I have plucked up the courage after 33 years to look into why I am what I am. This has all happend since 8/10/05. I am Hardworking and driven but caring, family man (in the health profession). I have been through "hell" in the last 12 months, resulting in a near divorce/nervous breakdown & becoming suicidal (for the first time since leaving "truth"). Counselling (since June) has established that a JW upbringing has accounted for much my low self esteem and subsequent continual near self destruct pattern of behaviour as an adult (including one failed relationship after another). I have established that having an Violent Alcoholic Womanizing (subsequently DF'd as an "Elder") JW father who left my JW mother the day I was born (& I never saw him again) WASNT my fault. I left "truth" nearly 16 years ago (now 33) but everything still haunts me. The only thing he (literally) ever gave me was rare genetic condition which killed his 26 yr old daughter (my half sister, who I didnt meet until his funeral) on my 30th Birthday. I have had loadsa scans and 3 operations and will be taking medication for the rest of my life. There is also a 50% chance I have passed it to my daughter. He celebrated Xmas's and Birthdays and lived in same area, and I NEVER once got contacted. NICE man. I am in the ANGER stage at the moment. I was considering Hypnotherapy last week and plucked up the courage to come on these sites instead. What I have learned has rocked my world (after all this time I STILL believed in Armageddon and that I could pray to Jehovah in times of need = Fear, fear and a bit more fear with some guilt thrown in!!!!!). Wot shook me the most was the pictures of the graves of the founders which shows they had a belief in the occult and also the 1975 thing. Dont EVEN get me started on the UN thing. I grew up in the 70's & 80's and that was never ever ever mentioned. The "truth" has also torn my family apart as I will probably never speak to my DF'd brother (his choice) because of the way he treats my mum (and blames me). Loads more to tell and contribute and hopefully help others. Lots of "worldly" love to you all....