If I recall correctly, you are 16 years old.
Advice on a prior thread encouraged you to lay low, say nothing to your family about your doubts, and start looking at ways to get a college education and begin making friends outside of the organization.
I still think that is sound advice for any one, especially a teenager and young adult.
Too much time on this or ANY discussion board, is not healthy for anyone. Especially a teenager still living with JW parents.
Sorry for curt response. I am on my way out but wanted to chime in here.
I truly wish you the best - as I try to heed my own advice. (Seriously, I need to take breaks from here or I, too, start feeling too much negativity. And I'm old enough to be your mother.)
-Aude Sapere (meaning: Dare to Know; Dare to Have Widsom/Understanding; Dare to Think for Yourself)
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PS: Armageddon is NOT coming. Get an education and a satisfying career. Start saving now for moving out. When you move out, start saving for retirement. I'm serious.