I have to tell you, I have given up on my mother!!! We DO NOT talk anymore. And mostly because of her "holier than thou" attitude, and pretty much all the same problems you have with your mom. I don't have time in my life for that. I had to make a decission that my sanity was worth more to me than the company of my mother. I hear any news via my sister or maybe my daughter.
So I know where you are coming from.
Good luck!!!