thank you for all of your comments....its really nice to know that this way of dealing with abuse isn't just unique to me. I should clarify though that it wasn't MY brother who molested me....it was a brother in the congregation. Although my own brother was one of his victims, and who knows how many other children were hurt by him.
I have tried to shove these thoughts out of my mind and I haven't really considered prosecuting him until now. My mother holds a lot of guilt now for allowing things to go the way they did. She was brainwashed by these people. They found her during her darkest times and made her feel like they cared for her. It's been years since she herself stopped attending meetings but she is still deeply commited to "Jehovah's ways".
I hope that I will be able to find this man and prosecute him.
By the way....i should start here and now. This man's name is Tony Padilla. The last I knew, he was a member of the Glen Cove Congregation in Vallejo, CA. If anyone knows this man, I want you to know his dark past and maybe even his present and future. He is sick. He seduces children with candy, toys, and money. I came from a dirt poor family and he took us in and took us out to eat, gave us snickers candy bars, bought us movies, etc. He made me feel like I owed him somthing and he knew that...i feel like that was the goal. He would smile at me, hug me, tell me how cute i was....he made me feel like the luckiest kid to have this nice rich guy like me so much. Then he molested me...several times...during naptime, in the back of his truck on the way to disneyland, while i took a bath, etc. I couldn't tell anyone because if I did, he would be mad, my mom would be mad, the church would be mad. This man will trap your child and feed these emotions into him or her.
He got no punishment at all. He was disfellowshiped for a short amount of time and then reinstated. I never got counceling, never got an encouraging word from the elders, never a hug, never said they were sorry for what happened to me. I hate them for that.
There are so many other things that happened in my childhood that has an affect on me still that I blame on JW's. I know how they can brainwash their believers...I was once totally dedicated to being a JW. I went to bible study, I listened, I underlined, I participated. I went to service every Saturday morning. I was faithful to them for most of my life and I have gotten nothing in return from them. The women would talk about my mom behind her back all the time. They would'nt let their kids hang out with me becuase my mom was a single mom and that meant that I must be a bad influence. They weren't there when we really needed them.
I am angry and I am happy that I have finally found somewhere that I can share my feelings. Thank you guys for that.