How to deal with the loss?
Well, there isn't anything you can do to make the pain go away. It is just part of your life now.
I remember during my experience that I kept trying to move forward through every step. I somehow had this idea, that I could get past this and return to normal. It was very helpful at the time. I kept myself very busy taking care of all the various tasks. I wrote his eulogy. I read books on how my family was grieving. I went around to all the places my wife went in her daily routines to let people know not to ask my wife "how's the baby?". Then once everything was done, and everyone went home, I was there alone with my wife. I realized that this was simply how I was going to feel the rest of my life. It would numb some times. Kind of like when you have a sprain. You forget about it until you move the wrong way, and then it jumps up and bites you harder than you ever thought it could.
I think of my grief as this dirty old bastard that I can't stand, but somehow I have gotten used to having him around. I forget about him often, but he is always there. It would probably feel wrong if he left me now. I guess it would be. Because that would mean I don't miss my son anymore.