Posts by sass_my

40

Wife went to bed in tears again. Sept KM this time. Her response..

by oompa in

jw
friends

ok, slowly awakening and fading at the same time for two years now, and did not plan it.

i tell my wife last night i have been having some interesting e-mails with my dad about the qb from the sept km we are to study this week.

she says she has read it, but does not remember it.

sass_my_frass

So, you have contact with your son, right?

36

Confused!! Help!!

by BigBloomerz in

ok so here goes...ive fallen for a guy, who seems perfect for me, everything ive ever wanted in a man, kind, sensitive, caring and reliable.

only problem is, he is not a jw and i sort of am, sort of meaning, i was brought up in the truth i have gone through rebelious stages and just passed them off as wanting to experience, i nearly married a jw but the night before the wedding he called it off and said he wasnt ready (we had sleot with each other beforehand, so he prob didnt see the point in going ahead anymore!

got what he had wanted!

sass_my_frass

Hmm, well, I was you, then I got dfd, married him, and life gets exponentially happier every day. The df was a rough time, but it paid off eventually. I am now intensely happy, and I don't miss the people I used to think were my friends. I've never really been part of my family.

We get this one flesh-and-blood shot at life. It's not groundhog day. Consume each moment and every day voraciously.

65

DF and heartbroken

by cassyrene in

let me begin by saying that i never expected to even talk about my situation let alone discuss it on the internet but i guess im just feeling so sad that i must hope that someone will understand and give me encouragement...so here it goes.. .

but the more active i got, the more abusive my stepmother became.

ironically, he sent my stepmother to the wedding.

sass_my_frass

Oh (((Cassyrene)))

My name is Cass; my parents called me Cassandra when I was in trouble. I used to be called Cassy but got annoyed when people would spell it wrong. Dumb huh?

All this crapola right before your wedding, that sucks! My wedding was messed up too - I had only one friend there. My hens night was him and his three mates who I'd never met. I'd been dfd only a few months before and was just getting my life started. I was so determined to ignore the insane JW part of my history and just look forward. Everything in front of me had so much hope, and still does.

My four siblings have all cut me off, I'm dealing with that. My folks came to my wedding but we've had a strained relationship since. I'm sure that one day they'll do the same thing as your dad told you, I'm trying to be ready for that conversation, but how? It's so insane.

All we can do is live our lives. Be happy, grow, have our families, and treat them the way we wish we'd been treated. You can learn from this and be a far better mum than you ever had. You can tell your kids about their grandparents.

It hurts your dad to have said what he said. One day in the very distant future, he might apologise for it. Maybe not. Love them, and let them go.

25

in memory of.........

by Mulan in

jw
friends

my cousin, childhood playmate, best friend in the world.

i miss her everyday.. in loving memory.

sharon mcdaniel kennedy.

sass_my_frass

((Mulan))

Be brave, kiddo.

54

My story- Here goes!

by Younglove1999 in

i've just been writing away the past few days about my thoughts and feelings since my husband and i decided to finally call it quits and stop going to meetings.

in fact, he's the one who told me about this website.

he's a lurker though, so i don't think any have heard from him.

sass_my_frass

True. I had to learn how this making-friends thing works, I got so used to showing up at the hall and recruiting them there! I like having to become more interesting to people, and engaged in life, for people to stay around. I like that it's making me a much nicer person.

31

Time to tell my story...

by mind my own in

jw
friends

i joined a few weeks ago and have been adding my comments etc.

pioneer or i'm out.

pioneer.

sass_my_frass

Hi MMO. I'm glad you made it out intact and have apparently found a good man to share your life with. It gets better from now on.

28

Setting a shopping mall booth for preaching? Is that the newest trend?

by divejunkie in

jw
friends

i saw it for the first time.

in a very pricy shopping center in an upscale area, these two witnesses couples had a booth, very similar to those for cellphones, and they were trying to attract people to it and passing out magazines and other literature.

after the shock, i got to thinking: .

sass_my_frass

I don't know why they haven't hired professional marketing companies to air prime-time tv ads. They've got the money, and they've got a message.

33

What's reasonable to expect on a first date?

by serendipity in

i've been on online dating sites for a while, have exchanged emails with over 100 guys (politely saying "thanks, but no thanks" to the vast majority) and went on dates with a few.

i'm generally disappointed in the emails these guys sent and have been disappointed in the dates.

i'm not sure if the problem is with my expectations or if there is just a lack of communications skills and courtesy among people.

sass_my_frass

I only ever met up with one guy who I'd met online, and that experience put me off (he was visibly disappointed as soon as he saw me!). My theory is that both parties talk themselves up slightly and assume that the other person hasn't. It's easy for me to build up a picture of somebody I have never met in person, and even though I have a lot of deep friendships with people I've met online I always assume that the way I imagine them is the way they are. That's not usually a problem unless they're a potential date. Anyway, back to you...

Well, the date was a let down. He WAS smart, interesting and somewhat playful- as his emails suggested. But his actions suggested a lack of interest or enthusiasm about meeting or getting to know me. I don't know if he was trying to play it cool or if he is clueless.

Re the logistics issues; don't take that personally. Some people just aren't in complete control of their day (and it's not the kind of thing you'd find out via email). He might not be able to organise his way out of a paper bag. It's not life-threatening but it's up to you whether you can tolerate it.

I tried to steer the conversation to get him off that subject so I could find out more about HIM and his ex-wives and life.

My first thought was that ex-wife conversations aren't really first date material. What did you think of the book he's writing?

Is it unreasonable to expect a man to ask me about myself and have conversational equity, rather than have one person monopolize the conversation? of course I was monopolizing the listening i.e. not talking

I agree; it really should be even. The problem might be that you don't actually have a lot of common interests, but that he was just pushing on to see what happened. My opinion is that it only takes a few minutes to work out whether you can get along with somebody; whether you have that 'instant connection'. I think that's mostly about having a similar sense of humour and level of intellect.

I'm also attracted to compassion. There were two things that alerted me that he was deficient there: to punish his kids, he'd make them exercise until they cried.

Oh yeah; ICK.

Then he told me that he admired JWs because they disfellowship people so that there are fewer hypocrites in the religion. (yeah, right)

oh, DOUBLE ICK.

Ah who knows. I always thought that it doesn't hurt to know more people.

54

My story- Here goes!

by Younglove1999 in

i've just been writing away the past few days about my thoughts and feelings since my husband and i decided to finally call it quits and stop going to meetings.

in fact, he's the one who told me about this website.

he's a lurker though, so i don't think any have heard from him.

sass_my_frass

Well I'm glad that you're happy and settled, that is, it sounds like you're very much more confident now in both your own choices and the stability of your marriage. I get so happy when I hear that a couple has made it through this intact. You should also congratulate yourselves because part of that is because you both remained true to an intellectual integrity. I don't mean that to sound stuck-up, I just mean that neither of you were the type to shut a conversation or a thought pattern down because it was taking you out of your safety zone. That's rare and admirable among us - people raised as witnesses.

It's going to be hard sometimes, but fantastic other times. I'm finding that the rejection is the hardest. It only took a couple of months on this board and in an encyclopedia for me to knock down what I thought was a very sturdy belief system, but once I'd started on that it was so liberating and now I love knowing that I don't actually know very much at all. It makes the rest of my life seem like such an adventure.

The grief though; the loss of most of the people in my life, that's still difficult sometimes and why I've been on this board for so long. It's not even about them anymore, because I know that it was never a real love in the first place, but the fact that they all rejected me because they can't handle people in their lives who don't make them feel good about what they believe, well that feels like it's personal. I don't want them in my life, but it hurts that they don't want me either. I've heard that this feeling fades with time, and I'm looking forward to that.

54

My story- Here goes!

by Younglove1999 in

i've just been writing away the past few days about my thoughts and feelings since my husband and i decided to finally call it quits and stop going to meetings.

in fact, he's the one who told me about this website.

he's a lurker though, so i don't think any have heard from him.

sass_my_frass

Around my 7 th month of pregnancy, my husband and I went out to lunch one day and I said to him “we need to get our act together because if we’re going to raise our daughter we need to be consistent”. To my relief, my husband said “I don’t know if I want to raise our daughter in this”-
I almost lost it- I was so relieved! Finally, this was the start of us finally being able to express how we really feel about doing all this!

Welcome YoungLove!

I was so happy to hear that you and your husband came to this conclusion at the same time! So many couples have the added trauma of one member deciding to get out and the other, well, you know.

Just keep writing and talking about it. There is a finite amount of things to say about it, and then you'll find you barely have it on your mind at all. I'm looking forward to that myself.

Congratulations on your baby too, I hope you're feeling better now. How long to go?

sass_my_frass

Posts by sass_my_frass