Posts by BugEye

305

Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

by Seven in

happy monday!.

had no price tag.

much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.

BugEye

A Shit in the Ocean

THE GHOST POOPIE
The kind where you feel poopie come out, see poopie on the toilet paper, but there's no poopie in the bowl.

THE CLEAN POOPIE
The kind where you feel poopie come out, see poopie in the bowl, but there's no poopie on the toilet paper.

THE WET POOPIE
You wipe you butt fifty times, and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your butt and your underware so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

THE SECOND WAVE POOPIE
This poopie happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to poopie some more.

THE BRAIN HEMORRHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE POOPIE
Also known as "Pop a Vein in your Forehead Poopie". You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

THE CORN POOPIE
No explanation necessary.

25

File lawsuit or not?

by TR in

jw
friends

when i moved my family after leaving the jehoagies schmitnesses, i changed my phone number, and made sure it was unlisted.

little did i know that i would soon be receiving a call out of the blue from a jw.. now, this was a woman that i had worked with at one time and we were pretty good friends, so a few years later, when she called, i was kind of glad to hear from her.

the problem was, how did she get my phone number.

BugEye

Hey TR

Have to go along with larc on this one. The letter would relate the seriousness and
would also likely prevent any others from following suit.

You may try and go the lawsuit way, and she is likely to lose her job either way. But it
could well be expensive and as Marilyn says, they would only take it as evidence that
satan and his followers are persecuting true christians.

dave

30

Field Service, Anyone?

by Farkel in

jw
friends

the human brain is a non-stop chattering machine.

it is constantly evaluating, making decisions and judgments.

there is not a human being alive that isn't an abject hypocrite nearly every day.

BugEye

What can I say,

Truly a classical piece of literature you produced there Farkel.
Stunning in accuracy and wit. Carefully guiding the minds of your
readers past the panic and terror stage so that the blow is softened.

I too pioneered and it is amazing how many "publishers" thought that
just because I was proficient and experienced, that I somehow never
felt the panic or detested the first door.

BTW, I have managed to stay successfully at a vacant door for up to
30 minutes by discussing "private" matters. (works especially well if
you work with an elder and know something about the goings on in a
congo)

The last call works even better if it is from another "territory" and
it takes a long time to get there. In a car group, group time is
counted so that only one or two actually need a call to extend the
clock significantly. (Daves Rule)

Farkel, you are a god. (notice the small g in agreement with the
bible)

Dave

25

Funnies!

by nicolaou in

jw
friends

seems like so many of us have a good joke or funny story to tell.

i thought it might be a good idea to have somewhere to put them.. nic'.

junior's room.

BugEye

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man
in a three-piece suit.

"This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one.

"No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.

And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence.

"Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half."

"Sounds good to me," said the first lady.

But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him."

The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The attorney must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed.

"But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court.

"Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."

25

Funnies!

by nicolaou in

jw
friends

seems like so many of us have a good joke or funny story to tell.

i thought it might be a good idea to have somewhere to put them.. nic'.

junior's room.

BugEye

Billy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.

So, Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course, the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to be quick.

Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can't find it," he admitted.

The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.

Well five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, "I can't find it."

Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.

So, Tommy and Billy go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks Tommy, "Well, did you find it?"

Tommy is quick with his reply, "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."

25

Funnies!

by nicolaou in

jw
friends

seems like so many of us have a good joke or funny story to tell.

i thought it might be a good idea to have somewhere to put them.. nic'.

junior's room.

BugEye

"Mr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week."

"That's very fair, your honour," the husband said. "And just to show there's no hard feelings - every now and then I'll try to send a few bucks myself."

25

Funnies!

by nicolaou in

jw
friends

seems like so many of us have a good joke or funny story to tell.

i thought it might be a good idea to have somewhere to put them.. nic'.

junior's room.

BugEye

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.

The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?"

The father responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't now what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a
beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out.

The father said to his son, "Go get your Mother."

25

Funnies!

by nicolaou in

jw
friends

seems like so many of us have a good joke or funny story to tell.

i thought it might be a good idea to have somewhere to put them.. nic'.

junior's room.

BugEye

The teacher asked Mary "What sound does a cat make?"

Mary said "A cat says meow, meow."

Then the teacher asked Billy "What sound does a cow make?"

Billy said "A cow goes mooo, mooo."

Then the teacher asks Johnny, "What sound does a pig make?"

Johnny says "A pig says, 'Freeze, get your hands up against the wall!'"

25

Funnies!

by nicolaou in

jw
friends

seems like so many of us have a good joke or funny story to tell.

i thought it might be a good idea to have somewhere to put them.. nic'.

junior's room.

BugEye

The eight-year old boy had never spoken a word-ever. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, "Soup's cold."

His astonished mother exclaimed, "Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?"

The boy looked at her and replied, "Up until now, everything's been okay."

25

Funnies!

by nicolaou in

jw
friends

seems like so many of us have a good joke or funny story to tell.

i thought it might be a good idea to have somewhere to put them.. nic'.

junior's room.

BugEye

There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve this perfect couple was driving a perfect car (a Lamborghini) along a winding road when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.Only one of them survived the accident.

Who was the survivor?

The perfect woman.

She's the only one that really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

* A Male's Response *

So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident