Something very bad happened to me as a child, but I ended up repeatedly consoling her. Her faith was shaken because of it, and in a way I was made feel like I was bad for shaking her faith. Emotional blackmail such as "Do you want me to leave Jehovah for you" kept on popping up, to which I responded that she should carefully examine what that religion teaches and I can help her if she needs. Well the investigation never transpired, but something else hurt me a lot.
How may JW Women in their 50's plus in your congregation do you know with so many major operations, how high is the count of Breast Cancer and Hysterectomies? I know people like to talk about how they overcame challenges in life, I commend them, but when there are alternatives it sickens me to see people making the wrong decision. If I did a survey of the same amount of women in my workplace, I wouldn't even get half the number of women who had to go through this.
I don't literally hate my mother, I hope this story shows its not really so, but I just feel like a shaking shell of a person, because I am so unsympathetic about the trials that JWs go though, I can never know when it is the religion or the person speaking, and I don't know what I can do to help these people. I can barely help myself get other being a child of Jehovah and I hate what Jehovah requires of Parents.
I think I hate my mother too! Or at least the JW version of her. I know exactly what you mean by there being two versions of her. I remember talking to her one time and talking to the real her and getting frustrated. Sometimes I would call "Just to say hello" and hang up when I got the JW one and actually talk when i got the real one. It really sucked because when I did try to show her that it wasn't Jehovah's organization, she fussed at me and say, "Are you happy now? You've made me question everything I've ever believed." She blamed it on me. My mom was never a mother to me -- she also was a zombie who spouted out quotes and I had to then take care of her.
My mother suffered from depression, acid reflux disease to the point of ulsers from stress, fibromyalsia/CFS, heel spirs and pain all over, and a weight problem due to eating while stressed (she always lost lots of weight while things where good and gained it all back from eating boxes of cakes and things.) My mother is also a prescription drug addict. I think she took like 10 different things a day last time we talked.
Now she won't talk to me and blames it on me because I left Jehovah. She blames it on me. And I think what sucks is that I've really made something of myself but she will never be proud of me.
Look, I understand how you feel and I believe I am still having a lot of problems due to being raised in a cult. I really am doing well -- much better since I left. I hope things continue to get better for you as well.
