by listening carefully to discern their real concerns.
This rules out former members, so they are referring to unbelieving relatives that do not know much about the religion.
I also find it appalling the idea of only trying to understand where someone else is coming from without a genuine interest or care in their viewpoint, but only to find a way to argue your case with them.
That nails it. The article is intended to show how to use this as an opportunity to convert a relative.