Your children are young, they will adjust to having divorced parents, it's a very common thing nowadays and children are resilient.
This is so not true. You may think this when you are in your teens and twenties. But hit your thirties and forties and you realize how much you lost when your parents divorced. Mine divorced. I wish they would have gotten counseling and worked it out. I still hurt. I'm 47. I was 9 when they separated and 11 when they finally divorced. Our family was fragmented, never to be the same again.
Hi FlyingHighNow,
Wow, I'm sorry if I offended you. I was just going on my own personal experience and the experiences of those around me. I will concede, though, that everyone I know of with divorced parents, myself included, are in their late-teens and early-twenties, so I can't comment on what happens later on in life. I do know that one of my friends is very glad that her parents are divorced, they split up when she was 9, too, and she and her father are much happier now. Another friend of mine has parents that have been separated for almost 15 years but never divorced, and he's actually angry that they're trying to work it out, he's happier with his parents apart. Another friend has parents who are on the verge of separating, and she says she'll be very relieved when it happens. Me, I'm still working through this mess, like I said, but I am glad that my parents are finally happy. My mom is seeing a new man who makes her very happy, and my dad has been in a relationship for two years and has a new son, it's good to see them both smiling so much.
I do know what I'm missing out on, though. My family has been torn completely in two. My parents promised that they would always work together to do the best for my brother and I, since we were getting ready to go to college when they split up, but that was a lie, they refuse to even speak to each other now. They're both so angry and bitter towards each other, it's hard to believe that they were together for over 20 years. Now that they're apart, they can finally release all of the animosity, and I know that there was no way to save that marriage, not after what I've seen and heard between them. I also know that I won't ever be able to have big anniversary parties for them, no 25th anniversary (I was really looking forward to that one), no 50th, no nothing. If I get married, I have to invite my parents separately, and I don't know if they'll both attend, because they can't stand to be in the same room together, let alone sit on the same side of a church. If I get married and have children of my own, I'll never be able to take my kids to "grandma and grandpa's house", it'll always be "grandma's house" or "grandpa's house", but never both together. My children will never be able to visit their maternal grandparents together, not ever, and that hurts me more than I ever imagined something could hurt, because I know how special grandparents are. I will miss out on all of the great family times that my parents shared with my grandparents because my parents are bitterly divorced, and nothing will ever fix that.
And my brother hardly even speaks to my father anymore, he blames him for the divorce, and there's nothing harder than trying to answer my father when he asks me, "When's your brother coming to visit again?? I miss him, I haven't seen him in ages."
And there's nothing I can do about that, either. I just want to fix everything, but I can't. That's what I do best, I fix things and I make people feel better, but no matter what I do, I can't fix this. I hate being at home because I can't handle not being able to spend time with both of my parents at the same time. When I'm at my mom's house, I feel guilty for not being at my dad's house, and when I'm at my dad's house, I feel guilty for not being at my mom's house. I hate going home for the holidays, because there's always questions of, "So, who's house are you spending Christmas at this year??", and then looks of disappointment. I can't be in two places at once, I wish I could, but I can't. I love my family, but I can't handle being at home when I'm out of school because I don't know how to make everyone happy.
But that said, I am very glad that my parents are happy now. It's so good to see my parents smiling and laughing and joking again. It was so exciting when my mom told me about her new boyfriend, she was just like a teenager, telling me about how great he is and how well he treats her. She never got excited like that around my dad. And at my dad's house, he's always playfully teasing his girlfriend, just like a young man teasing his best girl. My brother is moving on and getting over this, my parents are very happy with their new lives and we're all trying to not live in the past. Sure, I'd be much happier if my parents had stayed together and we still lived in the house that I grew up in, but that wasn't a viable option, not at all, and in the end, everyone is better off now.
Yes, parental divorce has side effects and it is something that will stay with the parents and children for the rest of their lives, but in some cases, it's just better for the parents to get divorced and get it over with, after careful consideration, that is. It can save years of pain and anguish and in the end, sometimes it really is worth it.
Just an opinion.
-Becka :)
