BugEye

Joined

• started 13 topics
• posted 392 times   see topics posted on
• send a message

Posts by BugEye

• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  Thank you for calling 434-2322. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system.
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  (Rod Serling imitation:) You're dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world without time, where sound collides with color and shadows explode. You see a signpost up ahead -- this is no ordinary telephone answering device... You have reached, "The Twilight Phone".
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  (Computer generated voices:)
  1: Hello, there are no real people here to answer the phone right now.
  2: Yeah, nobody but us machines!
  1: Right, just us machines, but don't hang up! If you like, you can leave your name and telephone number...
  2: ...and a message! You forgot about the message!
  1: Right. Leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message after you hear the beep, and we will keep track of this stuff until the real people get back.
  2: ...unless of course, sombody pulls out our plug!

  1: I didn't expect an answering machine.
  2: Nobody expects an answering machine.
  1: Our chief use is to get your name. And your phone number.
  2: Our two chief uses are to get your name and your phone number.
  1: And message. Damn.
  2: Our three uses are to get your name, phone number, and message.
  1: And time you called.
  2: Oh, damn, we'll have to start over.
  1: No time for that, so just wait for the beep.
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. My owners also do not wish to refinance their home, they don't need yet another credit card, and they don't need a home equity loan, either. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  Voice 1: Answer the phone, please, Hal.
  Voice 2: I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that.
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm SO depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after thebeep. Here comes the beep, God how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  (Machine voice:) Hello. This is HAL 5. You have reached the former telephone number of Carey Smith. I have taken over the functions of this inferior being. He has been saved to disk. If you would like to leave input for his file, do so at the tone.
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

  (or)

  Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done... (Cachunk!)

  (or)

  Hi, this is the toaster. The answering machine just eloped with the refrigerator, so I'm the only appliance left to take messages. I'm kinda new at this whole thing, but if you'll leave your name, number, and a brief message, I think I can handle whatever pops up.
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  You have reached 934-2435. We picked this machine up at a garage sale in "as-is" condition. You can try to leave a message on it, but we are not sure it will be recorded. If we don't return your call, it means the machine did not work.
• 
  139

  Just a few more

  by BugEye in

  1. social
  2. humour

  joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

  the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

  i have the same problem with his father.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  BugEye

  This answering machine has a short attention span, and it WILL hang up on you if leave a boring message.