  1. Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them

  2. Authoritarian

  3. Secretive

  4. Paranoid

  5. Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired

  6. Conventional appearance

  7. Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)

  8. Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life

  9. Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)

  10. Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim

  11. Incapable of real human attachment to another

  12. Unable to feel remorse or guilt

  13. Extreme narcissism and grandiose sense of purpose

  He continued, "This is basically a person with no hope in this life. They don't have any retirement, and most likely hold a menial job. They wear cheap suits, and unpolished soft-soled dress shoes. This person most likely drives a four-door vehicle." Strangely he was unable to determine the gender of this diabolical criminal. He even opened the frightening prospect that this individual might not be working alone. An unnamed source said that there is even evidence that they are bringing their children with them to commit these crimes.

  He then went on to recommend a set of forensic tests. These proved to be key. What they revealed was a set of chemicals released in the brain that indicate a torturous level of boredom. Tests on the lungs showed toxic levels of chemicals related to extreme halitosis. These effects combine to produce an extremely slow, painful death, and the emaciated, haunting corpses police have been finding at doorsteps all across town. "I have seen 2000 year old mummies in better shape" explained Detective Harris when he described the horrifying crime scenes.

  "So what we have here is some sort of psychopath of the most despicable form, who is going around to the most vulnerable among us. The victims are people who are looking for answers, or maybe just need someone to talk to. Then this heinous killer preys on them. They subject them to a slow, agonizing, and gruesome death that simply cannot be imagined. They literally suck the life out of them" explained John Douglas. "Now that we have a better idea of what we are looking for, we have some hope of catching this killer before they strike again."

  "Until then I recommend that if someone you don't know comes to your door unannounced, dressed in a cheap suit, carrying a bag full of brochures, that you do not open that door under any circumstance! Your very life may be at stake!"
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  26

  Fuzzy Right-of-Way Rules Leads to Pathetic, Awkward, Theocratic Dork Fight

  by Check_Your_Premises in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  apupi - idaho.

  "there were watchtowers and osmond cd's strewn around everywhere" recalled the shaken resident marjorie spade, whose yard was the setting for a lame, sissy fight.

  "i couldn't believe that in this day and age we still are fighting religious wars", she said in the aftermath of the flailing, ineffectual fracas.. apparantly the outbreak of faith-based nerd violence took place when two groups of youths approached eachother while out in their respective ministries.

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  Check_Your_Premises

  Sometimes if you don't keep a sense of humor about the dubs you will end up joining them in the funny farm.

  "If we couldn't laugh we would go insane"
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  26

  Fuzzy Right-of-Way Rules Leads to Pathetic, Awkward, Theocratic Dork Fight

  by Check_Your_Premises in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  apupi - idaho.

  "there were watchtowers and osmond cd's strewn around everywhere" recalled the shaken resident marjorie spade, whose yard was the setting for a lame, sissy fight.

  "i couldn't believe that in this day and age we still are fighting religious wars", she said in the aftermath of the flailing, ineffectual fracas.. apparantly the outbreak of faith-based nerd violence took place when two groups of youths approached eachother while out in their respective ministries.

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  Check_Your_Premises

  And unfortunately, this was true!!

  Really? I don't know that much about the mormons, just stuff I have run across in my unfortunate need to learn all about cults. It just popped into my head and somehow I had a feeling it was probably true.

  If I was a creepy old bastard, I would join the mormons. How else would you get a 20yr old wife!

  Sorry about the mental image when you had the little mormons at your door. You know that as soon as something funny gets in your head, it will come up at some inoportune time.

  CYP
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  26

  Fuzzy Right-of-Way Rules Leads to Pathetic, Awkward, Theocratic Dork Fight

  by Check_Your_Premises in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  apupi - idaho.

  "there were watchtowers and osmond cd's strewn around everywhere" recalled the shaken resident marjorie spade, whose yard was the setting for a lame, sissy fight.

  "i couldn't believe that in this day and age we still are fighting religious wars", she said in the aftermath of the flailing, ineffectual fracas.. apparantly the outbreak of faith-based nerd violence took place when two groups of youths approached eachother while out in their respective ministries.

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  Check_Your_Premises

  Bebu,

  I was proud of that line, but my favorite was "and that Brigham Young wasn't his name but how he instructed his followers to bring him prospective wives".

  People at work were wondering why I was giggling for a few minutes after typing that one.

  CYP
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  26

  Fuzzy Right-of-Way Rules Leads to Pathetic, Awkward, Theocratic Dork Fight

  by Check_Your_Premises in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  apupi - idaho.

  "there were watchtowers and osmond cd's strewn around everywhere" recalled the shaken resident marjorie spade, whose yard was the setting for a lame, sissy fight.

  "i couldn't believe that in this day and age we still are fighting religious wars", she said in the aftermath of the flailing, ineffectual fracas.. apparantly the outbreak of faith-based nerd violence took place when two groups of youths approached eachother while out in their respective ministries.

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  Check_Your_Premises

  This one came across the news wires pretty late last night so I will give it a bump for the morning readers.

  CYP
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  26

  Fuzzy Right-of-Way Rules Leads to Pathetic, Awkward, Theocratic Dork Fight

  by Check_Your_Premises in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  apupi - idaho.

  "there were watchtowers and osmond cd's strewn around everywhere" recalled the shaken resident marjorie spade, whose yard was the setting for a lame, sissy fight.

  "i couldn't believe that in this day and age we still are fighting religious wars", she said in the aftermath of the flailing, ineffectual fracas.. apparantly the outbreak of faith-based nerd violence took place when two groups of youths approached eachother while out in their respective ministries.

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  Check_Your_Premises

  APUPI - Idaho

  "There were Watchtowers and Osmond cd's strewn around everywhere" recalled the shaken resident Marjorie Spade, whose yard was the setting for a lame, sissy fight. "I couldn't believe that in this day and age we still are fighting religious wars", she said in the aftermath of the flailing, ineffectual fracas.

  Apparantly the outbreak of faith-based nerd violence took place when two groups of youths approached eachother while out in their respective ministries. "We saw these young ones riding toward us on bikes with neck ties and book bags", recalled the pimply Jerome Triesnottowackoff. "We knew right away they were Morm-ons" he continued, emphasizing the final "o" in Mormon with the short vowel pronunciation. "We know we have the truth, so there was no way we were going to step aside, they were the ones who were going to have to move out of the way", his voice cracking in pubescent fury.

  "They started saying all sorts of stuff about Joseph Smith being a nut, and that Brigham Young wasn't his name but how he instructed his followers to bring him prospective wives.", recalled Jebediah Hosannah, one of the shaken Mormon combatants. "We started saying how the Osmonds were way better than the Jackson 5" he continued. That is when the exchange boiled over over into an an awkward attempt at exchanging of blows, according to witnesses.

  Nobody was sure who tried to throw the first sissy slap, but "Back packs and cheap faux leather bags were just flying everywhere.", explained lJerry Jasper, a local eyewitness of the harrowing scene.

  According to witnesses, that is when the things turned grisly. After no blows were landed, one of the youthful holy warriors ran awkwardly into a mail box as he retreated in terror. His necktie snagged throwing him violently to the ground where he recieved a slight abrasion that almost broke the skin.

  "I think we really represented Jehovah" said youthful fighter Harold AfraidImgay. "Those guys will know to stay off our turf". Mormon gladiator, Ezekiel Israel, was just as defiant, "Those guys know they better watch it if we see them again".

  "It seems this troubled area will have no hope for peace. An outbreak of bloodless, dorky attempts at violence can happen anytime", said Marjorie Spade in reference to the uncoordinated, geeky girlyfight. She sadly concluded, "We may never see peace in our time".
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  54

  Vegetables on Front Porch Cause Uproar of Scandal and Intrigue for Local KH

  by Check_Your_Premises in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  apupi - illinois.

  local jw, susan estrogen, recalls her horror when she first saw the large, orange vegetables on the porch.

  "there i was between breaks while out on field service when i saw it!

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  Check_Your_Premises

  Sisters Valiumhag and Xanax nodded their heads in somber agreement.

  AA,

  Actually this was my favorite line... I think the dastardly, decorative foodstuffs was second.

  CYP