This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I
found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:
John: Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary.
Mary: Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us.
Me: Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would I
want to kiss his ass?
John: If you kiss Hank's ass, he'll give you a million dollars; and if
you don't, he'll kick the shit out of you.
Me: What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?
John: Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank
owns this town. He can do whatever he wants, and what he wants is to give
you a million dollars, but he can't until you kiss his ass.
Me: That doesn't make any sense. Why...
Mary: Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million
dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?
Me: Well maybe, if it's legit, but...
John: Then come kiss Hank's ass with us!
Me: Do you kiss Hank's ass often?
Mary: Oh yes, all the time...
Me: And has he given you a million dollars?
John: Well... no, you don't actually get the money until you leave town.
Me: So why don't you just leave town now?
Mary: You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the money
and he kicks the shit out of you.
Me: Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's ass, left town, and got the
million dollars?
John: My mother kissed Hank's ass for years. She left town last year,
and I'm sure she got the money.
Me: Haven't you talked to her since then?
John: Of course not! Hank doesn't allow it.
Me: So what makes you think he'll actually give you the money if you've
never talked to anyone who got the money?
Mary: Well, he gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get
a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty
dollar bill on the street.
Me: What's that got to do with Hank?
John: Hank has certain 'connections.'
Me: I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game.
John: But it's a million dollars, can your really take the chance? And
remember, if you don't kiss Hank's ass he'll kick the shit out of you.
Me: Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to him, get the details straight from
him.
Mary: No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank.
Me: Then how do you kiss his ass?
John: Sometimes we just blow him a kiss, and think of his ass. Other
times we kiss Karl's ass, and he passes it on.
Me: Who's Karl?
Mary: A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing
Hank's ass. All we had to do was take him out ot dinner a few times.
Me: And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that
Hank wanted you to kiss his ass, and that Hank would reward you?
John: Oh no! Do you think we're fools? Karl has a letter he got from
Hank years ago explaining the whole thing. Here's a copy; see for
yourself.
From the Desk of...Karl
*****
1. Kiss hank's ass and he'll give you a million dollars when you leave
town.
2. Drink alcohol only in moderation.
3. Kick the shit out of people who aren't like you.
4. Eat right.
5. Hank dictated this list himself.
6. The moon is made of green cheese.
7. Everything Hank says is right.
8. Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
9. Don't drink alcohol.
10. Eat your wieners on buns; no condiments.
11. Kiss Hank's ass or he'll kick the shit out of you.
Me: This appears to be written on Karl's letterhead, not Hank's.
Mary: Hank didn't have any paper.
Me: I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's
handwriting too.
John: Of course! Hank dictated it.
Me: I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?
Mary: Not now, but years ago he would talk to some people.
Me: I thought you said he was a philanthropist. What sort of
philanthropist kicks the shit out of people just because they're
different?
Mary: It's what Hank wants, and Hank's always right.
Me: How do you figure that?
Mary: Item 7 says "Everything Hank says is right." That's good enough
for me!
Me: Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up.
John: No way! Item 5 says 'Hank dictated this list himself.' Besides,
items 2 says 'Use alcohol in moderation,' Item 4 says 'Eat right,' and
item 8 says 'Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.' Everyone knows
those things are right, so the rest must be true, too.
Me: But 9 says 'Don't use alcohol.' which doesn't quite go with item 2,
and 6 ways 'The moon is made of green chese,' which is just plain wrong.
John: There's no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As
far as 6 goes, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for sure.
Me: Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of
rock...
Mary: But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from outer
space, so it could just as easily be green cheese.
Me: Not knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it cheese. And I'm
not an expert, but I think the scientific theory that the Moon came from
the Earth has been discounted.
John: Aha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know
Hank is always right!
Me: We do?
Mary: Of course we do, Item 5 says so.
Me: You're saying Hank's always right because in the list that Hank
dictated Hank says Hank is always right. That's circular reasoning!
John: Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come
around to Hank's way of thinking.
Me: But...oh, never mind. What's the deal with the wieners?
(Mary blushes)
John: Wieners go in buns, with no condiments. It's Hank's way. Anything
else is immoral.
Me: What if I don't have a bun?
John: No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong.
Me: No relish? No Mustard?
(Mary looks positively stricken.)
John: (shouting) There's no need for such language! Condiments of any
kind are wrong!
Me: So a big pile of sauerkraut with some weiners chopped up in it would
be out of the question?
Mary: (Sticking her fingers in her ears.) I am not listening to this.
La la la la la la la la.
John: That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat...
Me: It's good! I eat it all the time.
(Mary faints.)
John: (Catching Mary.) Well, if I'd known you were one of those I
wouldn't have wasted my time. When Hanks kicks the shit out of you I'll
be there, counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Hank's ass for you,
you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater.
(With this, John drags Mary to their waiting car, and speeds off.)
CoolBreeze
JoinedPosts by CoolBreeze
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Kissing Hanks A**
by CoolBreeze inthis morning there was a knock at my door.
hank's ass.
dictated hank says hank is always right.
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CoolBreeze
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16
Many thanks to the faithful.
by CoolBreeze ini just had an interesting conversation with my 19 year old cousin who just da'd himself today.
we were discussing stuff and things when he made a remark that took me off guard.
we were discussing the borg's stand on the internet.
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CoolBreeze
GRITS, my cousin got in a bit of trouble for showing his worldly friends some pro-JW websites to show them how twisted his religion is. Kids started talking, and word got back to CO's kid who passed on to his dad. My cousin decided to DA himself and move to San Jose before he got DF'd. The thoughts he expressed were entirely subjective based upon his experience. Still, I thought it was an interesting observation.
Ciao,
Anton
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16
Many thanks to the faithful.
by CoolBreeze ini just had an interesting conversation with my 19 year old cousin who just da'd himself today.
we were discussing stuff and things when he made a remark that took me off guard.
we were discussing the borg's stand on the internet.
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CoolBreeze
I just had an interesting conversation with my 19 year old cousin who just DA'd himself today. We were discussing stuff and things when he made a remark that took me off guard. We were discussing the Borg's stand on the internet. He said: "Keeping us off the net isn't just to prevent us from reading things that might stumble us. There is as big of a fear of having some the brothers start their own web sites, and having the rest of the world find out how narrow minded, uneducated, and just downright ignorant most of the truly zealous ones really are."
When he said that, it made me think about some of the posters we have on this site who are staunch defenders of the "TRUTH". For the most part, they come off as narrow minded and ignorant as my cousin said. This also holds true for such sites as greatcrowd and such.
Now imagine your a householder on a Saturday morning. Those pesky but nice people come to your door peddling their second rate salvation. You take one of their little magazine to be polite, and close the door. Later in the day you get bored and decide to surf the net for a while, you happen to glance at the little magazine you've been to lazy to throw away and get curious. You start running a google search on Jehovah's Witnesses and the first 10-15 happen to be apostate sites. You see a whole bunch of folks venting about how awful things are inside the Organization, and you think "Well people who leave a religion are bound to harbor resentments ... ho hum." Now as your reading all about the atrocities that have occurred to various folks in many different lands, because they decided to think for themselves , you come across a post from someone like Bleep. Just as your thinking "If things were truly as bad as these folk make out, why would anyone stay?" you start reading Bleep's, or Comforter, or You Know's post. At first you start to snicker, then chuckle, and finally, as you bust out laughing you realize that the smart ones have left or been kicked out, and the ignorant have figured out how to use a computer.
So to you who cling to the "TRUTH", I applaud you. By all means keep posting. You provide a great point of reference for those in the world who would otherwise not believe the depth of your ignorance which is often alluded to by other posters. Thank you for proving our point in writing.
Ciao,
Anton
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51
For those who bash America
by puppylove inso how small does your "pee pee" have to be to stoop to bashing america on a jw support board?.
feeling rather put upon for america's sake, living in new york city, feeling like bashing in the brains of anyone who says that americans going about their daily routines "brought this (9/11) upon themselves".
i will always remember the day i looked out my window at work and saw over 3,000 people dying..
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CoolBreeze
Somone who worships the Watchtower publishing empire is calling me ignorant, BWWWAAAAHAHAH. Hot damn miraclewheat, you made me spray beer out of my nose.
Anton
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51
For those who bash America
by puppylove inso how small does your "pee pee" have to be to stoop to bashing america on a jw support board?.
feeling rather put upon for america's sake, living in new york city, feeling like bashing in the brains of anyone who says that americans going about their daily routines "brought this (9/11) upon themselves".
i will always remember the day i looked out my window at work and saw over 3,000 people dying..
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51
For those who bash America
by puppylove inso how small does your "pee pee" have to be to stoop to bashing america on a jw support board?.
feeling rather put upon for america's sake, living in new york city, feeling like bashing in the brains of anyone who says that americans going about their daily routines "brought this (9/11) upon themselves".
i will always remember the day i looked out my window at work and saw over 3,000 people dying..
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CoolBreeze
miraclewheat, to me your opinions are worth little more than a pile of Brooklyn Sewer Rat Dung. Jan and I may disagree vehemently about this subject, but at least I know he is speaking his own mind and not repeating the spoon fed pap regurgitated form some watchtower propeganda machine. Go lick your Brooklyn masters boots and stop involving yourself in world affairs you have been instructed to avoid.
Anton
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51
For those who bash America
by puppylove inso how small does your "pee pee" have to be to stoop to bashing america on a jw support board?.
feeling rather put upon for america's sake, living in new york city, feeling like bashing in the brains of anyone who says that americans going about their daily routines "brought this (9/11) upon themselves".
i will always remember the day i looked out my window at work and saw over 3,000 people dying..
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CoolBreeze
Jan, the Soviets were scared shitless of Regan because they thought he was senile, and borderline insane. It had nothing to do with the Star Wars program. They were scared to death that he was gonna wake up in the middle of the night in a pissy mood, wander into the oval offive an push the button on a whim. When he took in office in 1981 he was allready 70 years of age, well above the normal life expectancy of the average American male. As far as they were concerned he was living in the bonus years of his life, and had nothing to lose by launching an all out Nuclear War. He scared them not with any particular policy, rather with a wild west "I'll shoot you before you shoot me" attitude, and an unabashed hatred of the Soviet Union. As far as they were concerned he was a madman with acess to the "Launch Button". It scared them shitless, cause they couldn't predict what he was going to do from moment to moment.
Anton
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51
For those who bash America
by puppylove inso how small does your "pee pee" have to be to stoop to bashing america on a jw support board?.
feeling rather put upon for america's sake, living in new york city, feeling like bashing in the brains of anyone who says that americans going about their daily routines "brought this (9/11) upon themselves".
i will always remember the day i looked out my window at work and saw over 3,000 people dying..
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CoolBreeze
miraclewheat said: "Interesting thread. While I don't agree with all of the Society's interpatations of the book of Revelation, I think they are right on target that America is the 'False Prophet'."
Close but no cigar. You're on the right track though. The headquarters of the False Prophet is deifinately within it's borders. Ummmm ... I even have the exact location of the False Propht. It is as follows.
25 Columbia Heights, Brooklyn, NY 11201-2483
Hope that helps.
Anton
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51
For those who bash America
by puppylove inso how small does your "pee pee" have to be to stoop to bashing america on a jw support board?.
feeling rather put upon for america's sake, living in new york city, feeling like bashing in the brains of anyone who says that americans going about their daily routines "brought this (9/11) upon themselves".
i will always remember the day i looked out my window at work and saw over 3,000 people dying..
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CoolBreeze
Ok Jan, your right. You busted me. The Soviets spent idiotic amounts of scarce capital on defense bacause they felt threatened by by the infamous whale blubber slingers of Norway. By the way, I graduated with a major in Information Technology, and a history minor.
Anton
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42
I'm With TR!
by LDH ini have really enjoyed getting to know so many of you.
don't consider this a permanent goodbye, as i'll most likely stop back every now and again to see how you are faring.
and to keep you updated with me and the family deal.. the reality is, this board was great for me while i was pregnant, i was so sick.
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CoolBreeze
Hey Lisa, I was about to to bid my fairwell too, then I got pissed. I'm not gonna let a bunch of sniveling whiny little bitches of of either gender ruin this wonderful forum for me. I'm gonna stick up for this great country I have adopted as my own. I wish you well, and give your kids a great big hug and tell them how lucky they are to be living in the greatest country in recorded history.
Anton