Hello. I know exactly how you feel. I'm 33 and this is my first time ever looking for answers outside of the KH. I was raised in "the truth" until age 16, the age I was allowed to make my own decision. I was never baptized, although I seriously considered it at age 14. The decision not to get baptized is probably the only reason my family still associates with me now. At 18, I even tried going back, along with my "worldly boyfriend", whom I was living with at the time. It was made very clear that our relationship was a "bad influence" on the other youths, and we should not sit together at the meetings. This was not a good first immpression for my boyfriend, raised SB. At that point he said he had no intentions of being a part of such an organization, I could go alone. Even though I knew why they ask us not to sit together, I was was very hurt that he was treated like that, so I didn't care to go back. I was pressured by my family to start attending the meetings again, but I refused. About 6 months later, we got married and then were approached by the same brothers/sisters that shunned us, asking us to come back, "we" never did. My husband didn't understand why he was now okay in their eyes. Several years later, after our first child was born, with my families encouragement, I felt I owed it to my child to give him a chance at everlasting life. I went for a while, but slowly drifted away again. I continued to believe everything I was taught, just couldn't live with the rules. I was so overwhelmed with the events of 9/11, I started reading/studing the bible again, I even studied with a local sister for a while. I couldn't find what I was looking for, so I stopped the study and just gave up on getting answers. Recently, a co-worker opened my eyes to the possibilites that JW might not be the "one true" religion. She found this website for me, reluctantly I agreed to look at it. Now I see I am not the only one out there feeling like this and I have a good place to start looking for alternative answers. Like you I love the way I was taught, I'm sure I'll always believe in/use his name, but there are some things that I don't believe. I plan to by the book mentioned "Crisis of Conscience", maybe it will help. I may go back to the KH someday, who knows. My husband (of 15 years), has always been good about it. He never told me not to go or that he didn't want his children going to the KH. All because he was taught there is not one perfect religion. That sounds more reasonable than judging someone because of their religion. I will contiue to read the postings here. It's nice to know your not alone, right?
