A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said, "Darling, its my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She would like something electric."
The husband replied, "How about a chair?!?"
BugEye
JoinedPosts by BugEye
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139
Just a few more
by BugEye injoey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".
the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.
i have the same problem with his father.
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10
just GO
by teejay inthis isn't meant for rr (hell, he's probably left.
the building anyway) but i've been wondering about.
something for a while and now's as good a time as any.... if people wish to quit visiting and or contributing .
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BugEye
Can give one a sense of victory to say "Its my bat and my ball and I'm
going home now. So there!!!"Its one of lifes "little" pleasures.
Also, in many instances even in small things, people require closure.
This is not the case in New York where people dont even say goodbye
when they hang up the phone, but it does apply to many others.Which reminds me.
There was an Moscovite, a Sydneyite and a New Yorkian having dinner
in a resturant.The waiter approaches them and says "Excuse me, but in considering
tonights menu, please be aware that we have a shortage of steak."To which the Muskovite says "Whats a Steak?"
The Sydneyite says "Whats a shortage?"
and the New Yorkian responds "Whats 'Excuse me'?"
Dave
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139
Just a few more
by BugEye injoey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".
the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.
i have the same problem with his father.
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BugEye
Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.
Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him.
"No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them."
Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents.
His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.
A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of Vaseline.
Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE ยค?=!# DISHES!!"
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139
Just a few more
by BugEye injoey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".
the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.
i have the same problem with his father.
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BugEye
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
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139
Just a few more
by BugEye injoey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".
the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.
i have the same problem with his father.
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BugEye
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment.
Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. Used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."
The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans. After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.
"This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus.
A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. "Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"
"A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"
And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.
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139
Just a few more
by BugEye injoey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".
the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.
i have the same problem with his father.
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BugEye
There once was this little bread shop not to far from the school. Working behind the counter every day after school was a very voluptuous, beautiful,long legged blonde girl. She always wore very short skirts and no panties underneath.
One day a boy stopped in after school to get some raisin bread for his mother on the way home from school. The raisin bread was kept on the top shelf behind the counter so the girl had to climb a ladder to get to it. When the young boy looked up, he was so amazed and thrilled at the sight, he had to tell all of his friends at school.
From then on, everyday after school, all of the boys would stop in and get one loaf of raisin bread at a time, day after day after day. It got to be so regular, that the girl just stayed on the ladder until she was sure that all of the boys had gotten their bread.
School was canceled one day so the boys didn't stop by for their bread. Not knowing there was no school, the girl was already at the top of her ladder waiting the arrival of the young boys to buy their raisin bread.
Into the store came an elderly man who looked up and noticed the girl on the ladder with no panties underneath. Without looking down, the girl says,"I know, it's raisin right?" To which the man replied, "No, but it sure is a twitchin".
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139
Just a few more
by BugEye injoey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".
the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.
i have the same problem with his father.
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BugEye
Two Italian nuns are riding their rickety old bikes down the back streets of Rome one late afternoon. As it turns dusk, the increasing darkness starts making one of the nuns a little nervous.
She leans over to the other and says, "You know, I've never come this way before."
The other nun replies, "It's the cobblestones."
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139
Just a few more
by BugEye injoey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".
the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.
i have the same problem with his father.
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BugEye
An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a prominent medical school.
"Tell me," inquired the interviewer, "where do you expect to be five years from now?"
"Well, let's see," replied the student. "It's Wednesday afternoon. I guess I'll be on the golf course by now."
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139
Just a few more
by BugEye injoey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".
the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.
i have the same problem with his father.
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BugEye
Clinton Virus:
Gives you a 7" hard drive with no memory. -
139
Just a few more
by BugEye injoey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".
the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.
i have the same problem with his father.
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BugEye
Viagra Virus:
Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.