BugEye

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Posts by BugEye

• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  Q: How many blonde jokes are there?

  A: One. The rest are all true stories.
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
  A: An ironing board's legs are harder to get open.
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

  After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

  The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

  Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of your room?"; the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  Harry goes up to a whore and says, "How much for a blow job?" She says, "A hundred bucks."
  He tries to talk her down, but she won't budge, so he agrees to pay the hundred. Then he starts to jack off.
  She says, "What are you doing that for?" He says, "For a hundred bucks, do you think I'm gonna give you the easy one?"
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  A girl was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes and the girl was among the group. The police had all the prostitutes line up.

  The girl's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter. Not willing to let her know the truth, the girl told her grandmother that some people were passing out free oranges and she was lining up for some.

  Grandma wanted oranges too, so she went to the back of the line. A policeman was going down the line asking for information from the prostitutes. When he got to grandma, he was bewildered and asked, "You are so old, how do you do it?"

  "Oh, it's easy. I just take my dentures out and suck them dry."
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:

  WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

  WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

  WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

  WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

  WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

  WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

  WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

  WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

  WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.

  WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

  WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

  WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an disruption in the space-time continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to "disappear."

  WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the madame, "Is this a union house?"

  "No, I'm sorry, it isn't," said the madame. "Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" he asked. "The house gets $80 and the girl gets $20." Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable shop. At the second one, he asked the madame, "Is this a union house?"

  "No, I'm sorry, it isn't," said the madame. "If I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" he asked again. "The house gets $80 and the girl gets $20." Again offended, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable shop. His search continued until he finally reached a brothel where the madame said, "Why yes, this is a union house."

  "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" he questioned. "The girls get $80 and the house gets $20." "That's more like it!" the man said. He looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive redhead. "I'd like her for the night."

  "I'm sure you would, sir", said the madame while gesturing to a grotesque woman in her seventies in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority."
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  Can you guess what I am?
  I am about six inches long. I have a bush at one end, and when rubbed hard I produce a white frothy substance. I move back and forth and in and out.

  Answer: I'm a toothbrush
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye.

  Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."

  About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

  John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

  So, he sat down and wrote, "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But, the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

  Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But, the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

  Love, Mom.

  Lesson of the day: Don't lie to your mother.