Hey Seven...I'm great(thanks for asking)! I hope everything is well with you I'm getting the hang of "mostly lurker mode"...it seems to be the best way to manage my time...those speed reading courses come in handy(a fast browser doesn't hurt either). It's good to see the cafe's been busy lately(diverse too) Well, gotta run...take care Seven!
Posts by Caole
-
305Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread
by Seven inhappy monday!.
had no price tag.
much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.
-
-
-
305
Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread
by Seven inhappy monday!.
had no price tag.
much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.
-
-
Caole
Hey...good to see a couple of cafe regulars hanging out here Cowboy...I'm still swingin' past that balance Seven...You're a coffee drinker, right? You should appreciate this one
You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When...
You answer the door before people knock.
You ski uphill.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You lick your coffeepot clean.
You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
All your kids are named "Joe".
Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you.
Instant coffee takes too long.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You short out motion detectors.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
You don't tan, you roast.
Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.
Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.
You can't even remember your second cup.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate. -
12
Elders Manual Online?
by troubled inis the official elder's manual online anywhere?
if so, how can i get an online or literal copy?
-
-
Caole
Hi Eyebrow...I didn't get it posted online...I found it posted online
-
12
Elders Manual Online?
by troubled inis the official elder's manual online anywhere?
if so, how can i get an online or literal copy?
-
-
Caole
Hi Troubled...Here's one online: http://home2.inet.tele.dk/carloc/
-
95
Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)
by Wounded Heart inused to be called multiple personality disorder (mpd).. i have it.
i was physically, emotionally, sexually abused.
the tramas in my life were so great that i split into many.
-
-
Caole
Hey Waiting...here's the address for the Many Voices site: http://www.manyvoicespress.com/
-
305
Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread
by Seven inhappy monday!.
had no price tag.
much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.
-
-
Caole
Whooah...had to rest a bit after typing that one out...cut and paste just doesn't work sometimes. Waiting...lol...I've never heard of hamsterbation before I'll follow Moxy's lead...another island joke
A young single guy on a cruise ship is having the time of his life. On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into an iceberg and begins to sink. Passengers around him are screaming, flailing, and drowning, but our guy manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood and, using every last ounce of strength, swims a few miles through the shark-infested sea to a remote island.
Sprawled on the shore and nearly passed out from exhaustion, he turns his head and sees a woman lying near him, who had also managed to survive this far, but she was unconscious and barely breathing. He makes his way to her, and with some mouth-to-mouth assistance he manages to get her breathing and conscious again.
She looks up at him, wide-eyed and grateful and says, "You saved my life!" He suddenly realizes the woman is Cindy Crawford!
Days and weeks go by. Cindy and our guy are living on the island together. They've set up a hut, there's fruit on the trees, and they're in heaven. Cindy's fallen madly in love with our man, and they're making passionate love morning, noon and night. True Heaven on earth in the man's eyes.
Alas, one day she notices he's looking kind of glum. "What's the matter, sweetheart?" she asks. "We have a wonderful life together and I'm in love with you. Is there something wrong? Is there anything I can do?"
He says, "Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind, putting on my shirt?"
"Sure," she says,"if it'll help." He takes off his shirt and she puts it on.
"Now would you put on my pants?" he asks.
"Sure, honey, if it's really going to make you feel better," she says. He takes off his pants and she puts them on.
"Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little mustache on your face?" he asks.
"Whatever you want, sweetie," she says, and does.
Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?" She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the other direction.
They meet up half way around the island a few minutes later. He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, "Dude! You'll never believe who I'm sleeping with!"
-
305
Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread
by Seven inhappy monday!.
had no price tag.
much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.
-
-
Caole
Basic Rules for Cats Who Have a House to Run:
DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once the door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.
CHAIRS and RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's bare foot.
BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything...just sit and stare.
HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping", otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for hampering":
a) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.
b) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.
c) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you...ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you.
d) For people paying bills(monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards(annual activity), keep in mind the aim...to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off of the table, one at a time.
e) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump.
WALKING: As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help to develop their coordination skills.
BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.
PLAY: This is an important part of your life. Get enough sleep in the daytime so you are fresh for your nocturnal games. Below are listed several favorite cat games that you can play. It is important though to maintain one's dignity at all times. If you should have an accident during play, such as falling off of a chair, immediately wash a part of your body as if to say "I MEANT TO DO THAT!" It fools those humans every time.
CAT GAMES:
"Catch Mouse": The humans would have you believe that those lumps under the covers are their feet and hands...they are lying. They are actually Bed Mice, rumored to be the most delicious of all the mice in the world, though no cat has ever been able to catch one. Rumor also has it that only the most ferocious attack can stun them long enough for you to dive under the covers to get them. Maybe YOU can be the first to taste the Bed Mouse!
"King of the Hill": This game must be played with at least one other cat. The more, the merrier! One or both of the sleeping humans is Hill 303, which must be defended at all costs from the other cat(s). Anything goes. This game allows for the development of unusual tactics as one must take the unstable playing theater into account. WARNING: Playing either of these games to excess will result in expulsion from the bed and possibly from the bedroom. Should the humans grow restless, immediately begin purring and cuddle up to them. This should buy you some time until they fall asleep again. If one happens to be on a human when this occurs, this cat wins the round of King of the Hill.
TOYS: Any small item is a potential toy. If a human tries to confiscate it, this means that it is a good toy. Run with it under the bed. Look suitably outraged when the human grabs you and takes it away. Always watch where it is put so you can steal it later. Two reliable sources of toys are dresser tops and wastebaskets. There are several types of cat toys. Bright shiny things like keys, brooches, or coins should be hidden so that the other cat(s) or humans can't play with them. They are generally good for playing hockey with on uncarpeted floors. Dangly and/or string-like things such as shoelaces, cords, gold chains, and dental floss also make excellent toys. They are favorites of humans who like to drag them across the floor for us to pounce on. When a string is dragged under a newspaper or throw rug, it magically becomes the Paper/Rug Mouse and should be killed at all costs. Take care, though. Humans are sneaky and will try to make you lose your dignity.
PAPER BAGS: Within paper bags dwell the Bag Mice. They are small and camouflaged to be the same color as the bag, so they are hard to see. But...you can easily hear the crinkling noises that they make as they scurry around the bag. Anything, up to and including shredding the bag, can be done to kill them. NOTE: Any other cat that you may find in a bag hunting for Bag Mice is fair game for a sneak attack, which will usually result in a great tag match.
FOOD: In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half of the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food...convincing a human that you are starving to death and must be fed *NOW*, and hunting for it oneself. The following are guidelines for getting fed:
a) When the humans are eating, make sure that you leave the tip of your tail in their dishes when they are not looking.
b) Never eat food from your own bowl if you can steal some from the table.
c) Never drink from your own water bowl if a human's glass is full enough to drink from.
d) Should you catch something of your own outside, it is only polite to attempt to get to know it. Be insistent...your food will usually not be so polite and will try to leave.
e) Table scraps are delicacies with which the humans are unfortunately unwilling to readily part with. It is beneath the dignity of a cat to beg outright for food as lower forms of life such as dogs will, but several techniques exist for ensuring that the humans don't forget that you exist. These include, but are not limited to...jumping onto the lap of the "softest" human and purring loudly, lying down in the doorway between the dining room and the kitchen, the direct stare, and twining around people's legs as they sit and eat while meowing plaintively.
SLEEPING: As mentioned above, in order to have enough energy for playing, a cat must get plenty of sleep. It is generally not difficult to find a comfortable place to curl up. Any place a human likes to sit is good, especially if it contrasts with your fur color. If it's in a sunbeam or near a heating duct or radiator, so much the better. Of course, good places also exist outdoors, but have the disadvantages of being seasonal and dependent on current and previous weather conditions such as rain. Open windows are a good compromise.
SCRATCHING POSTS: It is advised that cats use any scratching post the humans may provide. They are very protective of what they think is their property and will object strongly if they catch you sharpening your claws on it. Being sneaky and doing it when they aren't around won't help, as they are very observant. If you are an outdoor kitty, trees are good. Sharpening your claws on a human is a definate no-no!
HUMANS: Humans have three primary functions...to feed us, to play with and give attention to us, and to clean the litter box. It is important to maintain one's dignity when around humans so that they will not forget who is the master of the house. Humans need to know basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent. You will then have a smooth-running household.
-
305
Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread
by Seven inhappy monday!.
had no price tag.
much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.
-
-
Caole
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'." "Yeah" she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want any pain killers because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts back. "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
-
305
Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread
by Seven inhappy monday!.
had no price tag.
much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.
-
-
Caole
Hey...pretty cool, Englishman...and a lot easier to figure out than "Kaho Kabir chucha ghat bole. Bhariya hoe so kabahu no dole!"(If I remember correctly, it was you that posted this Sikh couplet, not?)
-
305
Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread
by Seven inhappy monday!.
had no price tag.
much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.
-
-