Posts by ASchwarzenegger

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

Here is a new true story that will inspire you to become an actor like me.

During the movie Twins, I was studying the noodle keg habits of Danny DeVito, secretly following him around. He would get up in the morning, eat a bag of chips, then go back to bed. So one day while filming I asked him, "Don't you care that you have a giant keg?" He responded, "No." And took a bite of a huge Klondike bar. The next day we filmed the scene where I was to deadlift the car. But the secret is that I was actually deadlifting Danny DeVito's keg.

Here is a picture of Danny DeVito trying to balance with his huge keg.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

Here is a true story.

While I was training in the gym one day, Franco Columbu was following me around constantly asking questions about everything I did, with a little baby notepad. It got so annoying so I loaded a bar with weight to do barbell curls, after my last rep I yelled "SHHHHUUUTTTT UPPPP!!" and through the bar at Franco, as he grabbed it in his baby hands, I came up and broke his neck. Luckily for him it was only a fracture.

Here is another true story when I first came to America, which will inspire you to grow gigantic lats like me.

I was on a plane, and they didn't have enough protien. So I asked the stuardess for more peanuts, because the peanuts were too small. But she said they didn't have any left because I ate all of them. So I started to scream, "GIVE ME SOME PEANUTS!!! GET ME SOME PROTIEN!!" Everyone started crying. I took huge Austrian stomps towards the back of the plane and started eating everyone's food. I then noticed a mother breast feeding her baby on the other side of the plane. So I ran towards them with a happy face screaming, "AAAAHHH!!!" I picked up the baby and said move aside baby cheeks. I grabbed and squeezed the milk out of her like a hose into my mouth. I then began searching the plane for more protien. I noticed people's pets locked up in cages in the storage area. I saw a squirrel in a cage eating a peanut. "THIS IS MINE NOW!" I attempted to grab the peanut from the squirrel but it escaped towards the cockpit, I chased it down while stomping, jiggling the plane, and started smashing all the controls trying to capture the squirrel. The plane started flying around out of control, so I jumped out of the plane and used my huge lats as a cape and glided down to safety.

Here is another true story of my first time working out in an american gym.

While I was about to bench press 1000lbs, I noticed my magic sunglasses were stolen. I noticed Franco in the corner using them. So I stood up, and floated towards him 100mph screaming, "GIVE ME BACK MY SUNGLASSES!!!" He was staring at me with the most horrified face. All of a sudden everything turned red. And I levitated 10 feet into the air, pointed at him and said, "YOU!" And continued to float towards him with an enraged face, then pinched his cheek. "Phew..." Said Franco. "HHHIIIIIIYYYYYAAAA!!!!!!!!" I screamed as I punched a hole through the wall 1/2 from his head, and grabbed the sunglasses from his hand. "NEXT TIME ASK IF YOU WANT TO USE THEM!" Then a security guard came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder, "Excuse me." "EEGGNNNNAAAGH!" I screamed as I turned around and punched off his head.

Another time, I arrived at the gym too late, and it was locked. I was extremely mad. I started shaking the doors off their hinges screaming, "LET ME IN!!" I then just simply flexed my pectorial, smashing the doors open.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

Here is another true story that will inspire you to become a body builder.

While I was training for the Mr. Olympia in 1975 I noticed that when I wore my magic sunglasses I could bench press 1000lbs. You can purchase them from me for 80 million dollars.

Here is a picture of me bench pressing with my magic sunglasses.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

Meal 1:
20 Raw Eggs
2 Loaves of Bread
1 Bowl of Austrian Brand Steroids + 4 Litres of Milk
1 Apple
1 Ostrich

Post-Workout Shake:
1 Bottle Austrian Brand Steroids
10 Scoops of Protien Powder
25 Gallons of Milk

Meal 2:
1 Buffalo Head
5 liters Oatmeal

Meal 3:
20 Chickens
10 Baked Potatoes + Sour Cream
1 liter of milk

Meal 4:
1 Cow Leg
10lbs of Raw Salad
25 Bananas

Meal 5:
5 Live Salmon (Swallow Whole)
5lbs Peanut Butter
1 Coconut

Meal 6:
1 10lbs Austrian Peanut

This is what I ate on an average day. Do not try this or your baby stomachs will explode

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

Here is a picture of Franco's car which he only used to drive to the gym

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

I shall now reveal to you my secret body building diet I used in 1975 while preparing for a body building competition. I warn you not to try my ultimate gigantic muscle diet.

Here is a true story why not.

One morning my training partner Franco Columbu and I were headed down to the gym only to find out that it was closed down for renovations. So I said to Franco, "Hey Franco, let's go back to your place so I can pump up my huge muscles." Franco said, "But how Mr. Schwarzenegger , I do not have any equipment there." So I said, "Do not worry, I will show you how to train your baby muscles even when you do not have equipment." So when we arrived at Franco's little baby apartment, I changed into my work-out clothes and then performed my ritual pre-workout 60 minute Austrian howling, shaking the entire building, and causing everyone to scream in fear. I then raised Franco's sofa over my head and began to perform military presses. On my 20th set I accidently smashed it through his ceiling, causing the above apartment to come crumbling down on top of us, and destroying everything in Franco's apartment. I then picked up two huge 100lbs pieces of cement in my gigantic hands and performed 20 sets of lateral raises. Then to finish my workout I went down outside and deadlifted the entire building over onto Franco's car. I said to Franco, "Now that's what I call smashing good fun." At my house I opened up my 20 foot fridge and put the ingredients into my huge blender, and then gave it to Franco. He asked me, "What's in it." I said, "My personal post-workout mix." After taking a drink of it Franco's stomach immediately exploded because his baby stomach was unable to handle it. The ingredients are listed below in my post-workout shake.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

Here is the most revealing secret of all. On the set of Commando I was shooting the scene where I was hiding in the shed. I jumped out, accidenly tripped and flung a saw blade at the director's neck, cutting his head clean off. I then said with a plain face, "That's not a way to get ahead in life." Everyone laughed. But unfortunetley that scene was deleted for some reason.

In Jingle All the Way I had to do a fight scene with the Big Show. I said angerly to the Big Show "Big Show?, more like Keg Show!" I then started to dance around him mockingly singing his theme music, "Well its the Keg Show!, yes its a huge keg of fat tonight!" He then attempted to punch me with his fat fist 1mph, so I blocked it with my pectorial and picked up a huge candy cane and punched it through his gut.

Here's my most secret story of all, I was posting messages on a body building website one time when the fat kids on it did not believe it was acually Arnold Schwarzenegger . So one day
I appeared naked at the foot of one of their bed's. They awoke with a shocked fat baby face at the site of my enormous muscles. I picked up a their monitor that was in their room and smashed it into their horrified face. I then placed their mouse into my mouth and then spit it like a bullet, piercing their soft skin, making that person stick into the wall. "Stick around". I said as I made a protien shake with all of their food and supplements in the kitchen and left.

Atay tuned for many more of my body building tips and life stories.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

Here is a picture of Jesse Ventura balancing awkwardly on his noodle legs.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

Here is the best routine I know of for building titanium glutes.

1st Set: Squat 1000lbs x 50reps x 50sets

Arnold Schwarzenegger story that happened to me on the set of Predator in 1986. I was standing next to Jessie Ventura and during a scene I turned to him and asked him "Why do you have a 300lbs body with no cut and chicken legs?" He then examined my body with a sad face because he knew he had a huge keg that overlaped his belt. Then later that night I was bench pressing an 800lbs tiger carcass I found in the jungle in my tent when I noticed Jessie Ventura peeking in my tent with his huge chin. He was taking notes of my perfect form, so all of a sudden I picked up the tiger carcass over my head and screamed "GEET OOOOOOUUUUUTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!" and whipped the tiger carcass at him but he blocked it with his huge chin.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

Mee one day after taking austrian steroids!