Zodiac--I sympathize with you, more than you know. You sound a lot like me, although, I made the biggest mistake I could've possibly ever made, I came so close to converting all for love, I was stupid, still am, still love him. When I see him, still my heart jumps.
But I broke it off with him, hoping to detoxic myself from all my feelings for him and all the crap the WT put me through. Having a very hard time escaping from both--believe me--I still feel doomed.
Hey, if you need to vent, email me.
Lara