BizzyBee

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Posts by BizzyBee

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  102

  Twin Explosions at Boston Marathon

  by BizzyBee in

  1. social
  2. current

  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/15/boston-marathon-explosion_n_3086665.html.

  .

  right at the finish line - seems too coincidental to be anything other than a purposeful act.

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  BizzyBee

  Tax day? Domestic terrorists?
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  102

  Twin Explosions at Boston Marathon

  by BizzyBee in

  1. social
  2. current

  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/15/boston-marathon-explosion_n_3086665.html.

  .

  right at the finish line - seems too coincidental to be anything other than a purposeful act.

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  BizzyBee

  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/15/boston-marathon-explosion_n_3086665.html

  Right at the finish line - seems too coincidental to be anything other than a purposeful act.
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  17

  When Tragedy Strikes..............Someone Else

  by BizzyBee in

  1. social
  2. family

  i found this article to be spot on - common sense that isn't always common:.

  how not to say the wrong thing .

  it works in all kinds of crises medical, legal, even existential.

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  BizzyBee

  Oh, FHN! That reminds me of about 40 years ago when my paternal grandfather died. It was the first death of anyone close to me I'd experienced and I was devastated (plus we were all supposed to live forever). If fell to me to call my maternal grandmother with the news. I'll never forget - she sucked in her breath and then said, "Well, hon, you know their diet wasn't very good."

  This ties in with what rip said,

  it was about their own mortality!

  So true! I won't get caught by the grim reaper because I eat plenty of fiber, buckle my seat belt, avoid sun exposure, drive carefully, exercise every day, get my checkups, etc., etc.
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  17

  When Tragedy Strikes..............Someone Else

  by BizzyBee in

  1. social
  2. family

  i found this article to be spot on - common sense that isn't always common:.

  how not to say the wrong thing .

  it works in all kinds of crises medical, legal, even existential.

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  BizzyBee

  SD, thank you for posting about your experience. It sounds like you are doing the most practical and helpful thing possible, even though stepping back may not be your true nature!

  I've been in the center ring and I've been in the outer rings. The important thing is to understand the relative value of each. I hope to never, ever, ever again be in the center ring. But if I must, I hope that those around me will try to understand - and likewise - I know that I have a better understanding of what they would want under those circumstances.
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  15

  bebopping around the house

  by Hortensia in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  emptying the trash can and washing the dishes with the shirelles.

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nip6fsyx0lq.

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  BizzyBee

  You are in a mood, girl!

  Go with it.
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  17

  When Tragedy Strikes..............Someone Else

  by BizzyBee in

  1. social
  2. family

  i found this article to be spot on - common sense that isn't always common:.

  how not to say the wrong thing .

  it works in all kinds of crises medical, legal, even existential.

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  BizzyBee

  Right, UnConfused. Anything along the lines of "I'm so sorry," "I can't imagine what you're going through" is fine. Keep saying things like that - not much else. Don't give in to the temptation to sermonize or give advice. It is not wanted.
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  17

  When Tragedy Strikes..............Someone Else

  by BizzyBee in

  1. social
  2. family

  i found this article to be spot on - common sense that isn't always common:.

  how not to say the wrong thing .

  it works in all kinds of crises medical, legal, even existential.

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  2. 
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  BizzyBee

  Listening is often more helpful than talking.

  Coco - sounds like you know that, at some point, everyone needs to know how to respond to someone in need.
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  17

  When Tragedy Strikes..............Someone Else

  by BizzyBee in

  1. social
  2. family

  i found this article to be spot on - common sense that isn't always common:.

  how not to say the wrong thing .

  it works in all kinds of crises medical, legal, even existential.

  1. 
  2. 
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  BizzyBee

  We've all been there......or will be. I found this article to be spot on - common sense that isn't always common:

  How not to say the wrong thing

  It works in all kinds of crises – medical, legal, even existential. It's the 'Ring Theory' of kvetching. The first rule is comfort in, dump out.

  Susan Silk and Barry Goldman

  April 7, 2013

  When Susan had breast cancer, we heard a lot of lame remarks, but our favorite came from one of Susan's colleagues. She wanted, she needed, to visit Susan after the surgery, but Susan didn't feel like having visitors, and she said so. Her colleague's response? "This isn't just about you."

  "It's not?" Susan wondered. "My breast cancer is not about me? It's about you?"

  The same theme came up again when our friend Katie had a brain aneurysm. She was in intensive care for a long time and finally got out and into a step-down unit. She was no longer covered with tubes and lines and monitors, but she was still in rough shape. A friend came and saw her and then stepped into the hall with Katie's husband, Pat. "I wasn't prepared for this," she told him. "I don't know if I can handle it."

  This woman loves Katie, and she said what she did because the sight of Katie in this condition moved her so deeply. But it was the wrong thing to say. And it was wrong in the same way Susan's colleague's remark was wrong.

  Susan has since developed a simple technique to help people avoid this mistake. It works for all kinds of crises: medical, legal, financial, romantic, even existential. She calls it the Ring Theory.

  Draw a circle. This is the center ring. In it, put the name of the person at the center of the current trauma. For Katie's aneurysm, that's Katie. Now draw a larger circle around the first one. In that ring put the name of the person next closest to the trauma. In the case of Katie's aneurysm, that was Katie's husband, Pat. Repeat the process as many times as you need to. In each larger ring put the next closest people. Parents and children before more distant relatives. Intimate friends in smaller rings, less intimate friends in larger ones. When you are done you have a Kvetching Order. One of Susan's patients found it useful to tape it to her refrigerator.

  Here are the rules. The person in the center ring can say anything she wants to anyone, anywhere. She can kvetch and complain and whine and moan and curse the heavens and say, "Life is unfair" and "Why me?" That's the one payoff for being in the center ring.

  Everyone else can say those things too, but only to people in larger rings.

  When you are talking to a person in a ring smaller than yours, someone closer to the center of the crisis, the goal is to help. Listening is often more helpful than talking. But if you're going to open your mouth, ask yourself if what you are about to say is likely to provide comfort and support. If it isn't, don't say it. Don't, for example, give advice. People who are suffering from trauma don't need advice. They need comfort and support. So say, "I'm sorry" or "This must really be hard for you" or "Can I bring you a pot roast?" Don't say, "You should hear what happened to me" or "Here's what I would do if I were you." And don't say, "This is really bringing me down."

  If you want to scream or cry or complain, if you want to tell someone how shocked you are or how icky you feel, or whine about how it reminds you of all the terrible things that have happened to you lately, that's fine. It's a perfectly normal response. Just do it to someone in a bigger ring.

  Comfort IN, dump OUT.

  There was nothing wrong with Katie's friend saying she was not prepared for how horrible Katie looked, or even that she didn't think she could handle it. The mistake was that she said those things to Pat. She dumped IN.

  Complaining to someone in a smaller ring than yours doesn't do either of you any good. On the other hand, being supportive to her principal caregiver may be the best thing you can do for the patient.

  Most of us know this. Almost nobody would complain to the patient about how rotten she looks. Almost no one would say that looking at her makes them think of the fragility of life and their own closeness to death. In other words, we know enough not to dump into the center ring. Ring Theory merely expands that intuition and makes it more concrete: Don't just avoid dumping into the center ring, avoid dumping into any ring smaller than your own.

  Remember, you can say whatever you want if you just wait until you're talking to someone in a larger ring than yours.

  And don't worry. You'll get your turn in the center ring. You can count on that.

  http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407,0,2074046.story
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  12

  Comedian Jonathan Winters Died Yesterday at 87

  by BizzyBee in

  1. social
  2. current

  always loved his comedy - very inventive.

  in his later years, he was a fixture around town.

  he'd hang out (sometimes in front of the market, or at an executive services office in the village) and do comedy routines and banter with anyone who came by.. .

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  BizzyBee

  Always loved his comedy - very inventive.

  In his later years, he was a fixture around town. He'd hang out (sometimes in front of the market, or at an executive services office in the village) and do comedy routines and banter with anyone who came by.

  RIP

  http://www.cnn.com/2013/04/12/showbiz/jonthan-winters-death/index.html
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  47

  OATMEAL

  by compound complex in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i wanted eggs for breakfast when i was a kid, but we were poor.

  bobby, my little brother, got an egg once a week for breakfast and sis and i got oatmeal.

  oatmeal everyday with blue powdered milk.

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  BizzyBee

  Love the story, Coco. Great how you focus on one benign (even bland) element of the relationship (oatmeal) and build the tension around it.