Posts by Ohiamfree

2

Phonecalls

by asensier in

dealing with phonecalls from home is becoming increasingly more difficult.

for any of you following my blog, please take a moment to look at my most recent post.

as always, your support is invaluable, thank you.

Ohiamfree

Asensier - there are so many replied I can provide haha!

One me big one is about you choosing Liam over your family. My future mother in law used this against my bf in a way. She asked him what he was going to do about all his friends. He didn't know how to reply at the time but I thought about a good reply to that. When you get married your mate IS your family, you leave your mother and father and they become your family - THATS LIFE. That's what your mum decided to do and your dad.

Secondly - turn it on its head - ask them do they want you to come back because they want you to and they bullied you into it, or because YOU want to? What would Jehovah want ;) you need to reply with questions. Write replies down and keep them with you in case they call.

These are a good way to try and make them realise that your relationship with them and your relationship with a creator are AND SHOULD BE two different things. As the scriptures say, everyone must carry their own load. Remind them of the prodigal son (did they see the drama a few years back at the convention? The DVD?) ask them if the family hounded their child to return or simply left them to make their own mind up. Even recommend they watch the DVD. They won't know what to freakin do!

Keep strong, and don't forget there is support out there for people who need it - cognitive therapy is incredible for this - it helped me so much to not be in fear and I highly recommend it. There are lots of self-referral organisations out there. My counsellor was great at getting me planning about what I could do in the worst scenario etc.

10

Happiness is achievable

by asensier in

update - for those of you who read my last topic 'disfellowshipped at 18' i am so thankful for all the support and helpful comments i received.

it's amazing to know that despite how alone i may feel, so many of you have suffered the same way that i have.

i know that i can live happily without being one of jehovah's witnesses.

Ohiamfree

You are so brave xxx congratulations on your new life xxx

7

Shunned or actually...not treated much differently?!

by Ohiamfree in

so today on my way to work, i passed a faithful jw sister who i have met about 6 times and spoken to and was friends with a sister she spends a lot of time with, i looked at her and smiled and she looked through me.

i wondered if she knew to shun me.

i'm dating someone when i have no photographic evidence that i am free to remarry ;) let's ignore all forms of abuse and unfaithfulness...anyway!.

Ohiamfree

So today on my way to work, I passed a faithful JW sister who I have met about 6 times and spoken to and was friends with a sister she spends a lot of time with, I looked at her and smiled and she looked through me. I wondered if she knew to shun me. I'm dating someone when I have no photographic evidence that I am free to remarry ;) let's ignore all forms of abuse and unfaithfulness...anyway!

Then the penny dropped, and I smiled to myself. She doesn't know. How do I know this? Because she has ALWAYS looked straight through me if she saw me in the street. In fact, she isn't the only one. Even when I was a young teenager with no naughty record, I still had JW people look through me, be rude to me and pick on small things like the top I'm wearing to the meeting (a modest top may I add! But with a disapproving soft print of a women's face on - I must have been like 14?!)

and then...when I pioneered...the lack of support and how I often pursued my work on my own.

And when I ran away from my ex, and carried on diligently in my new congregation - the majority didn't help me as a young vulnerable sister - living on an inflatable bed in my "worldly" friends flat. Over 4 years there were about 10 people in a congregation of 100 that showed me kindness. That's mental! How many people reached out to see how I was when I disappeared from their cong? Erm about 5 - when I had been there 6 years!!!!

And then I compared all this to how I am treated by the people I work with and in my community, and how they support me, and are kind to me without even knowing much about me. And it made me realise, these people don't understand what love is at all! I am not being "shunned" in a new way at all - there has always been something about me they didn't quite like - my creative streek maybe? The way I love animals maybe? The way I love music, art and culture?

Well JW, I am proud to say - I am me and now proud to be me. The reason most JW can't deal with it, is purely because they have no personality and rely on others to tell them what their personality should be or in what ways they should show love - they all have to be TOLD how to do things. I'm different, thank goodness and clearly - they don't know how to deal with it!

i am so glad to have faded away - and so glad I can see all this. I wonder how many of us here think we are being shunned because of having been marked, when actually, no one was interested to begin with? I would love to hear your comparisons.

26

Sir David Eady to give judgement on the Watctower Appeal in the Otuo v Morley and Watch Tower case at the High Court tommorrow

by Adwoa Kromo in

sir david eady sitting as high court judge will hand down judgement tomorrow at 11:00am in the appeal of the decision from master leslie for refusing to strike out the claim as an abuse of process.

in his judgement in november 2014 he stated in his judgement delivered ex-tempore " i am bound to say that this case causes me a good deal of trouble".

from notes that i have from the hearing last week, i will be utterly surprised if the retired judge sir david eady takes a different view.

Ohiamfree

Any news?

3

shunning

by pepperheart in

if a jw on a trolley knew that other jws were shunning you would they talk to you to tell you to stop taking literature from a trolley ??

?

Ohiamfree

As far as I know many df people just take the literature off the cart - I have never heard of people being refused. It used to be that someone who is df was supposed to get their magazines from an elder or at the KH. Quite amusing now that you can get everything online...but maybe that's because the rule didn't come from God 8-o

33

Slow motion pioneers

by 1Averagejoe in

observing our local unemployed pioneers and how long they take to get to their first or next call, usually taking the longest route to get to one they know won't be there anyway.

along the way it's gossipy this and that.

pioneers?

Ohiamfree

I actually really enjoyed parts of pioneering, it was part of me waking up actually. I was often on my own and preferred to study with people on my own so that they would not be "pushy" with the lovely people I studied with. It was the fact that all these people were so nice that made me realise that something was very harsh and cruel with jw. Those people became my friends, and I never pushed them, we just studied together. I really struggled to get my hours in, I had no car and very little support, I would walk across town to visit people, and I genuinely would try and help them in any way. I had to stand down as became too ill, that was heart breaking because the guilt tripping was ridiculous! How awful to do that to people. I tell you what, the pioneer meetings were generally a waste of time! I was fortunate to be shown kindness when I couldn't manage getting all my hours in, they let me carry on, and I am really thankful for that still actually. I now work in the community within social isolation - I got so much experience through pioneering and talking to people - that's what all pioneers should be doing.

17

A Total Waste of Time "In The Field"

by OnTheWayOut in

so i am walking down the street in a spanish neighborhood and two men, obviously jw's, are standing between houses writing furiously on their tiny slips.

i am nearly a block away approaching and they just kept writing the whole time i walked up.

i finally arrive to pass them and they are still both writing.

Ohiamfree

I always took notes if I met someone interesting because my memory was awful...and also I am shyer approaching people on the street than I am on doors - same in all walks of my life. I can't explain why really, I just find approaching people on the street hard some days. Am I the only one? I sometimes manage to do it for work but find it hard.

10

Unscripturally Free To Be Married - the Contradications

by Ohiamfree in

so far i have worked out 2 challenges to this ridiculous, stupid cruel imposed rule that results in disfellowshipping.

(1) if someone is still scriptually married after a divorce, and moved back in with their ex, they would be disfellowshipped.

so then on what grounds did you ever mean someone was still married?

Ohiamfree

I am afraid I disagree, an oath ends when someone breaks the oath, there can be no limbo - either you are married or you are not. If one of the marriage mates breaks the marriage then the marriage can only exist if the other person decides it can though the oath is broken. The concept of someone being disfellowshipped for divorcing a pedophile or an abusive mate and remarrying is the most ridiculous thing ever, in fact it is disgusting!

10

Unscripturally Free To Be Married - the Contradications

by Ohiamfree in

so far i have worked out 2 challenges to this ridiculous, stupid cruel imposed rule that results in disfellowshipping.

(1) if someone is still scriptually married after a divorce, and moved back in with their ex, they would be disfellowshipped.

so then on what grounds did you ever mean someone was still married?

Ohiamfree

So far I have worked out 2 challenges to this ridiculous, stupid cruel imposed rule that results in disfellowshipping. They are as follows -

(1) If someone is still scriptually married after a divorce, and moved back in with their ex, they would be disfellowshipped. HELLO? So then on what grounds did you ever mean someone was still married?

(2) If someone in the world had got a divorce, based on unreasonableness for instance, would they be questioned on whether their ex had committed adultery before they get baptised and maybe happily get remarried? I have the feeling that it wouldn't even be discussed and would not stop someone being baptised and getting re-married because the getting baptised bit would be more important ;)

It really is a load of nonsense isn't it? Has anyone else thought of any contradictions with this bizarre limbo rule?

54

Separated from a loveless Marriage

by PLAYGROUND in

i don't know where to start.

i got married a year and half ago.

some months into the marriage things where discovered.

Ohiamfree

Dear Playground

Wow, all that you are saying, I have been there. I was married definitely just to be showed of, the perfect wife. Sadly I was lied to, enslaved and emotionally abused. I am so glad you realise it is abuse! It took me months after leaving the marriage to accept that because the elders did not take it seriously. It was either I die staying or he killed me staying - but I ran away. I am so glad you are safe! No the elders will not understand. I need to tell you something, I stayed in what you described, minus the physical abuse (it was all emotional abuse with only a little physical) for FIVE YEARS. I do not recommend it. It WONT improve, things will not get better and you WILL get ill like I did if you stay. The emotional pain will make you physically ill, I now have a long term illness thanks to that awful relationship. As someone said here it might as well be annulled when someone lies about who they are. After just a few months of finally leaving I was going to pace myself for divorce, but my ex and everyone around me kept saying "pray to love again" (seriously?! That's wrong and sick) and my ex was obsessed with me coming back even though he didn't love me - I couldn't handle it so made it perfectly clear by filing a divorce. I used to pioneer and can no longer, but that's fine, it's only a name anyway - the ministry is not counted by a term or hours in Gods eyes! Some people are marked for divorce but you can't be disfellowshipped. You need to be free! The complication is re-marriage. 4 years down the line my ex who was unfaithful in every way possible but I can't prove sexually physically, is going about like Mr perfect and slagging me off still. I however am now marked for dating another brother even after another 4 years of faithful service despite all that abuse from my ex, the elders and congregation members. Basically I have had enough. I am a faithful person and love God, I didn't know I was going to be abused and God has watched our pain each and every day. You are not "in trouble" with him, please don't think that, I know it is so hard, but you are not. He loves you! I am sure you have done lots of research. In regards to the divorce law I recommend researching the new covenant that began when Jesus DIED, note that, when he DIED. The law changed, laws relating to divorce and punishment etc ENDED as he covered our sin. He knew things were going to get bad. You need happiness in your life, life is a blessing from God. I promise you, there is so much happiness in the world - and I don't mean money, drugs sex!!!!! I mean LOVE.

Another thing to remember - an oath comes to an end when the oath is broken. Your spouse made an oath in front on God to love and respect you - they broke that promise, NOT YOU - the marriage vow ended at that point and God knows it - just look in the bible at how he views a cruel spouse! He won't even listen to their prayers. Please please please if you need to talk let me know, I don't know if you can private message on here but if you can please do. Can I also just add, finally being in a normal happy relationship makes up for all the pain - and any idiotic behaviour by the elders - who are no higher than you and I. I am so glad to be free. And the org will have to end the shunning arrangement one day, it breaches human rights laws! You just remember that. Yes I likely face disfellowshipping - but seriously my relationship is with God, not a human lead organisation. I'm over it.