Arnolds Body Building Tips!

ASchwarzenegger

Hello all you noodle kegs,

This shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as I'm getting old and senile I may not recall everyting precisely.

Here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym. When I was shooting the movie Twins, I did not have time to go to any gym. So I improvisied by using Danny Devito as a barbell curl. He got mad sometimes when I started to bench press his bed while he was sleeping in it.

Also I took my morning nude dip in the nearby pond when I saw a pervert taking pictures of me. So I did a cardiovascular workout punching his stomach until he shit out the fat from his keg.

Also in 1984 on the set of Preditor I looked over at Carl Weathers and said "Why do you have 8 foot long arms?" he then replied "Why do you have an 8 foot chest?" HAHAHA, we bothed laughed for 5 hours after that.

When I was training in 1980 for a body building contest I started to flex my huge calves in the mirror, I turned to Franco and said " How do you like my huge calves?" Franco just stared at my legs with a sad face because he knew he only had noodle legs, and he knew the only reason he was in a body building competition is because hes a giant leach on my ass. Thats why I cut him off of Austrian steroids, and hes turned into a fat noodle keg.

Here are some photos for your collection.

Mee a age 12

Leolaia

Hmm. What brings the Governator to JWD?

Is it cuz JWs/ex-JWs are all girlie men?

ASchwarzenegger

Mee at 12

Leolaia

BTW, can you give me a tax cut?

ASchwarzenegger

Here is a bicep routine that you should do if you want to have mountainis peaks like mine.

1st set: super set 300lb concentration curls with 550lb close grip bench press. Do 25 sets of these.

Here is a true story that will inspire you to be a body builder.

When I was 7 years old in Austria, I was sitting at the table with my father for breakfast. He flexed his arm and said to me "How do you like my huge biceps son?" I replied with a plain face by saying "They are very mountainis peaks. But why do you only train your arms and nothing else daddy?" My father laughed and said, "Because I am not a big fat body builder son." I then replied "One day I am going to be the greatest body builder of all time and move to America to become the greatest action hero movie star of all time." My father looked at me and laughed and said "Better start traning those 18" baby biceps and 4 foot baby chest son." But how could I do this, I was seven and I only had a 4 foot chest and 18" biceps? My fathers 10 foot chest and huge arms intimidated me. My father then slammed a container of Austrain Steroids on the table and screamed at me "EAT THIS SON!" So after that I made sure to poor a huge bowl of Austrian steroids for breakfast every day. We then got ready to go to the local gym. As my father left the kitchen and stuggled to fit his 10 foot chest out the front door I quickly finished my steroids and felt the instant energy boost. I then strapped my family on to my back as I normally did every morning, but this time I felt stronger so I decided to run even faster than before. It only took me 2 hours to run up the 10 mile mountain to the gym with my family on my back. Hahaha. Thats how I turned my 4 foot baby chest and 18" noodle biceps when I was 7 into my 8 foot chest and huge arms today.

ASchwarzenegger

Mee one day after taking austrian steroids!

ASchwarzenegger

Here is the best routine I know of for building titanium glutes.

1st Set: Squat 1000lbs x 50reps x 50sets

Arnold Schwarzenegger story that happened to me on the set of Predator in 1986. I was standing next to Jessie Ventura and during a scene I turned to him and asked him "Why do you have a 300lbs body with no cut and chicken legs?" He then examined my body with a sad face because he knew he had a huge keg that overlaped his belt. Then later that night I was bench pressing an 800lbs tiger carcass I found in the jungle in my tent when I noticed Jessie Ventura peeking in my tent with his huge chin. He was taking notes of my perfect form, so all of a sudden I picked up the tiger carcass over my head and screamed "GEET OOOOOOUUUUUTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!" and whipped the tiger carcass at him but he blocked it with his huge chin.

ASchwarzenegger

Here is a picture of Jesse Ventura balancing awkwardly on his noodle legs.

ASchwarzenegger

Here is the most revealing secret of all. On the set of Commando I was shooting the scene where I was hiding in the shed. I jumped out, accidenly tripped and flung a saw blade at the director's neck, cutting his head clean off. I then said with a plain face, "That's not a way to get ahead in life." Everyone laughed. But unfortunetley that scene was deleted for some reason.

In Jingle All the Way I had to do a fight scene with the Big Show. I said angerly to the Big Show "Big Show?, more like Keg Show!" I then started to dance around him mockingly singing his theme music, "Well its the Keg Show!, yes its a huge keg of fat tonight!" He then attempted to punch me with his fat fist 1mph, so I blocked it with my pectorial and picked up a huge candy cane and punched it through his gut.

Here's my most secret story of all, I was posting messages on a body building website one time when the fat kids on it did not believe it was acually Arnold Schwarzenegger . So one day
I appeared naked at the foot of one of their bed's. They awoke with a shocked fat baby face at the site of my enormous muscles. I picked up a their monitor that was in their room and smashed it into their horrified face. I then placed their mouse into my mouth and then spit it like a bullet, piercing their soft skin, making that person stick into the wall. "Stick around". I said as I made a protien shake with all of their food and supplements in the kitchen and left.

Atay tuned for many more of my body building tips and life stories.

ASchwarzenegger

I shall now reveal to you my secret body building diet I used in 1975 while preparing for a body building competition. I warn you not to try my ultimate gigantic muscle diet.

Here is a true story why not.

One morning my training partner Franco Columbu and I were headed down to the gym only to find out that it was closed down for renovations. So I said to Franco, "Hey Franco, let's go back to your place so I can pump up my huge muscles." Franco said, "But how Mr. Schwarzenegger , I do not have any equipment there." So I said, "Do not worry, I will show you how to train your baby muscles even when you do not have equipment." So when we arrived at Franco's little baby apartment, I changed into my work-out clothes and then performed my ritual pre-workout 60 minute Austrian howling, shaking the entire building, and causing everyone to scream in fear. I then raised Franco's sofa over my head and began to perform military presses. On my 20th set I accidently smashed it through his ceiling, causing the above apartment to come crumbling down on top of us, and destroying everything in Franco's apartment. I then picked up two huge 100lbs pieces of cement in my gigantic hands and performed 20 sets of lateral raises. Then to finish my workout I went down outside and deadlifted the entire building over onto Franco's car. I said to Franco, "Now that's what I call smashing good fun." At my house I opened up my 20 foot fridge and put the ingredients into my huge blender, and then gave it to Franco. He asked me, "What's in it." I said, "My personal post-workout mix." After taking a drink of it Franco's stomach immediately exploded because his baby stomach was unable to handle it. The ingredients are listed below in my post-workout shake.

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

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