Posts by ASchwarzenegger

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

Here is one of the transcripts during my audition for the role of Chewbacca.

I walked into the room naked except for wearing a Chewbacca mask and screamed, "RRRGGGAAAAHHHH!!"I then noticed George Lucas had a huge keg and walked over to him and said, "You should work-out more." And poked his keg. He said, "The only work-out I do is this." And took a bite of a huge Star Wars chocolate bar. The next day I came back for the role of Darth Vader. I got dressed up in costume and began my role. I said, "Luke, I am your fa-. EEEENNNNNEEAAA!!!" As I whipped out my huge magnum and shot a random noodle keg in the corner eating a donut. Then said, "Can I do this in the movie?" George Lucas said, "No. Get out." On my way out I whipped out a real lightsaber and chucked it like a boomerang towards George Lucas. But he blocked it with his force powers and floated out of the building while surrounded in a protective bubble.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

One time I was headed for a body building competion. I ran out on stage beacause I was late and began to scream and pose. I then realised that I was standing in the middle of a children's spelling B competion. I laughed out loud and said to a fat sweaty brat who was about to spell a word in the microphone, "Spell this!" And flexed my huge arms towards him. I breathed in a deep breath while I flexed and sucked him towards me, then exhaled and blew him off the stage.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

That was a pic of my twin brother Barnold who did a stand in for me. I was unavailable at the time for photo pic.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

One day I ate pure yogurt, and this is a picture of me uncontrollibly taking a huge yogurt shit while doing reverse preacher curls.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

Here are some more photos from my personal photo album.

Here is a picture of me very happy to receive my 8th grade equivalency diploma at age 53.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

Here is a true story about my quest for an Ostrich egg.

One morning, I noticed I was out of Ostrich eggs. So I went to my backyard farm to get some, but Franco had stolen my flock of Ostriches. So I travelled out to the country to find an Ostrich, I finally found one, guarding an egg. I couldn't go up and take it, because I would have got cut by it's huge Ostrich claw. So I dressed up as an Ostrich and started walking towards it. The ostrich caught a glimpse of my giant steroid legs poking out of my costume, and was afraid because it knew it only had noodle bird legs. I stood up and started flapping my huge Ostrich wings and screamed, "GIVE ME THE DAMN EGG!!!!!!" The wind from my flaps flew the bird away into the sky. I then cracked open the gigantic egg and drank a half underdevolped baby ostrich.

When I came back to my ranch, I noticed the World Wildlife Fund had found out about my farm, and had confiscated all of my animals. I could no longer eat my precious silver back gorilla meat. And they had taken my only living dodo, which lays me it's precious egg every morning. Then I noticed my pet bird Tweety's cage was empty, they had taken him. "NNNNNNOOOOOO!!!!!! TWEEEEEETTYYYYY!!!!" But I then noticed he was only at the bottom of the cage taking a dump.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

This is another secret story of my life.

Once, In 1973, I got in a fight with Bruce Lee. I simply stood there as he attacked me for 25 minutes and was unable to penatrate my massive muscle tissue. He attempted to kick me in the groin but his foot got stuck between my massive thighs. I squeezed my thighs together, breaking his leg and then I simply blew him away with a massive scream, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!".

Here is a story on how important sleep is.

One morning at 5am, I was sleeping, and a fat bird woke me up with it's constant fat cheeping for 30mins. So the next morning I was prepared, and waited with a huge shotgun, and when it landed on my windowsill and started to cheep with it's fat face, I had a change of heart as I noticed it's bird legs. So I started to train it with little birdy aerobics, and called him Tweety, and invited him into the gym with me. One time I gave the bird to Franco to hold onto in the gym, and it was contstantly cheeping in his ear while he was doing squats. He got so annoyed he let it go, I screamed at him to find Tweety. We searched the city all day, until I finally noticed it pearched 20 feet on top of a statue. Then I said, "Come here my little friend." And I inhaled him towards me with my giant lung. And accidently swallowed it.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

Here is a new true story that will inspire you to become an actor like me.

During the movie Twins, I was studying the noodle keg habits of Danny DeVito, secretly following him around. He would get up in the morning, eat a bag of chips, then go back to bed. So one day while filming I asked him, "Don't you care that you have a giant keg?" He responded, "No." And took a bite of a huge Klondike bar. The next day we filmed the scene where I was to deadlift the car. But the secret is that I was actually deadlifting Danny DeVito's keg.

Here is a picture of Danny DeVito trying to balance with his huge keg.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

Here is a true story.

While I was training in the gym one day, Franco Columbu was following me around constantly asking questions about everything I did, with a little baby notepad. It got so annoying so I loaded a bar with weight to do barbell curls, after my last rep I yelled "SHHHHUUUTTTT UPPPP!!" and through the bar at Franco, as he grabbed it in his baby hands, I came up and broke his neck. Luckily for him it was only a fracture.

Here is another true story when I first came to America, which will inspire you to grow gigantic lats like me.

I was on a plane, and they didn't have enough protien. So I asked the stuardess for more peanuts, because the peanuts were too small. But she said they didn't have any left because I ate all of them. So I started to scream, "GIVE ME SOME PEANUTS!!! GET ME SOME PROTIEN!!" Everyone started crying. I took huge Austrian stomps towards the back of the plane and started eating everyone's food. I then noticed a mother breast feeding her baby on the other side of the plane. So I ran towards them with a happy face screaming, "AAAAHHH!!!" I picked up the baby and said move aside baby cheeks. I grabbed and squeezed the milk out of her like a hose into my mouth. I then began searching the plane for more protien. I noticed people's pets locked up in cages in the storage area. I saw a squirrel in a cage eating a peanut. "THIS IS MINE NOW!" I attempted to grab the peanut from the squirrel but it escaped towards the cockpit, I chased it down while stomping, jiggling the plane, and started smashing all the controls trying to capture the squirrel. The plane started flying around out of control, so I jumped out of the plane and used my huge lats as a cape and glided down to safety.

Here is another true story of my first time working out in an american gym.

While I was about to bench press 1000lbs, I noticed my magic sunglasses were stolen. I noticed Franco in the corner using them. So I stood up, and floated towards him 100mph screaming, "GIVE ME BACK MY SUNGLASSES!!!" He was staring at me with the most horrified face. All of a sudden everything turned red. And I levitated 10 feet into the air, pointed at him and said, "YOU!" And continued to float towards him with an enraged face, then pinched his cheek. "Phew..." Said Franco. "HHHIIIIIIYYYYYAAAA!!!!!!!!" I screamed as I punched a hole through the wall 1/2 from his head, and grabbed the sunglasses from his hand. "NEXT TIME ASK IF YOU WANT TO USE THEM!" Then a security guard came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder, "Excuse me." "EEGGNNNNAAAGH!" I screamed as I turned around and punched off his head.

Another time, I arrived at the gym too late, and it was locked. I was extremely mad. I started shaking the doors off their hinges screaming, "LET ME IN!!" I then just simply flexed my pectorial, smashing the doors open.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

Here is another true story that will inspire you to become a body builder.

While I was training for the Mr. Olympia in 1975 I noticed that when I wore my magic sunglasses I could bench press 1000lbs. You can purchase them from me for 80 million dollars.

Here is a picture of me bench pressing with my magic sunglasses.