Posts by coolhandluke

7

George Dean - yeah its long. its worth the read though. promise

by coolhandluke in

jw
friends

i was 13 when we met.

he was 72. relaying the story later to friends he said about me that many people had knocked on his door but there was something about me that made him listen.

i came to love this man.

coolhandluke

Thanks for writing this. Made it a better day for me.

You're welcome. Your reply made it a better day for me.

You're a gifted writer and storyteller, CHL.

Thanks for the read Sylvia and thanks for the compliment

7

George Dean - yeah its long. its worth the read though. promise

by coolhandluke in

jw
friends

i was 13 when we met.

he was 72. relaying the story later to friends he said about me that many people had knocked on his door but there was something about me that made him listen.

i came to love this man.

I know you don't know the name. I'm going to tell you about him. I was 13 when we met. He was 72. Relaying the story later to friends he said about me that many people had knocked on his door but there was something about me that made him listen. I came to love this man. I called him my son. He called me dad. We began a friendship that started off as teacher and student but in the end we were family. Eventually he was baptized. He was made a ministerial servant while I was still studying with him. I was still under the age of 18. They called him my letter of recommendation, the proof that I was a good teacher. George grew up during the Great Depression. He walked everywhere. The only job he ever had was as a shoe salesman. He had a collection of over a thousand old movies. We must have watched all of them together. From him I learned humility, kindness, simplicity and a sense of joy no matter where I was or who I was with.

He had an ability to craft orations that captivated. They say he got that from me. No way. I got it from him. He made the people around him better, made me better. He was utterly self-less. He had only two family members that he rarely saw. My mother and I became his family. He never married, never bore children. He loved the God that I exposed him to and served him until he died.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that they've never seen me cry. I try to shield myself in those moments. Sign of weakness? Perhaps. I really don't know. One of the last times that I saw him was in the hospital. Kaiser Permanente on Sierra Avenue in Fontana, CA. I held it together until I got downstairs. In some unknown wing of the hospital, against a wall, I cried uncontrollably. I have no idea for how long. When I stopped I was sitting on the floor in a haze.

George died a couple of weeks later in a nursing home. The last time I saw him he cried. He said that he was scared to die. I just held his hand until he fell asleep. I promised him that if he died that the next time he woke up, I'd be there, we'd be young and in Paradise, together. One of my biggest regrets is that I was disfellowshipped by the time he passed away. His teacher had strayed from the course and he was alone now. I regret that. I regret that he died alone in a nursing home that smelled of death and urine.

I'd like to think that I added to the last few years of his life. I knew him for about 12 years. The last few I had to help him in and out of the car for Sunday morning breakfast which was our custom, our ritual. Wednesday's were movie day. I had to help him to the bathroom midway through the films. I'd like to think that what I added to his life was the friendship of the congregation because really they did rally around him like a family. But how much of a family really? He died alone... and I'm not sure that the promise of 'Paradise' was of any comfort to him at all. I still think of him fondly. Any time I get the notion to accumulate unecessary things I remember him. Days when I don't appreciate the simple comfort and beauty of my life, my conscience takes on his voice and I am so much better for it.

7

My JW Daughter Was Invited to Speak At Church Youth Rally

by snowbird in

she is being looked up to by many in our little community as a beacon of hope for the other kids.. she excelled in her classes in school and at college.

she doesn't do drugs, doesn't stay out too late at night, and is always respectful toward adults.. my daughter tactfully declined the invitation.

i am so sorry i got her involved with the jw's.. sylvia.

coolhandluke

The child reflects the parent. You're a good mom.

36

My nephew is getting baptized

by coolhandluke in

jw
friends

if you got to choose who your children would be, i'd choose luca.

he is all the things that i'd like to be myself.

there is no human who holds more weight for me than him.

coolhandluke

I just want to say that, in every meaning of the word, you are really "heroic." For me, a person is heroic if they show integrity - if they remain true to their ideals, their duties, and to themselves - even in the face of adversity. Your nephew is an extremely fortunate young man to have you as an uncle.

Thanks Rap. From this community that means quite a bit. It is hard to balance his needs versus mine. He is highly important to me and part of me wants to violate the principles of higher idealism just to have this kid be free. He doesn't even realize he is a slave yet... It would be easier to go back and have my grandma for the last few years of her life, to have my mom 'be able to have her son back'. But there is so much more at stake than general comfort...

3. She really believes she's doing a good work

I think that is a big one. I believed the same thing. I think this kid will follow that. At some point though you realize that your actions are futile and there is more going on behind the curtain that makes any 'good work' invalid and honestly damaging. I can see in retrospect that those I baptized and those that I convinced to 'stay' by my words or action did in some ways have better lives because of my actions but for the most part I sold them a lie hook, line and well... you know. I think your daughter will eventually hunger for something more and that will be her exit. Thanks for being willing to share. It helped quite a bit. I share the 'hero' moniker that Rapunzel gave me with you...

36

My nephew is getting baptized

by coolhandluke in

jw
friends

if you got to choose who your children would be, i'd choose luca.

he is all the things that i'd like to be myself.

there is no human who holds more weight for me than him.

coolhandluke

So have you figured out what keeps her in? I'm asking and defering to your having been there. Luca is 15... soon to be approaching the mindset of your daughter...

I appreciate the advice, especially about college.

36

My nephew is getting baptized

by coolhandluke in

jw
friends

if you got to choose who your children would be, i'd choose luca.

he is all the things that i'd like to be myself.

there is no human who holds more weight for me than him.

coolhandluke

My daughter is a baptized JW, and I have to walk a fine line also.

So then snowbird, how do you handle it with your daughter? Do you make subtle hints? I mean JW's are amazing at picking up subtle digs. They have this built in radar for anything undermining, then their brain shuts down and the programming starts speaking for them. Its like a failsafe device. Does she have children? How do you handle that? If you are DF'd how do you maintain a relationship with her?

Thanks,

CHL

36

My nephew is getting baptized

by coolhandluke in

jw
friends

if you got to choose who your children would be, i'd choose luca.

he is all the things that i'd like to be myself.

there is no human who holds more weight for me than him.

coolhandluke

My advise is to truly live your life, make the most out of every day and truly be happy. When he sees the difference, that you are a very positive, strong, and happy person. And all others around him are negative, sheep like and depressed drones hopefully he will see the contrast and the light will go on all by itself.

That is what happened with me. I'm hoping history repeats itself.

36

My nephew is getting baptized

by coolhandluke in

jw
friends

if you got to choose who your children would be, i'd choose luca.

he is all the things that i'd like to be myself.

there is no human who holds more weight for me than him.

coolhandluke

I can tell you that it was the hardest thing in my life to hold my tongue when my nephew told me he was getting bpt'd and when he tells me now of his plans for his JW future. But I had to learn the road I wanted to take and it would not have stopped me if a non jw family member tried to stop me. So the only thing I can do is hang back and just be there with all the love and support I can give. Til the day he realizes this is not for him and then I will be there to help him deal with that.

That is pretty much my thought as well. We all learn in our own time. Wisdom cannot be forced down anyone's throat.

But what if you'd never left? Then you'd always think of him as your evil uncle who just doesn't get it and can't be supportive?

That was my thought as well Joanna. If he doesn't leave and I try to pry him out, I'll never be approachable. I'd rather him have to make excuses for treating me a certain way since I am open to him than forcing his hand to be unilateral in relation to me

Don't worry. Your nephew will come here eventually and laugh about it.

I hope so OOTB

Oppose him with some simple examples, organ transplants etc, THEN, when he needs you he will remember you were the one who truly tried to help him. Otherwise, what will he think? "Uncle, you KNEW? And still didn't help me see the truth about the LIE?"

If and when that happens Mr. Ben, I think I'll tell him 'Child, try and remember what your reasons were for getting baptized. Remember what you were thinking when you got in the water. Remember how much you believed, how much you trusted, how much you wanted this and then ask yourself if anyone save Jesus returning on a cloud could have disuaded you from you stance and then ask yourself why I didn't tell you.'

Joanna - you're my hero too. I dream of little teeth, fire-truck red hair and a cat that tries to suck out your soul when you sleep. :) Seriously, thank you for the support. You know how much this kid means to me.

sometimes losing the battle is the best way to win the war,
if he's got half your smarts he'll go far regardless of whether he's in or out, heres hoping its the latter.
wishing you the best of everything with your long term plan.

Thanks for the comments and well wishing Nelly. it all helps.

36

My nephew is getting baptized

by coolhandluke in

jw
friends

if you got to choose who your children would be, i'd choose luca.

he is all the things that i'd like to be myself.

there is no human who holds more weight for me than him.

coolhandluke

I don’t mean to be negative but business? Seriously? How long do you think his elders/congregation will tolerate that for? What if someone is suddenly “stumbled” by his relationship with you, how will he deal with that kind of pressure? We all know that as long as you’re not baptized you can get away with some things but once you get dunked, things have a way of changing. At any rate, good luck to both of you.

True, you have a point. I am however following the letter of their law. This is my only option save being reinstated which is just a lie. I hate lying, especially to a kid. How would he ever trust me again?

You are one hell of a man. I have followed your posts, and know how much he means to you. You are both so blessed to have each other. He will one day realize this. It is truly rare for anyone in that cult to ever know what unconditional love is!!
shelley

Thanks Shelley. Honestly I really didn't know what unconditional love was until I left as well. Hoping he'll see that before I did.

36

My nephew is getting baptized

by coolhandluke in

jw
friends

if you got to choose who your children would be, i'd choose luca.

he is all the things that i'd like to be myself.

there is no human who holds more weight for me than him.

coolhandluke

CHL,
It was my understanding that you're DFed? If that's so how will he keep in touch with you when we all know he should not be speaking with you? I know that when I was in no matter how much I cared for someone there was no way in heck I'd speak with them if they were DFed. Is there even a small chance that he won't speak to you once he gets dunked?

Yep, I'm DF'd. That is another reason why I'm instituting a reason for him to talk to me - business. We never, ever have to talk about JWism. Business. I can even eat with him - business lunch. So yeah, he might not want to speak to me about spiritual things and I'll never pressure him to but we can discuss business.

Does he at least know that you wish he wouldn't?

No. No negativity. No reason for him to cut me off. No reason for him to doubt my intentions.