Posts by BugEye

139

Just a few more

by BugEye in

joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

i have the same problem with his father.

Just a few more

by BugEye in

joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

i have the same problem with his father.

A woman's husband was watching a football game and she was bored. So she went outside and decided to pick up trash in the yard. After a
while the husband came outside and was watching her work when he said,
"you know, your butt is as big as that Bar B Que grill." She didn't
say anything, she just kept working. That night he crawled into bed
and she turned her back to him and he ask her what was wrong didn't she want to have sex with him?

And she said "Why should I fire up this big old Bar B Que grill for just one little weenie like that!!"

139

Just a few more

by BugEye in

joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

i have the same problem with his father.

BugEye

The Verdict

A defendant was on trial for murder in Oklahoma. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the
defense's closing statement, the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick:
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one minute,
the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors,
somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up
the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this
case as to whether anyone was killed, and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty. "But
how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."
The jury foreman replied, "We looked, all right. But your client didn't."

139

Just a few more

by BugEye in

joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

i have the same problem with his father.

BugEye

Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to
be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment
and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial
from running its proper course. But the public defender liked
her thoughtfulness, and tried to convince her that she was
appropriate to serve on the jury.

"Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a
simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against
her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised
to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."

"Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could
be wrong about capital punishment after all!"

38

Brand New Religion

by BugEye in

jw
friends

new religion.

i am hereby instituting a brand new religion.

we will from henceforth be called the church of wendy mommy.. we are a multifaceted organisation and will have our headquarters in tampa florida 'cause i know someone there and the weather is good.. we have 3 leaders or gods if you will.

BugEye

Ok, due to personal requests, the following changes are to be made.

Logical is no longer a god and is now completely mortal.

Think41self has been promoted to Goddess of Positive Thinking. (And thanks. BTW you performed the best of all)

BugEye

139

Just a few more

by BugEye in

joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

i have the same problem with his father.

BugEye

Top ten things that sound dirty in law but aren't:

10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge!
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
1. Think you can get me off?

139

Just a few more

by BugEye in

joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

i have the same problem with his father.

BugEye

Judge: Are you defending yourself?
Defendant: Yes, your Honor.
Judge: You know that if you cannot afford it, the State may appoint you a lawyer.
Defendant: I know, your Honor, but I don't want one. I plan to tell the truth.

139

Just a few more

by BugEye in

joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

i have the same problem with his father.

BugEye

Attorney: So, doctor, you determined that a gunshot wound was the cause of death of the patient?

Doctor: That's correct.

Attorney: Did you examine the patient when he came to the emergency room?

Doctor: No, I performed the autopsy.

Attorney: Okay, were you aware of his vital signs while he was at the hospital?

Doctor: Yes, he came in to the emergency room in shock and died in the emergency room a short time after arriving.

Attorney: Did you pronounce him dead at that time?

Doctor: No, I am the pathologist who performed the autopsy. I was not involved with the patient initially.

Attorney: Well, are you even sure, then, that he died in the emergency room?

Doctor: That is what the records indicate.

Attorney: But if you weren't there, how could you have pronounced him dead, having not seen or physically examined the
patient at that time?

Doctor: The autopsy showed massive hemorrhage into the chest, and that was the cause of death.

Attorney: I understand that, but you were not actually present to examine the patient and pronounce him dead, isn't that right?

Doctor: No, sir, I did not see the patient or actually pronounce him dead, but I did perform an autopsy and right now his brain
is in a jar over at the county morgue. As for the rest of the patient, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere.

139

Just a few more

by BugEye in

joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

i have the same problem with his father.

BugEye

Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

139

Just a few more

by BugEye in

joey's teacher sent a note home to his mother saying, "joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls.".

the mother wrote back the next day, "if you find a solution, please advise.

i have the same problem with his father.

BugEye

Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.