BugEye

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Posts by BugEye

• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  Blamestorming:

  Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  Seagull Manager:

  A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits on everything and then leaves.
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.

  "Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later .." And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.

  The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."

  Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me???!!!"
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  While swimming in the nude at a deserted California beach, the young man sustained a painful sunburn over his entire body; and later that night, while in bed with his date, he found the agony almost unbearable. Stepping into the kitchen, he poured a tall glass of cold milk and submerged the object of his greatest discomfort.

  "My Goodness!" the girl gasped, watching him from the doorway. I've always wondered how men load that thing!"
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  As a result of an internal investigation, one of the Duty Officer's stunning, blonde staffers was transferred to an obscure base in Utah.

  The woman reported to her new Commanding Officer and handed him her orders. He glanced at them and said, "Well Private, your duties here will be pretty much the same as your last assignment."

  The girl sighed and said, "Yes Sir. I kind-of figured that. Will it be OK if I drape my uniform over this chair?"
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.

  The children fell to discussing the dog's duties.

  "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

  "No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

  A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  A Teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"

  His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll show you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. hen go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you've learned." The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what hisfather means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?" His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell your father, but, yes, I would."

  Then he goes to his sisters room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" His sister looks up and says, "Omigod! Definitely!"

  The kid goes back to his father and says, "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we're living with a couple of whores."
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

  Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors.

  He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror.

  Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  YOU JUST MIGHT BE A TEACHER IF ...

  You believe the teacher's lounge should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.

  You want to slap the next person who says, "It must be nice to work from 8 to 3 and have the summer off."

  You believe chocolate is a food group.

  You can tell it's a full moon without looking outside.

  You believe "shallow gene pool" should have its own box on the report card.

  When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you don't know and correct their behavior.

  You think people should get government permits before they can reproduce.

  You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.

  You can't have children because there is no name you can think of that doesn't give you high blood pressure.

  You think caffeine should be given intravenously.
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  My girlfriend told me I have a body of a god....

  ....Then I found out she is a Buddhist.