((((JustHuman)))) I pray for your healing and do know (as others have already mentioned) that you WILL heal and things will get better in time. Many of us were emotionally and spiritually WRECKED upon leaving the JW's. You have been horribly manipulated by a spiritually sick organization, so it's not going to be a cakewalk but the FUTURE is yours. It's a blank canvas ready to be painted by YOU. You can keep painting with the black & white/doom & gloom color palette given to you by the JW's or you can utilize the entire divine spectrum of colors given to each of us by our source & creator. It may be easier to use what we've always known because we become quite adept at looking at the world in a limited way, but as you push your boundaries just a little more every day, try new things and above all BANISH negative thoughts. This is not an easy task, but at least try to get in the habit of "catching" yourself thinking negatively and replace it with a positive statement. You will revert back to negativity, but if you keep "catching" yourself in time you WILL automatically adopt a more positive frame of mind that will RADICALLY TRANSFORM your life. The present is where all the action happens...the past is the past and is useful only to the extent that we can learn what NOT to do. The future is whatever you make it to be as determined by your present thoughts and actions. Make each moment as positive as possible and do take time every day to meditate and still your mind. Just closing your eyes and being quiet for a time every day is of great benefit to the mind & spirit. It lets all the "junk" floating around in our minds to settle to the bottom so we can see things more clearly. Good luck to you and many future blessings. I know the next chapter of your life is going to be glorious!
Maryjane
JoinedPosts by Maryjane
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42
I just can't pick up my pieces and continue with my life...
by justhuman ini'm feeling so down lately my psycology has reached to the bottom.
sometimes i wish i never been born.
looking back my life all there is left is pain.
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Letter of Disassociation
by Maryjane ini walked away from the jw religion nearly 9 years ago after "waking up" to the lies & mind games.
since then i've learned the full extent of the manipulation (thanks to websites such as this & the coc book)and have successfully overcome the emotional & spiritual crisis that i experienced the first few years after my departure.
i can say that i am at a place in my life now where i am happy, spiritually fulfilled and religion-free!
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Maryjane
Thanks for the serious food for thought all. Maybe I will continue to just leave well-enough alone :\ I'm getting into the same "defensive" mode I was in early in my departure. Definitely don't want to go backwards. Let them 'think' what they will. As some of them leave (and some of them will) they will see what we see. I certainly have long-departed in my heart.
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Letter of Disassociation
by Maryjane ini walked away from the jw religion nearly 9 years ago after "waking up" to the lies & mind games.
since then i've learned the full extent of the manipulation (thanks to websites such as this & the coc book)and have successfully overcome the emotional & spiritual crisis that i experienced the first few years after my departure.
i can say that i am at a place in my life now where i am happy, spiritually fulfilled and religion-free!
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Maryjane
Thanks Baba & LovesDubs Hmmmn...well I think I'll still write a letter, I'll just keep it short so as not to waste my time. Maybe even write it in a cryptic sort of manner so the elder(s) will HAVE to read it themselves (i.e. don't even include my name just leave clues to who wrote it dispersed within the content of the letter itself...lol)
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Letter of Disassociation
by Maryjane ini walked away from the jw religion nearly 9 years ago after "waking up" to the lies & mind games.
since then i've learned the full extent of the manipulation (thanks to websites such as this & the coc book)and have successfully overcome the emotional & spiritual crisis that i experienced the first few years after my departure.
i can say that i am at a place in my life now where i am happy, spiritually fulfilled and religion-free!
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Maryjane
Hello All, I walked away from the JW religion nearly 9 years ago after "waking up" to the lies & mind games. Since then I've learned the full extent of the manipulation (thanks to websites such as this & the CoC book)and have successfully overcome the emotional & spiritual crisis that I experienced the first few years after my departure. I can say that I am at a place in my life now where I am happy, spiritually fulfilled and religion-free! I have an aunt who is still in the religion and she has been telling anyone who will listen that I left because (a) I couldn't hack it or (b) I was deceived by false information on the internet. I have been letting such BS roll off my back, but she is still doing this and I'm tired of it. I was thinking about writing a letter to my old congregation (where she attends) letting them know CLEARLY the reasons for my departure and my desire to formally sever ties with them. It would mostly be a symbolic act, to clear my aura of any association with that group...but at the same time I want everyone I was ever associated with there to know precisely why I left to put an end to the "hearsay". Do they still read letters of disassociation out loud to the congregation? Do they edit the content? Have any of you done this? Was if helpful to you in any way? Many thanks for your replies! -MJ
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Could it be stress or a nervous breakdown?
by Chameleon inok, in december '07, i was a little freaked out about what could happen to you if you don't pay on your student loans.. i calmed down when i found out out i don't owe that much.. in january '08, i had food poisoning for the first time.
that passed in two or three days.. in february '08, i had food poisoning again.
that passed in two days also.. however, that same week i got home from work one day, and slept for 10 hours straight.
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Maryjane
That site is kind of daunting if you're not familiar with Kundalini. Here's at "at-a-glance" list of symptoms:
http://www.elcollie.com/st/symptoms.html
KUNDALINI SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS
by El Collie
Many individuals whose Kundalini has been unexpectedly unleashed DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING, and the prevailing social ignorance about this multidimensional transformative process makes it hard to find medical or alternative health practitioners or spiritual advisors who recognize the symptoms, particularly when they are strongly physical. Many people know that the risen Kundalini flings open gates to all sorts of mystical, paranormal and magical vistas but few realize it can also dramatically impact the body. A large percentage of our old Shared Transformation newsletter subscribers reported long bouts of strange illness as well as radical mental, emotional, interpersonal, psychic, spiritual and lifestyle changes. Over and again we hear stories of frustrating, sometimes desperate visits to doctors, healers, counselors, etc. who neither understood nor were able to help with the myriad pains and problems catalyzed by raging Kundalini.
Click here -- This letter is typical of the hundreds we receive from people struggling with strange symptoms and Kundalini illnesses:
The following are common manifestations of the risen Kundalini:
- Muscle twitches, cramps or spasms.
- Energy rushes or immense electricity circulating the body
- Itching, vibrating, prickling, tingling, stinging or crawling sensations
- Intense heat or cold
- Involuntary bodily movements (occur more often during meditation, rest or sleep): jerking, tremors, shaking; feeling an inner force pushing one into postures or moving one's body in unusual ways. (May be misdiagnosed as epilepsy, restless legs syndrome (RLS), or PLMD.)
- Alterations in eating and sleeping patterns
- Episodes of extreme hyperactivity or, conversely, overwhelming fatigue (some CFS victims are experiencing Kundalini awakening)
- Intensified or diminished sexual desires
- Headaches, pressures within the skull
- Racing heartbeat, pains in the chest
- Digestive system problems
- Numbness or pain in the limbs (particularly the left foot and leg)
- Pains and blockages anywhere; often in the back and neck (Many cases of FMS are Kundalini-related.)
- Emotional outbursts; rapid mood shifts; seemingly unprovoked or excessive episodes of grief, fear, rage, depression
- Spontaneous vocalizations (including laughing and weeping) -- are as unintentional and uncontrollable as hiccoughs
- Hearing an inner sound or sounds, classically described as a flute, drum, waterfall, birds singing, bees buzzing but which may also sound like roaring, whooshing, or thunderous noises or like ringing in the ears.
- Mental confusion; difficulty concentrating
- Altered states of consciousness: heightened awareness; spontaneous trance states; mystical experiences (if the individual's prior belief system is too threatened by these, they can lead to bouts of psychosis or self-grandiosity)
- Heat, strange activity, and/or blissful sensations in the head, particularly in the crown area.
- Ecstasy, bliss and intervals of tremendous joy, love, peace and compassion
- Psychic experiences: extrasensory perception; out-of-body experiences; pastlife memories; astral travel; direct awareness of auras and chakras; contact with spirit guides through inner voices, dreams or visions; healing powers
- Increased creativity: new interests in self-expression and spiritual communication through music, art, poetry, etc.
- Intensified understanding and sensitivity: insight into one's own essence; deeper understanding of spiritual truths; exquisite awareness of one's environment (including "vibes" from others)
- Enlightenment experiences: direct Knowing of a more expansive reality; transcendent awareness
Some people have told us they find the concept of "Kundalini" foreign and prefer to simply call this their "awakening," which is fine with us. But for most who contact us, the Kundalini explanation provides an important framework with which to accept and work with their experiences. We each have a unique way of interpreting, honoring and describing our spiritual wisdom. I do not believe there is only one right way to know or express the truth. Far more important, I believe, is to have an open heart and to be faithful to our own path, wherever it may lead.
We have also been asked why we do not put more emphasis on union with the Divine and God-realization, which are very much central to spiritual awakening. Since everyone experiences and interprets their mystical experiences differently and very personally, to make sure no one will feel excluded, we just speak of "awakening consciousness" or "transcendent states" on the ST Web pages. In our Shared Transformation newsletter, individuals with variant religious beliefs are welcome to (and DO) tell about their experiences of this sort. Some speak of God, Christ, Goddess, the Holy One, Spirit, or simply a magnificent Whole in which we all partake.
Also, for some people, profound spiritual realizations do not occur until months or years after the other signs and symptoms. Individuals who are having experiences of an obvious spiritual nature are usually more able to integrate and benefit from the process, regardless of how they may label it. But those who experience what seems to be illness or weird psychic phenomena often are very alarmed until they understand that they are not sick or crazy. And even the enlightening and beautiful experiences can be so powerful that people doubt their sanity. This is why the information and validation we offer through Shared Transformationis so valuable.
- Muscle twitches, cramps or spasms.
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11
Could it be stress or a nervous breakdown?
by Chameleon inok, in december '07, i was a little freaked out about what could happen to you if you don't pay on your student loans.. i calmed down when i found out out i don't owe that much.. in january '08, i had food poisoning for the first time.
that passed in two or three days.. in february '08, i had food poisoning again.
that passed in two days also.. however, that same week i got home from work one day, and slept for 10 hours straight.
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Maryjane
Definitely get yourself a thorough medical check-up, including MRI's if necessary to rule out anything medically sinister.
I was having a slew of "mysterious" symptoms over the past couple of years. I've been to doctors & emergeny rooms, had tests run, MRI's, EKG's and everything was normal. Long story short, turns out I am going through what is called a "kundalini awakening". Kundalini is a latent source of energy coiled up at the base of our spine that can be released either spontaneously (as was the case with me) or in someone who is engaged in a spiritual practice. As this energy rises up the spine (ultimately culminating past our crown) it can cause a myriad of physical (and mental) symptoms. This may or may not be happening to you, but it typically occurs spontaneously in some people around middle-age. In any event, I recommend this website for more information (The Biology of Kundalini http://biologyofkundalini.com/)
Good luck to you.
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Did you try and fit your own "style" into meeting dress?
by avishai inboy, i sure did.
forties suits with handpainted ties.
fifties/sixties sharkskin "rat pack" suits with the skinniest ties i could get away with, etc.,
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Maryjane
At times yes. Sometimes I'd wear skirts that stopped at the knee (but was later counseled that though they were modest when standing when seated such skirts were not acceptable). I have nice legs...why should I hide them??? At my baptism I wore a very sexy suit that was fitted in all the right places :)
After the elder's wives wore down my will with their "counsel" I switched to longer skirts but they could not make me give up my sexy shoes!! Matter of fact, the very last time I went out in field service I had changed out of my heels and into flats and accidentally left them in an elder's car when he dropped me back home (I bet he still has them )
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What has everyone done with your literature, now that you've left?
by momzcrazy ini have boxes of literature upstairs.
i was waiting for bookshelves to get built in our new house, but now i don't want to put them all up.
i have sentimental things, like ones that were my dad's.
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Maryjane
I trashed mine. Every now & then I will stumble upon a JW book (I have a LOT of books so there are still a few in the mix that I missed) but whenever I do find a stray book I trash it.
No room in my life or my house for lies.
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Marrying a "worldly" man...
by veronica_mars init's funny, cause i never thought i would do this.. not that i am engaged, or even dating anyone for that matter... but i *could*.. it's such a foreign concept to me... dating someone who isn't a witness.
who doesn't understand all this.. i don't know why, but it does kinda scare me.
i think that there are certain jw teachings that i will carry with me for a long time... and what if he doesn't get it?!.
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Maryjane
I used to feel that way when I first left the organization. At the time felt as if I could only relate to a man who had been through the watchtower fire. Now that the intitial emotional shock/pain/issues have subsided I've pretty much come back to "myself" (7 years later mind you) and have met many wonderful men who share my REAL interests. I don't need for them to share my JW experience to be compatible partners as there are so many other facets to my personality. I refuse to let the JW's continue to define who I am. It was an experience, I learned from it and moved on. It still is a subject of interest to me but only a very small part. Occasionally it will come up as a topic of conversation on a date and sometimes the men I date do have experience in the JW realm (from having been in the organization themselves or having family/friends who are/were). But mostly I am enjoying all the other aspects/interests of my post-watchtower life.
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Heartwarming experience from China
by What-A-Coincidence in!gag alert!!!.
subject: fwd: heartwarming experience from china.
an experience given by a brother in a congregation up north.
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Maryjane
wOw this one is almost as good as the story about the JW's in Africa who had the witch-doctor proclaim them to be true servants of God since his magic didn't work on them.
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