Well hello JW.com,
My name is Clark. I have been disfellowshiped since December 31, 1991. I attended the Redwood City North COngregation and was disfellowshipped along WITH an elder on the same night...you do the "mathwork."
I am new to this sight (about 1/2 hour) and am not familiar with the format of the do's and don'ts ... or even if I should be here...
However, I have a question for anyone...(and I'm ready for the answers whether it be from over enthusiastic JW's or people who understand...or from anyone in between).
I was disfellowshipped because I openly admitted before 3 elders that I am gay and lived this life as a gay man despite being previously a regular pioneer and a ministerial servant. The elders asked me if I prayed to Jehovah about it. The answer:
More than anyone has prayed put together! Yes, that's a ittle exagerrated, however, it sure felt like it. Praying, crying, painfully asking why I am the way I am. SO, the answer was yes.
The second question was: Have you ever approached an elder abou it?
The answer: No.
They said: Then you fulfilled only half your obligation...
Well, I lied. And then ended up telling them EVERYTHING.
I did speak to an elder. Thus, the disfellowshipping of BOTH of us...again, you do the "mathwork."
My question is:
HOW do I cope with my sexuality when my prayers were NEVER answered, knwoing my "destiny" is to die for something I DID NOT CHOSE to live. I did NOT CHOSE to be gay. I AM gay. No more than a man or woman chooses to be a man or woman before they are born. I have a hrad time believing in a god that would allow people to be "gay" and yet condemned for being so. Especially after BEGGING, PLEADING, KNOCKING, and ASKING for strength to be what I am "supposed" to be....meaning..."straight."
My parents are wtill JW's...they went through a very low part in their life spiritually due to unfortunate unforseen occurances that took place in a San Jose Congregation (my dad was a former elder)...this was a time when I was able to get a little close to them. Well, they are not back on the road to spiritual "recovery" and, therefore, I am now taking a backseat as far as a family relationship goes. I understand this....but it hurts. It hurts to see my mother's face, knowing when I look at her, she wishes I was someone/something else. I am not a bad person. I love a man. LOVE. SOmething that Jehovah is supposed to be. Yes, I LOVE another man....does anyone understand where I'm coming from? Enlighten me please...
THank you