Posts by ASchwarzenegger

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

Dis will show you how to build 10ft chest!

6

Weight, Health, & Exercise

by patio34 in

having been a yo-yo dieter for decades and being 20-30 pounds overweight now, i have reached some conclusions that follow.

what do you think (it goes without saying i want opinions or else why start a thread?)?.

1. recent press statements indicate overweight isn't nearly as harmful to health/longevity as previously thought.. 2. the more i diet, the fatter i get.. 3. having done considerable geneaology, all but one of my ancestresses i've seen photos of (four g-g-mothers) for the past 100 years were considerably overweight (indicating possible genetic predispostion).. 4. not interested in finding a "mate.".

ASchwarzenegger

You are lifting to many baby weights and not enough giant 10ft chest builders!

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

Here is a story that will inspire you to become a body builder.

One time at the gym, Franco decided to leave early and did not want to spot me. I looked around the gym and could not find him. I then noticed him peaking across the gym at me with a horrified face as he left through the back entrance. I then started to run across the gym after him, taking giant stomps with a plain face. I chased him into the parking lot and jumped onto the hood of his car as he was backing out. I then smashed my face through the windshield and said, "Get out." with a plain face. "Holy Shit! Whatever you want! Just don't hurt me!" He exclaimed. I replied in a very low tone, "Aaaaaaah." He said, "What the fuck's your problem!?" I then smashed my fist through Franco's driver's side window and pulled him out, holding him in the air by his throat. I said, "I need you to spot my benchpress for one set." And through him into the gym. While he was flying across the parking lot his shorts got caught on a car antennae causing him to all of a sudden smash into the gym naked. But when I got back into the gym, he was not there. He had escaped again. So I ran out 200mph to his house with my huge legs and knocked on his door. He opened it a crack with the chain lock on. I then asked, "Franco Columbu?" He said, "Yes?" I then slammed open the door with an enraged face, pulled out my magnum while walking towards him aimed at his face. He then shit his pants at the site of my huge magnum with the most horrified baby face you can imagine. I then shot around his head 100mph with my huge 85 round clip.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

Here is one of the transcripts during my audition for the role of Chewbacca.

I walked into the room naked except for wearing a Chewbacca mask and screamed, "RRRGGGAAAAHHHH!!"I then noticed George Lucas had a huge keg and walked over to him and said, "You should work-out more." And poked his keg. He said, "The only work-out I do is this." And took a bite of a huge Star Wars chocolate bar. The next day I came back for the role of Darth Vader. I got dressed up in costume and began my role. I said, "Luke, I am your fa-. EEEENNNNNEEAAA!!!" As I whipped out my huge magnum and shot a random noodle keg in the corner eating a donut. Then said, "Can I do this in the movie?" George Lucas said, "No. Get out." On my way out I whipped out a real lightsaber and chucked it like a boomerang towards George Lucas. But he blocked it with his force powers and floated out of the building while surrounded in a protective bubble.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

One time I was headed for a body building competion. I ran out on stage beacause I was late and began to scream and pose. I then realised that I was standing in the middle of a children's spelling B competion. I laughed out loud and said to a fat sweaty brat who was about to spell a word in the microphone, "Spell this!" And flexed my huge arms towards him. I breathed in a deep breath while I flexed and sucked him towards me, then exhaled and blew him off the stage.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

That was a pic of my twin brother Barnold who did a stand in for me. I was unavailable at the time for photo pic.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

One day I ate pure yogurt, and this is a picture of me uncontrollibly taking a huge yogurt shit while doing reverse preacher curls.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

Here are some more photos from my personal photo album.

Here is a picture of me very happy to receive my 8th grade equivalency diploma at age 53.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

Here is a true story about my quest for an Ostrich egg.

One morning, I noticed I was out of Ostrich eggs. So I went to my backyard farm to get some, but Franco had stolen my flock of Ostriches. So I travelled out to the country to find an Ostrich, I finally found one, guarding an egg. I couldn't go up and take it, because I would have got cut by it's huge Ostrich claw. So I dressed up as an Ostrich and started walking towards it. The ostrich caught a glimpse of my giant steroid legs poking out of my costume, and was afraid because it knew it only had noodle bird legs. I stood up and started flapping my huge Ostrich wings and screamed, "GIVE ME THE DAMN EGG!!!!!!" The wind from my flaps flew the bird away into the sky. I then cracked open the gigantic egg and drank a half underdevolped baby ostrich.

When I came back to my ranch, I noticed the World Wildlife Fund had found out about my farm, and had confiscated all of my animals. I could no longer eat my precious silver back gorilla meat. And they had taken my only living dodo, which lays me it's precious egg every morning. Then I noticed my pet bird Tweety's cage was empty, they had taken him. "NNNNNNOOOOOO!!!!!! TWEEEEEETTYYYYY!!!!" But I then noticed he was only at the bottom of the cage taking a dump.

30

Arnolds Body Building Tips!

by ASchwarzenegger in

hello all you noodle kegs,.

this shall be my thread of revealing my secret training tips, because as i'm getting old and senile i may not recall everyting precisely.. .

here is some tips on how to work out when your not around a gym.

ASchwarzenegger

This is another secret story of my life.

Once, In 1973, I got in a fight with Bruce Lee. I simply stood there as he attacked me for 25 minutes and was unable to penatrate my massive muscle tissue. He attempted to kick me in the groin but his foot got stuck between my massive thighs. I squeezed my thighs together, breaking his leg and then I simply blew him away with a massive scream, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!".

Here is a story on how important sleep is.

One morning at 5am, I was sleeping, and a fat bird woke me up with it's constant fat cheeping for 30mins. So the next morning I was prepared, and waited with a huge shotgun, and when it landed on my windowsill and started to cheep with it's fat face, I had a change of heart as I noticed it's bird legs. So I started to train it with little birdy aerobics, and called him Tweety, and invited him into the gym with me. One time I gave the bird to Franco to hold onto in the gym, and it was contstantly cheeping in his ear while he was doing squats. He got so annoyed he let it go, I screamed at him to find Tweety. We searched the city all day, until I finally noticed it pearched 20 feet on top of a statue. Then I said, "Come here my little friend." And I inhaled him towards me with my giant lung. And accidently swallowed it.