Posts by Check_Your

My wife is joining. She feels that the choice is between nothing and God, and that the only way to have a relationship with God is through these people. I have accepted that.

For me now the issue is the children. Many have said do not openly or directly oppose, since that will cause problems. But I also don't feel I can let the children be indoctinated into this. I don't mind the information they present, it is all of the mind control techniques that I object to.

So I have resolved that I need to exert my headship, and they assured me I have nothing to fear. "Nobody is going to tell you what you can teach in your own home!" is what they told me. I want to test their sincerity and the sincerity of my wife. So I need to establish some boundaries and make it clear to my wife, my children and the org that I am in charge in my home.

I want the kids to understand that I don't necessarily believe they are right, and this is the only way. Since I don't believe that, my spiritual instruction will include that. I have also realized that if I don't believe this is the right way to have a relationship with God, I have to find and show an alternative. So here is what I proposed to my wife and she has grudgingly accepted.

1. Every other Sunday the kids will go to church with me somewhere else. Other Sundays we will all attend the KH. This will go on for a little while, say about six months since KH visits are not compulsory. After that, any attendance at other churches would be voluntary. Any other meeting attendance by my children is completely optional. We will discuss it with them and make it very plain that there is no pressure on them to go to to one or the other, and if anyone does give them pressure, tell me.

2. For the time being, nobody talks to the children about religion outside of the presence of both myself and my wife. Basically I dont want them trying a bunch of sneaky crap behind my back.

3. Lots of family time. I want to keep our relationship outside of spiritual matters as strong as possible.

I just want our home to be a place where there is a free exchange of ideas. I want them to be aware that not everyone in their life agrees that the jws are the only way to have a relationship with God. I want them to feel free to make up there own minds when the time comes. I also am not directly an opposer. I still want to study and learn more about them. The truth is I cannot pick up a bible and explain why they are wrong. Any jackass can criticize. To be taken seriously you have to be able to state your case, and offer alternatives. I must be able to provide alternatives.

Please give me any feedback you can here. What am I missing, what am I doing wrong? As ithinkisee's dad said, "They have seen 1000 guys like me before, they had me sliced and diced before I even knew what hit me." But you guys have them sliced and diced. Thanks so much for all you do. You help us get honest insight into the jw world.

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My wife is joining, how do I keep her from leaving me?

by Check_Your_Premises in

my wife is getting baptized on the 19th.

there is nothing i can do or say to stop it.

we have 3 children, and i am from a broken home, so i can't imagine divorcing.

Check_Your_Premises

What if I find another church, and tell the kids I want them to go with me. Doesn't the literature support this?

They are 12, 9, and 2. They have been listening to this garbage for awhile now. The 12 yr old girl is pretty into it, she goes to all the meetings at her own choosing. The 9 yr old boy goes to the weekly meetings every once in awhile, but he really could care less. My 2 year old, I would be happy if she never set foot in a KH ever again!

45

My wife is joining, how do I keep her from leaving me?

by Check_Your_Premises in

my wife is getting baptized on the 19th.

there is nothing i can do or say to stop it.

we have 3 children, and i am from a broken home, so i can't imagine divorcing.

Check_Your_Premises

I just don't see how I can sit by and just let my kids get brainwashed into this garbage. Cant I at least not allow them to attend the meetings!?

45

My wife is joining, how do I keep her from leaving me?

by Check_Your_Premises in

my wife is getting baptized on the 19th.

there is nothing i can do or say to stop it.

we have 3 children, and i am from a broken home, so i can't imagine divorcing.

Check_Your_Premises

I have often heard that one of the best ways for people to see the truth about the org is to have a bad experience. Any ideas on how I could facilitate such an experience?

45

My wife is joining, how do I keep her from leaving me?

by Check_Your_Premises in

my wife is getting baptized on the 19th.

there is nothing i can do or say to stop it.

we have 3 children, and i am from a broken home, so i can't imagine divorcing.

Check_Your_Premises

Crumpet,

I am eternally grateful for all the thoughts and prayers of everyone on this site. I am sorry they made you feel that way, but that in itself is knowledge and experience that I am finding invaluable.

The written word has allowed us to pass on what we learn, and to stand on the shoulders of giants. Compared to all of you who know so much more than I do about what I am in store for, I feel like the little helpless child.

Thanks for everything.

MDP

45

My wife is joining, how do I keep her from leaving me?

by Check_Your_Premises in

my wife is getting baptized on the 19th.

there is nothing i can do or say to stop it.

we have 3 children, and i am from a broken home, so i can't imagine divorcing.

Check_Your_Premises

Some more background info:

She started studying about 3 years ago. Initially we went through the knowledge book together. She came to me and asked if it was ok if we did some of the things, like no holidays, blah blah blah. We married shortly before she started studying, and she had two children, who I am planning to adopt. Since then we have had a daughter.

My children are a 12yr old girl, a 9 yr old boy, and a 2 yr old daughter. About a year ago I decided that if the kids didn't want to go, they didn't have to. I have never attended all the meetings, because I wanted to keep my head clear from all believing things just because everyone around me believed them. I figured if I didn't want to subject myself to that, why should the kids be subject to it.

About 6 or 7 months ago, I bought COC, because I figured it was a good time to get the other side of the story. At first it was a very boring and dry read to me. I think it really means alot more to a long practicing JW to shatter all the myths about the GB. I quit reading it for awhile.

To make a long story short, one day I finally made up my mind that I believed in God. The very next meeting was like a shock to me. I finally had a dog in the fight. I was frankly offended that they would claim such a high honor for themselves with literally no evidence to support it, a questionable interpretation of the scriptures.

Then I picked up CoC again and got to the chapters on all the time prophecies, and became aware of the awful history of their presumptuous asininity. That finally got to the question I was really after, is this God's chosen organization? That lead me to Don Camerons book, "Captives of a Concept". I guess that book and my subsequent discussions with him made up my mind.

How could it be true.

Unfortunately this is all about 2 months before my wife gets dunked.

I am supposed to look out for my family. I was naive, and my postmodern tendency to be open minded got the better of me. Grandpa would have gotten out the shot-gun the first time they showed up. I will look to God, but I must accept the consequences of my carelessness. I can only hope the cost is not to high.

One thing I have learned is that there is a whole world of pain and misery, and there is no reason to think I should be spared any of it.

45

My wife is joining, how do I keep her from leaving me?

by Check_Your_Premises in

my wife is getting baptized on the 19th.

there is nothing i can do or say to stop it.

we have 3 children, and i am from a broken home, so i can't imagine divorcing.

Check_Your_Premises

What is clear to me from my discussions with my wife, is that the any fact or history about the org is irrelevant. She belongs because of how it makes her feel, and the structure and control it gives her over herself and her life. To her there is no relationship with God outside the org. It is the org or she is a speck alone on a rock hurtling through an empty meaningless universe.

Maybe I should have been more authoritarian. Maybe I should have had all sorts of rules. Maybe I should have acted like I had all the answers. Even though no man does, it is often very comforting to people to when someone does claim such things. They dream it could possibly be true.

45

My wife is joining, how do I keep her from leaving me?

by Check_Your_Premises in

my wife is getting baptized on the 19th.

there is nothing i can do or say to stop it.

we have 3 children, and i am from a broken home, so i can't imagine divorcing.

Check_Your_Premises

I told her this morning before I left for work that I was sorry I lost my temper. I told her I was afraid to speak because I was afraid my temper would again get the best of me. But I did want her to understand why I was so upset. I think I have found a good description of what this is for a non-jw husband to have his wife join. I thought I would share it with you, in the hopes that it helps others in my situation understand their pain.

"I feel like you are leaving me to marry another man. I didn't have all the answers for you, and I never pretended I did. I know I don't so I never could pretend such a thing. I guess that is what you wanted, a man with all the answers. Sometimes it is best to act like you have all the answers because it makes everyone feel better that someone knows what is going on. So I think you feel you have found that. Well they don't have all the answers, they just say they do. No man does. Someday you will find out that they don't. "

"So will someone be giving you away?"

45

My wife is joining, how do I keep her from leaving me?

by Check_Your_Premises in

my wife is getting baptized on the 19th.

there is nothing i can do or say to stop it.

we have 3 children, and i am from a broken home, so i can't imagine divorcing.

Check_Your_Premises

My wife is getting baptized on the 19th. There is nothing I can do or say to stop it. We have 3 children, and I am from a broken home, so I can't imagine divorcing. However I am going to want to raise the kids the way I want.

I understand she can't divorce me unless I commit adultery. She can leave me for "extreme spiritual endangerment". I don't want to give her any reason to do that. So what I want to do is

A. Decide what things I want to do re: myself and the children ie do I want to talk to them about my problems with the org, do I want to celebrate birthdays, do I want the children to stop going to the meetings, do I want them to go to another church with me.

B. And present them to the elders so I can get there OK that none of the things I decide constitute extreme spiritual endangerment. And I want them to sign it.

Any help with A or B would be appreciated.

Check_Your_Premises

Posts by Check_Your_Premises