Posts by daniel-p

15

Taylor Swift owes me a new shirt this morning

by Mickey mouse in

jw
friends

go listen to the opening verse of the smallest man who ever lived..

daniel-p

Such bad lyrics... I think she must hire a 13 year old to write them

14

The coup against Tony Morris in order to make major changes?

by Badfish in

it’s been a long time since i’ve kept up with anything jw-related.

but just a couple days ago, i heard about all the new changes—beards, shunning, etc.

i was surprised, so i asked an old friend who i hadn’t spoken to in ages what happened.

Well most certainly He accepted some sort of payout or house or pension on the condition that he sign an NDA. Highly doubt we will ever hear from him again unless some brave eXJW soul carts over a few boxes of McAllen whiskey and get some talking that way.

108

Who really is the Faithful and Discreet Slave? The recent changes and the Governing Body's 10 year plan

by redsetter2 in

i am sure we were all shocked at the governing body update #2 with the unusual and impulsive changes set forth.. i am an insider at whq, and when i was on reddit and in communication with avoidjw i explained to the best of my ability that the approach on disfellowshipping was going to change based on the new light at the 2023 agm, that the jubilee rumor was false, and there were going to be changes on how jws approached disfellowshipping in response to the norway situation if it didn't turn out in watchtower's favor.

the decision came because of a legal blow to watchtower, not because "holy spirit" wad directing a faithful slave, who is going to become the "evil slave", more explanation on this soon.. everything i stated came true.

i left reddit exjw community due to the immature and mentally unstable nature there, and yet as has been the case my words came true.

daniel-p

Encouraging people to call Bethel to confirm your identity sounds very reckless. Wouldn't it be a little suspicious having several people call about something like that?

Also, I've never EVER heard any Bethelite refer to Bethel as "WHQ." I am a former Bethelite, my brother has been a Bethelite for around 25 years, and I've never referred it as WHQ.

29

Beards vs. Shunning announcements

by slimboyfat in

during lett’s announcement that beards are now allowed he elaborated at some length how brothers ought to feel and react to the change in policy.

he warned brothers not to resent not being able to grow beards earlier if they had wished to do so.

he also warned brothers who supported the old policy not to allow themselves to wonder what the point of doing so was now that it has changed.

daniel-p

Eh, I didn't read into it as closely. I think they lumped these changes together, to take the heat and focus off of the DF'd communication change, which is a way, way bigger deal that is sure to confuse and enrage a lot of people.

108

Who really is the Faithful and Discreet Slave? The recent changes and the Governing Body's 10 year plan

by redsetter2 in

i am sure we were all shocked at the governing body update #2 with the unusual and impulsive changes set forth.. i am an insider at whq, and when i was on reddit and in communication with avoidjw i explained to the best of my ability that the approach on disfellowshipping was going to change based on the new light at the 2023 agm, that the jubilee rumor was false, and there were going to be changes on how jws approached disfellowshipping in response to the norway situation if it didn't turn out in watchtower's favor.

the decision came because of a legal blow to watchtower, not because "holy spirit" wad directing a faithful slave, who is going to become the "evil slave", more explanation on this soon.. everything i stated came true.

i left reddit exjw community due to the immature and mentally unstable nature there, and yet as has been the case my words came true.

daniel-p

There is no way in hell they would adopt those sex policy changes. No way, no how, not in a hundred years. That's where I draw the line. The only thing I might see them lightening up on is what a married couple do with each other behind closed doors.

I do see them making a lot of the other changes, though. Definitely regarding some of the "soft holidays" and birthdays. I definitely also see them simplifying prophetic teachings, since their entire dogma has been dumbed down massively already over the past 20 years.

Yes on tattoos and piercings. Those things are fully accepted in the younger generations, being mainstream. You can have piercings now anyway and it's not going to get you DFd. Maybe restricted from "priveleges," but they're not that big a deal, so it isn't a stretch that they'd eventually give up on it completely.

I don't understand the paragraph on the "Evil Slave" at all. Not sure what the message on that is.

Yes on all the publishing/assembly changes.

And yes on the dynamic changing with the CO and elders. If they want to appoint more elders and MSs (the "worker bees" of the org), their standards will have to come down (as if they aren't low enough already). And if that's the case, they'd need the COs to be proactively involved in appointments and take on more responsibility in that respect. Interesting about the permanence of the CO in a given region. Almost reminds me of the role of a bishop in the catholic and orthodox churches.

7

Wow! Been a long time...

by daniel-p in

jw
friends

wow!

it's been... lemme check... 8 years since i logged in here!

(and 18 years since first coming here as i was in the middle of my crisis of conscience) .

daniel-p

Thanks, everyone. It's been nuts coming here and reading about the latest changes. It's clear the GB is desperately trying to reinvent the organization into something very different. Wild times!

7

Wow! Been a long time...

by daniel-p in

jw
friends

wow!

it's been... lemme check... 8 years since i logged in here!

(and 18 years since first coming here as i was in the middle of my crisis of conscience) .

daniel-p

Wow! It's been... lemme check... 8 years since I logged in here! (And 18 years since first coming here as I was in the middle of my crisis of conscience)

And right off the bat, I see the same faces.

How's everyone doing?!

26

The Pain of Coming to a Decision

by daniel-p in

jw
friends

it's been at least a couple years since i've posted anything on here, and much longer than that since when i was active.

ten years ago i first came here all in turmoil over my disillusionment of my beliefs.

i've been through lots of ups and downs since then.

daniel-p

Thanks everyone, so much, for your words of encouragement. I've re-read everything and pondered what everyone has to say. I did express to my wife some of the things I was feeling, and we had a very tough, honest and emotionally draining discussion. It's clear that she will not yield in her beliefs and will continue teaching our kids. We understand the fact that a major connection between us is missing because of it. She doesn't respect my lack of faith and she thinks I disdain her beliefs. I told her that no matter what happens to us, I will always love and respect her. I don't know if that will be enough. We have been married 13 years and have been through so much. I have a lot of affection for her and she has been a safe place for me for a long time. But we are not connecting and haven't been connecting for years. I don't look forward to making love to her and do not feel passionately with her. She has told me that she is not sure that being with me since I've left the truth has made her a better person. We confided in each other that we've both thought of dying. I will seek counseling for us through my employers program, as soon as we get back from vacation. In my heart of hearts, I want to leave and feel connected and drawn to someone again, but there is infinite sorrow that I would be leaving my children as well, and I'm not strong enough to make that decision.

26

The Pain of Coming to a Decision

by daniel-p in

jw
friends

it's been at least a couple years since i've posted anything on here, and much longer than that since when i was active.

ten years ago i first came here all in turmoil over my disillusionment of my beliefs.

i've been through lots of ups and downs since then.

daniel-p

Thanks, everyone, for your help and kind words. I'm carefully reading and giving thought to what everyone has to say.

26

The Pain of Coming to a Decision

by daniel-p in

jw
friends

it's been at least a couple years since i've posted anything on here, and much longer than that since when i was active.

ten years ago i first came here all in turmoil over my disillusionment of my beliefs.

i've been through lots of ups and downs since then.

daniel-p

Hello everyone,

It's been at least a couple years since I've posted anything on here, and much longer than that since when I was active. Ten years ago I first came here all in turmoil over my disillusionment of my beliefs. I've been through lots of ups and downs since then. My leaving the "truth" was very difficult for my wife. Over the years, she has become less active, but still believes in it. I made a decision to not try to break her faith because I believed that that was part of respecting her and compromising. I wanted to help make up for the fact that I was the one who changed, not her. She had a couple of emotional affairs and that also brought us a lot of pain, although I never doubted that she loved me--at least not until that one time when we were arguing and I asked her and she said she thought she did love me but didn't know if she felt it anymore. That was five years ago, and she was pregnant with our first child at the time.

Since then, things have generally been better between us, and I do trust her. Mostly, we have been incredibly busy raising our children (we had a second last year), and like all parents, it's been hard to give each other as much attention as before. I am not very open with her, "emotionally unavailable," and generally just not that interested in our relationship and bored. I don't know if it's the kids that took it away from us, or the continued underlying tension of my non-believing status. We have always had a mismatch of needs in the bedroom, and although we do enjoy each others' company, I have grown more and more impatient and intolerant of her and she of me.

In the past year I have made a lot of life improvements, most notably accepting a great new job in a new town (a place where we lived before while we were both going to school), taking up running in earnest, losing over 20 pounds (experiencing the unbridled joy of not having any clothes that are small enough), and finally going on anti-depressants after struggling with depression for as long as I can remember. The drugs are definitely not a panacea for the dark places in my mind, but life is better without them.

The biggest life decision we have made since me leaving the "truth" was in having kids. I thought we had reached an understanding; that she knew I would never be a JW again, and that I wouldn't mind if she taught our kids about Jehovah and what's right and wrong in the eyes of the Watchtower. I had confidence that eventually, our kids would make their own decision about whether to believe of not. What I didn't realize was that kids will believe nearly everything you tell them. So until they are old enough to have their own crisis of faith and disillusionment, they will believe in Jehovah, that celebrating Christmas is bad, etc. I like Christmas and the holidays. This last Thanksgiving, I asked my wife to come with me to an extended family gathering with a huge Thanksgiving spread. It was a lovely experience, and I think she enjoyed it, too. But that was just Thanksgiving. I doubt she would have gone along with it if it was a less innocuous holiday. The main reason why she went along with it, however, was because I had previously opened up to her, after a series of tense arguments and sleepless nights, that the reason why I was so emotionally distant was that maybe I was feeling bored, uninterested, and that maybe I was having trouble feeling in love. This after she would plead with me to tell her what was on my mind, hugging me and asking me if I still loved her and whether I wasn't bored with her, over and over again through the years. In those moments of course I told her I loved her, but each time I felt it a little less and less. There was a time when I yearned to feel close to her and she always felt out of my reach. Now, I no longer have that yearning.

My five-year-old asks me why we don't celebrate Christmas. I point at Santa in commercials and ask her if she knows who he is. She says "that's Christmas, that's bad." I ask her what she would think if we celebrated Christmas with a tree and all the twinkly lights and presents. After giving it some thought, she claps her hands and her eyes sparkle and says it would be fun. I get angry with her when I tell her to clean up the toys in the living room several times and she doesn't do it. She scowls at me and says I'm being grumpy and that I better be careful because that will make Satan happy. I finally get her to clean up her toys and wonder how it will be when the stakes are higher, when she has a JW boyfriend and I'm not allowed to meet his parents because I'm an apostate. Or when she's in high school and starts to slow down in her studies because "what's the world worth, anyway." My son clings to my legs, crying to be picked up.

My wife asked me if she wanted her to quit. To quit going to the meetings? She already doesn't go to hardly any meetings. She went out in service last six months ago. She went to the last assembly, but only for one day. It's too hard for her to keep it up when I don't go with her and help. It was always like that. I dragged her down. I've always been the weight around her neck. She's never told me that, but I know. She asked me if I wanted her to quit, and I said how could I ever ask you that, that I didn't think that's what someone who loves another person would do. But now I wonder if that was all just a cop-out on my part. Maybe I didn't want to be the one to have to leave. Maybe I didn't want to suffer the anguish of being the one to walk out and be the deadbeat husband that I was told my father was.

So here I am, thinking of doing the unthinkable of giving her an ultimatum. She needs to decide what she wants. If she doesn't do anything with her faith, why teach it to our kids? Why must my baby girl not celebrate birthdays or Christmas? Just because that's how we grew up, but don't care enough about anymore to live our lives in accordance with our old faith? What about when it comes to blood? Who's going to decide whether or not she gets a blood transfusion if she needs it? Is she going to be indoctrinated against blood and then suffer the agony and guilt of personal defilement when her father tells the doctors to administer the transfusion?

I don't want any part of it. I thought I could live with it, before. I thought I could compromise. But I was wrong. I was wrong about myself and my ability to stagger on in the wilderness of my own spiritual void, forever and perfectly alone. I have grown numb, laying at her side in bed. Spooning her and feeling the softness of her skin and the warmth of her body, but none of the relief of having arrived at where I need to be after out wandering for so long.

If I leave it will only bring sadness and pain. I've had it done to me before. I confide in coworkers and they say every person reacts differently and that it's not rational to think I will recreate the same experience I had being a child of divorce. But there is something inside me that knows it's a lie, that there is no unselfish decision to make. If it wasn't for the kids, I know I would leave. If it wasn't for the kids, I might very well take it a step further....

I haven't given up hope that things can be better. I know for certain that I want no part in JWism. None of it. I don't want it around me. I am not going to the memorial next year. I don't want my kids to be indoctrinated. I want them to have a full life. Whether I was right or wrong for choosing to have kids in a divided household, I know these things now, and I have to be decisive.