Daniel the more I read your post the more I think you may be daeling with a possible anxiety disorder for the moment. Please don't take the phrase "anxiety disorded" as an offense. I dislike psychological terminology myself. "Anxiety disorder" really just means a hyped up stress response. I'm reading between the lines of what you write and it sound like your very stressed. Anxiety is VERY common among jw's and ex-jw's.
One of the things that tend to trigger this in us is too much thinking. Your so worried right now. I think it may be helpful to you to look into some relaxation programs, books, etc. Relaxation/anti-stress methods help a great deal with this.
You may want to consider putting all this thinking aside for the time being. Really it isn't going anywhere. You can always run yourself in circles with it at anytime. But the wrong time is when your already in a stressed state. My advice is to consider putting your worry on the shelf. Focus on relaxation methods and use them everyday without fail. Get the stress under control first (assuming i'm corect about this). Come back to all the thinking after this.
As far as all the thinking goes I think your taking too many burdens on at once. Your asking yourself too many questions that are difficult to answer. What happens is the following;
You ask yourself a question that your in conflict about. Because your in conflict you can't come to a satisfactory answer. This gives you stress from the lack of resolution. With no answer resolved you jump to the next internal conflict, start questioning the next dillema your worried about, and thereby bring your anxiety state up to level 2. Since the second worry can't be resolved right away you move on to the ment unresolved question, repeat the process, and bring yourself to stress level 3. In your mind you keep going around in circles pondering too many difficult questions. When you go through the whole list of these conficts/questions you return to the first on the list only to repeat the whole process again.
This is what i'm guessing is going on in your mind. You may think it's a lot of work to have to read some books on destressing methods and the like. Trust me it's worth your time and effort. Been there done that. You may want to research supplements that lower stress levels too. Different ones work for different people.
Try putting your questions to the side as much a possible. If there are any that you have to deal with at the moment then deal with those few only. But running around in circles with too many questions you can't answer at once really can drive you over the edge. I've seen ex-jw's do this. We tend to think too much as it is.
I have a question. Are you dealing with depression at all right now?